So This Is What Hell Looks Like?

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I am sore. From my shoulders (hectobone, whatever they call it) to my chest to my lower back to…well my shoulders and chest. Ouch. I’m taking weight training this semester. No, I don’t know what I was thinking. I usually tell people I’m swole all the time. But to weigh around 158 on a good day and stand at 6’1, everyone can pretty much infer that I’m saying that in jest. That or I’m just crazy. Doesn’t matter.

Well yesterday we had to do a bench press test. In what parallel universe am I suppose to bench press close to 200 lbs? I can barely lift the cooler full of drinks back home, much less bench press anything. I tell the instructor up front, “Ok I’m going to try. But I’ve recently lost a large amount of weight, so I’m just happy to be slimmer, but I will definitely try.” He asked me if I have ever bench pressed before. I hold my arms in the air. There’s your answer.

He then asked if I would be more comfortable going on the woman’s side. Cute. Real cute. I say no and he’s kind enough to allow me to exchange the weights. I’d say it was about a 100 lbs less. I did 8 sets. I don’t know about you, but I’m proud. Someone waiting in line, whom we’ll refer to as Hercules because apparently lifting that much is like tossing an empty can of Sprite in the trash, shook my hand. Moral support. Thanks.

I look at the coach and say, “Well I did eight. I’d say that’s pretty good for a beginning. Hey, I’m trying man.” He smirks. That’s much better than yelling “girly man.” Good guy.

I’m not trying to look like Boris and Tyrese. I actually like my size. JJ Evans wishes he could look this good. Ok, I’m kidding. I’m not that thin. I think every relative in Texas and Louisiana would hold a Gumbo and catfish intervention if things got that bad. But, I am a slim guy and I’ve fine with it. I use to look like a tanned Pilsbury Doughboy, only I yelled obscenities instead of “Woohoo” if one poked my tummy.

Let’s hope I get toned…kinda. Let’s cheer me on as I push myself to do 9 1/2 reps when the test is repeated at the end of the semester. Let’s all pray I don’t keel over before then.

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