Faux Crusaders Make You Ashy & Dehydrated

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Y’know, it’s bad enough no one can wait for me at the airport anymore. It’s even worse that I’m not the poster child for punctuality, so I have to rush like crazy to get to the airport early. And don’t even get me started on being felt up at the airport. Now thanks to a new ‘plot,’ I’m no longer allowed to bring water bottles, lotion, or any other water-based product on board the plane.

So now I have to be thirsty and ashy on the plane?

Isn’t the time of this leak convenient? Forget about the looming civil war in Iraq. No worries about Israel blowing up Lebanon. Don’t fret over Bush’s potential fuck ups for the fourth quarter, because you’re far too busy worrying over whether or not the bottle of Suave the person sitting next to you on the plane has is a potential bomb.

Ten minutes into watching the coverage of CNN (or the pimping of their agenda, take your pick), I hear, “Don’t use your cell phone within 50 feet of a suspicious object because you might detonate an explosive.”

Are you kidding me? So basically turn off my phone, since any and every object could potentially carry an explosive device. Why don’t these people just say “Be very afraid, vote Republican” and leave me alone? Is that too much to ask?

The terror scheme disrupted in London is ‘suggestive of an al-Qaeda plot’

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff said there was no indication of plotting in the United States but said officials cannot assume that the terror operation in Britain had been completely thwarted.

So you don’t know if it’s al-Qaeda, you have no proof that there was a threat to the United States, but you’re going to hold a press conference anyway to promote a climate of fear? Gotta love their boldness.

Fuck Bush. Fuck al Qaeda. Fuck Ozarka (well not really, but I’ll be missing you).

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