Call Me Now

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Last nite while walking through the Village, a fortune teller spotted my friend and motioned for us to come in. I’m sure she does that all the time, but the girl I was with wanted to go in, so I said, “What the hell.” For two dollars she gave me a face profile. Talk about being dead on. She saw that I was independent, determined, strong willed, and told me I had a lot of good energy around me. She even knew that a lot of people come to me for advice, but hinted that whenever I seek the same in return – more times than not – no one can be found.

The thing that really got me was that she said that something happened in my life within the last five years that prevents me from being happy. That whenever I feel like I’m moving forward, it’s as if something just has to go wrong that pulls me two steps back. Wow. I decided to go ahead and get the full profile. I gave her my full name and birthdate and away she went.

She went on to add that there seems to be a lot of jealousy around me, and that my good energy is being affected by all the negativity others are releasing.

When I asked her if she saw loneliness in me, she quickly responded, “No. You are not meant to be alone. You are destined to find your soulmate. But I do see that you fall for the ones that hurt you.” Someone give this woman a hotline number.

I never thought I was one to be jealous of. I’ve always felt like I have a long ways to go before anyone really pays me any mind. If there are in fact people jealous of me, I’m far too self-conscious and self-critical to notice.

Over the last year I’ve noticed that as hard as I try to be happy, something always goes wrong that leads to me feeling desolate. I’ve told myself time and time again that I will not allow myself to remain in such a dismal state, but it’s hard to break the cycle. Twenty one years of ups and downs with only a small light of hope in sight. I feel like I have the potential to be everything I hope to be. That I will find the success I work effortlessly to achieve. That I will find that someone who will make me happy. She made me recall the day I luckily received that phone call from Mary J. Blige where she stressed that I made her day, gave her the will to go on, and that I’ll find someone just as beautiful as me. Perhaps I need to heed their words.

Yesterday was actually a good day. I felt more confident about my roles at MTV and Blender and that both may well indeed lead to greener pastures. But, hearing that woman break down my life in mere seconds was interesting enough to force me to reflect on everything that’s taken place. Before you begin to question my sanity, no, I’m not suddenly a believer. She basically told me everything I already knew. It’s just the idea of it being confirmed by a complete stranger that intrigues me.

At the end of our talk, she handed me this bag – full of tea, I believe – and told me to sit in a tub of water for three days, and to come see her again on Sunday. Yeah, I don’t take baths and she got enough of my money. It’s cheaper to be miserable.

Ha, you see? I’m not that shaken. It’ll take a lot more than that to hook me. She should have throw in some Kabbalah water…maybe then I’d be tempted to board the mothership.

The only person who can solve my problems is me. And if there is a higher power that will assist me in my ordeal, they’re not going to be in the Village charging me.

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