Couldn’t You Have Waited Until 2008?

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Sandra Day O’Connor, the first woman to be appointed to the Supreme Court, has announced that she is retiring – giving everyone long fearful of what lunatics Dumbya will appoint to the Supreme Court a mild heart attack in the process. This comes as a surprise to many, because it has long been predicted that Chief Justice Rehnquist would be first to step down.

According to the Chicago Tribune, the elated goon-in-cheif told O’Connor, “I wish I were there to hug you.” Sounds like someone is just as surprised about O’Connor’s announcement as the rest of us. Georgie and the rest of the neo-conservative hooligans have been salivating for this moment for quite some time.

White House? Check. Legislative Branch? In the bag. Supreme Court? A-ha, it’s finally ours. Thanks a million, Sandy. Complete. And. Total. Power. At. Long. Last.


While it should be noted that O’Connor was appointed by Ronald “D.A.R.E. to flood the community with drugs” (Oops, did I say that out loud?) Reagan, she’s not exactly a favorite among conservatives. Just ask Reverend Flip Benham (Remember kids: Jesus is a registered Republican, Judas is the hippie liberal.).

“Although we applaud her decision to step down and care for her ailing husband, her ‘swing-vote’ status on the Supreme Court over the issues of abortion and homosexual rights wrought more havoc upon our nation than our foreign enemies ever have. Mrs. O’Connor betrayed the One who gave her breath – Almighty God. She betrayed the one who placed her in office – President Ronald Reagan. She betrayed the very document she was sworn to uphold – the Constitution. Finally, she betrayed our nation’s children.”

Yes, good Rev’ren. Slamming plane into twin towers, bad. Respecting a woman’s right to choose or allowing two consenting men to have sex, worse. Let me grab my tamborine and drop it like it’s hot to the theme song of “Amen.” Speak the truth and shame the devil.

Speaking of devil’s, let’s have a look at some of O’Connor’s possible successors, shall we? There’s Samuel Alito, or “Scalia lite” depending on who you’re talking to. Then we have Janice Brown, who follows in the tradition of exceptional blacks like Clarence “Uncle” Thomas of showing our children great examples of how not to act when you achieve a certain level of success. Not to be outdone, Alberto “Torture Ain’t So Bad” Gonzales is itching to become the latino community’s answer to good ole Clarence.

Edith Jones – a personal favorite of mine – once said, “The integrity of law, its religious roots, its transcendent quality are disappearing,” at a speech at Harvard University in 2003. She’s also a staunch advocate for the death penalty. Christians ain’t no punks. Here here to a theocracy.

There are many more names being floated around, but all share one common trait: They are all psychotic.

“If the president abuses his power and nominates someone who threatens to roll back the rights and freedoms of the American people,” Mr. Kennedy said, “then the American people will insist that we oppose that nominee, and we intend to do so.”

Let us all hope the other Democrats serving in the Senate share Ted Kennedy’s sentiments. Then again, these are Democrats we’re talking about – a party where balls are no longer required.

Goodbye progress, hello 1950s.

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