Leaders of the Church of Scientology have found their savior in Tom Cruise. Media outlets across the Atlantic are reporting that leaders of the controversial church consider Tom Cruise their “chosen one,” dubbing him a Christ-like entity for the faith.
According to leader David Miscavige, Cruise will one day be worshipped the way Jesus is now for his work to raise awareness of the religion.
The article also claims a source close to Tom Cruise says he Cruise already been informed of his status. I wonder whose couch he leaped on in celebration. The source adds: “Like Christ, he has been criticized for his views. But future generations will realize he was right.”
And that special day will occur on the same day the aliens the faith’s founder L. Ron Hubbard claims the human race stems from makes a pit stop in North Dakota to pick up a few supplies.
I have a hard time believing this, as everyone knows Jesus hates the homos. Kidding! I swear! Don’t rebuke or black list me!
I bet five that Pope Benedict XVI will have Tom Cruise bitch slapped by year’s end.
For the record, I would like to take the time to reveal that I am the new Dali lama (Free Tibet, pimpin’!), Prince is the new Greek God, Zeus, and Karrine Steffans is the Virgin Video Vixen.
Brooke Shields and Matt Lauer alternate as Satan.