Everyone is saying that I’m wildin’ out. I recently confided in people that I’m a bit of a prude; but, I’ve been thinking and I’m not sure if that’s really the case. Sure, there are some things that I’ll never do, but I believe the real problem is that I’m very self conscious. That’s what prevents me from enjoying myself as much as I can when I’m home or at school. I know that people have this image of me and while I may not try to uphold it for them, I do for myself. Michael drinking? Michael clubbing? Michael *gasp* smoking? When did I become Father Michael? The smoking I’ll stop because I’ve basically confirmed what I’ve known all along – smoking is disgusting. Yeah, no more blacks for Mike.
I know that come August, I’ll have so many responsibilities and it’s likely that I will be overwhelmed: This summer may be about advancing my career, but why not have a little fun in the process? So, I’m going to continue proposing to bartenders. Getting lost on Canal Street at 4 in the morning (Ok, maybe not). Spending too much money on drinks (Eh, I’ll go to the liquor store before to save money). And *gulp*, dancing…which I never do. Too bad I picked a city to do it where they don’t dance. That’s another blog entry, though.
Another problem is that being the big critic I am *insert halo*, I wonder how people look at me. I can solve that problem with two words: Fuck them.
“You can’t spend your life being in fear of all that may be.”
“Don’t let it get you down. It’s just life.”
So I’m learning.