Rarely will you ever hear me talk about someone I’m into. I haven’t dated anyone in quite some time. How long? Long enough to actually feel embarrassment over it, so I dare not share that tidbit with the world (world = four people reading this entry). As much as I love entertaining the question, “Why aren’t you dating again?”, I recently decided it’s time for me to *gulp* open up and seek a mate. Let’s get real: A man’s got needs and besides, when singing off key to old Jodeci songs, it’s better to see someone you care about cringe at the sound of your voice, rather than a host of strangers on the subway.
There’s a problem, though. A couple actually. I fear rejection. I don’t trust many people. And the biggie of the bunch: I hate being hurt. While I may not be the most sensitive soul, I have to deal with a lot of bullshit and, the last thing I need is another problem – especially if it can be avoided. Typically with me, if I like you, then that means you’re special. Hopefully that doesn’t sound egotistical. What I mean is, if you can take my mind off of everything around me, then you’s a bad somebody. Ha, that’s even worse, isn’t it? Whatever.Unfortunately, these people usually turn out to be the absolute worst for me, hence my reluctance to get back into the swing of things. Part of it is usually my fault. You would think with so many of my friends coming to me for advice on relationships (so what if I’m inexperienced, ask anyway, right?), I would know when someone is wrong for me. If only that were true. I will meet someone, fall head over heels , then proceed to be shitted on. It’s a vicious cycle, one I can’t seem to break. Before you wonder, yes I indeed have a backbone. Still, I’m never able to pull away. Enter the new person. I met ’em while visiting a friend. We didn’t formally meet that day, but technology works miracles. I ended up travelling for hours just to kick it.The day turned out to be a great one. Only Ice Cube could top me. I was nervous, I laughed so much, and I was smiling the entire time we spent together. That’s no easy feat. By the end, I thought I may have found someone who would break the cycle. Then reality stepped in. To make a long story short, after things became a bit weird, I began to ask questions. Turns out they’re seeing someone else. See why I usually restrict these lovey dovey emotions to Mariah Carey records? If you’ll excuse me, I have to go scare people with my rendition of “The Sweetest Taboo.” Yeah, I’m being melodramatic. But it be’s that way sometimes.