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This is a really hard one for me since I hate the both of them. One is an obnoxious loudmouth who constantly talks over people and berates anyone who disagrees him. The other is the same way, only Barbara Walters is enabling her instead of News Corp. This just might be the battle of the know-it-all’s everyone has been waiting for: A media-backed public squabble so instense it could spell the end for both parties involved. Ok, that’s not going to happen, but you can’t blame a guy for wishful thinking. You have to admit this is a lot better than Rosie’s old battle with Star Jones over which lie was worst (Star about her surgery, Rosie about her sexuality).

Angered by comments posted on O’Donnell’s blog and voiced on ABC program, “The View,” O’Reilly is calling on ABC to fire Rosie O’Donnell.

The comments in question are as follows:

anderson cooper
wake up

False flag operations are covert operations conducted by governments, corporations, or other organizations, which are designed to appear as if they are being carried out by other entities.

the british did it on purpose
into iranian waters

we will be in iran
before summer
as planned

come on people
u have 2 c
i know u can

I’m honestly more offened by Rosie posting every blog entry in the form of pseudo-poems than anything else.

As you can see in this clip, O’Reilly calls Rosie one of the biggest Bush haters in the media, as if that’s some sort of anomaly these days, but I digress. I suppose I shouldn’t expect anything less from the faux-non partisan who’s been kissing Bush’s ass since the decline of America began on January 20, 2001.

O’Reilly has called O’Donnell a sympathizer to terrorism. Considering the Bush adminstration’s antics have served as the biggest recruiting tool for terrorist organizations and Fox News is in their back pocket promoting their every idiotic idea (Get well soon, Tony), who’s the bigger sympathizer in the grand scheme of things?

Just by this video, it seems like all Rosie was saying was we’ve demonized the other side to the degree that we no longer look to them as humans, only as “the enemy,” which doesn’t help either side come to some peaceful resolution. I guess I should stop now, before I’m likened to a terrorist, too.

I love that O’Reilly can say Rosie is hurting people, though he negates to point out how the racist sentiments expressed on his own network are far more detrimental to this country given that when it comes to race in this country, everything is as fair and balanced as the spin-masters who deliver the news on Fox.

And we all remember how safe women are around Fox News’ favorite occasional phone sex operator.

The only thing I will say about Rosie’s comments is that once she steps into journalistic territory unless she can back up her statements with facts, she is susceptible to criticism — even from the likes of self-absorbed hypocritical jackasses like Bill O’Reilly.

Still, I wonder if this has more to do with O’Reilly being jealous of all of the venom going Rosie’s way lately in the press. He seems like the jealous type. The diva.

Someone lock these two in a cage already so they can put America out of its misery.

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There’s something about pretentious ex-strippers turned sub par rapper-actresses that grates my nerves. I’m all for personal growth and maturation in person’s post-pole world, but once you begin to place yourself on a pedestal and fault others for the very same things you’ve perpetuated over the years you’re subject to criticism — on this blog anyway.

(St)Eve, who hasn’t done anything of note in several years, is on the cover of latest issue of Giant magazine in what I gather is her attempt to remind people that she’s still alive. I’m more interested in knowing if she’s found something to do, because her show was axed a good while ago, her sex tape is old news, and she’s beginning to give me Foxy Brown vibes in regards to her recording career.

In the cover story, (St)Eve discusses everything from the aforementioned sex tape to her relationship with the Guinean dictator, Teodorin Nguema Obiang to her thoughts on the current state of hip hop.

I find her newfound case of Alzheimer’s hysterical.

On the current state of Hip Hop and her future plans in the industry:

For me it all started with [D4L’s] ‘Laffy Taffy.’ When I first heard that song on the radio, I just knew it was a joke, but then I kept hearing it. Every artist has the right to do what they want, but I don’t believe in making that kind of music. It’s disposable.”Eventually, I want to completely move into moviemaking because it is a pretty stable life. Music is unfortunately, getting crazy. I mean, rock stars don’t even have longevity and music is just – hip-hop, especially – so…superficial.”

Let me be honest: I love “Laffy Taffy.” Though sophomoric in subject matter, I find it catchy, and it’s something to two-step to in the club when you’re waiting on the DJ to play the extended mix to “Get Me Bodied” so you can really dance.

There is this stigma — particularly applied by East Coast hip hop fans — attached to southern hip hop e.g. “they’re destroying it.” For the record, hip hop was fatally shot in the late 1990s when hip hop crossed on over to the mainstream by riding the waves of self-absorption and materialism. You can thank Puffy for that, not the South.

I find Eve’s characterization of that song as disposable, and the notion of her not believing in creating that “kind of music” laughable, considering that outside of “Love Is Blind,” she hasn’t exactly recorded anything of depth. While I do agree that mainstream hip hop is grossly superficial, unless her new album is packed with material that’s light in superficialities, I have a hard time taking her criticism seriously. Especially when her bars on Kelly Rowland’s new single, “Like This” is akin to previous wackness spewed on her last two albums.

“Hip-hop is in cardiac arrest, but I think it’s revivable. it’s not that I’m so profound, rhyming about when Jesus came down or anything, but I take the time to sit down and make sure my words come together so they sound right and flow with the track. I think a lot of that is missing.”

See. Even she knows it! Personally, I find “I’m lookin fa Mrs. Bubble GumI’m Mr. Chik-O-Stick, I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh), Cuz you so thick” to be profound, but I guess we can’t be all as sophisticated as (St)Eve. Someone dates a killer and suddenly they’re “refined.” Mmph.

As I said, I’m all for personal evolution and blossoming into a more polished and sophisticated person. But, when you take on a deeper-than-thou attitude when you’re as superficial as your blond extensions and my favorite candy-inspired song, we got problems.

To be fair, I will wait on (St)Eve’s album (that is, if it ever drops) and see if the former pit-bull in a skirt’s bite is as big as her park. I suppose I should just be grateful she no longer looks like she has to tape her penis down.

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Another day of browsing through the message boards, another reason to continue to distance myself from all that entails myspace. While I do have a page, images like these serve as a reminder of why I ought to give more consideration into deleting it. As I mentioned, I ran across this image on a message board and after stewing over it for a while I’m left with the same reaction as my initial one: rage. Only a few weeks ago was News Corp., -which owns myspace – the subject of intense criticism on the Huffington Post over accusations of exhibiting blatant racism over the airwaves of Fox News Channel. Now, it seems blatant racist advertisements are allowed to flood the pages of myspace.

I thank News Corp. for Family Guy, but this I can do without. While I’m at it, Fox News can go away, too.

Click here to contact myspace’s customer service. Feel free to spew venom — tactfully, of course.

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If there’s still doubt over if there is a disparity in sentencing along racial and class lines, look no further than the story of 14-year-old Shaquanda Cotton.

Cotton, a native of Paris, Texas – a city that likes to tout itself as the “best small town” in Texas – is coming under fire after sentencing Cotton to seven years in prison for shoving a hall monitor.

And then there is the case that most troubles Cherry and leaders of the Texas NAACP, involving a 14-year-old black freshman, Shaquanda Cotton, who shoved a hall monitor at Paris High School in a dispute over entering the building before the school day had officially begun. The youth had no prior arrest record, and the hall monitor–a 58-year-old teacher’s aide–was not seriously injured. But Shaquanda was tried in March 2006 in the town’s juvenile court, convicted of “assault on a public servant” and sentenced by Lamar County Judge Chuck Superville to prison for up to 7 years, until she turns 21.

One shove equals a ruined life?

There was the 19-year-old white man, convicted last July of criminally negligent homicide for killing a 54-year-old black woman and her 3-year-old grandson with his truck, who was sentenced in Paris to probation and required to send an annual Christmas card to the victims’ family. Just three months earlier, Superville sentenced a 14-year-old white girl, convicted of arson for burning down her family’s house, to probation.

Kill someone and you get probation and a required trip to the Hallmark store. Burn your own family’s home down and you get probation. Shove a hall monitor and you’re sentenced to 7 years in prison. That sounds fair, right?

There are the Paris public schools, which are under investigation by the U.S. Education Department after repeated complaints that administrators discipline black students more frequently, and more harshly, than white students.

As you continue reading the article, you’ll learn of other problems Shaquanda has had with the school, as well as her mother’s acknowledgment that Shaquanda has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder – which she is taking prescription medication for.

Click here to read information on how you can write Shaquanda, the judge, and Governor Perry.

I would go on, but it’s better for you to read the article yourself. It’s frustrasting, not surprising, and again, frustrating.

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I haven’t paid much attention to American Idol since the days of Fantasia Barrino, so I’m totally out of the loop. I know, I know: some pop culture whore I am, right? Well, I do still watch Simon and co. berate the outcasts at the beginning of the season, if that helps in preventing ya’ll from thinking less of me. I think it should count for something. I mean, don’t be so hard on a guy.

In any event, like I said while I haven’t been keeping up, I am aware of the Sanjaya phenomenon that’s been brewing over the past couple of weeks. I remember seeing his audition. My only reaction to him was, “Great hair!” After checking out a few of his performances via Youtube, I still hold on to that initial reaction. Great hair indeed.

But, to some people – judgmental people – Sanjaya just doesn’t belong on the bill. Meet the latest and greatest attention whore of Myspace:

Hi, my name is J. I have always been a big fan of American Idol, so like many people I was excited for the 6th season to start this year.

Aside from the initial debacle with contestant Antonella Barba, season 6 was starting to look like it may be actually very good. The big voices of Melinda Doolittle and LaKisha Jones, the innovative styling’s of Blake Lewis, and the smooth R&B of Phil Stacey are just a few of the hopefuls with immense potential.

However, there is one hinge in this broad spectrum of talent this year … Sanjaya Malakar.

We have no problems with Sanjaya personally, he seems like a very personable and charming young man. However, he does NOT belong on American Idol. The judges faltered with their decision to place him in the 24, and American Idol voters have done even worse by keeping him on.

So until the day that Sanjya is no longer American Idol, I will be going on a hunger strike. This means I will refuse to eat anything until American Idol voters wise up, and stop voting Sanjya through each week.

So let me get this straight: Thousands of troops are dying in Iraq, Afghanistan is on its way back to the way it was before the post 9/11 attacks, Dumbya and co. might launch us into another war with Iran, and McDonalds has yet to bring back the McRib despite the protest of thousands, and you’re starving yourself over an sensationalized talent show on FOX?!

Sanjaya has great hair and nice teeth, and in America, isn’t that all that matters in a singing competition? Folks need to quit dawgin’ my boy with the bomb curling iron. Haters. Mmph.

This loonboon keeps a daily blog of her Mary Kate-inspired meal plan – err umm -“protest”on the site.

I don’t know about all of you, but I’m tempted to vote for Sanjaya now and post pictures of mountains of food on her myspace wall.

Viva, Sanjaya!

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There are some things in life that are unforgivable. Things like being consistently dishonest, talking about my mama, or voting for anyone with the last name Bush will lead me to permanently seeing you in a negative light. Still, there is a far worse grievance than the aforementioned. An act so heinous that the mere thought over the vile deed and the person who performed it will leave you with such an utter disgust that it will eat away at your soul— and ear drums! This act is performing a classic Mariah Carey ballad when you know damn well that your ass cannot sing!

Yes, Rihanna, this means you! There is something about this Beyonce swagger-jacker that grates my nerves. I admit, I danced to “Pon De Replay” on the A train in summer ’05, and I found “S.O.S. (Rescue Me)” to be surprisingly catchy and addictive. But, once I began to notice that she took herself seriously as a vocalist, I began to question her sanity.

I will give her one thing: She’s making an effort to learn.

Rihanna on working with Ne-Yo: “I’ve never had vocal training, so when I’m in the studio, he’ll tell me how to breathe and stuff. And I’m like, ‘What?’ Like he’ll call out these big fancy words: ‘OK, I want you to do staccato.’ And I’m like, ‘OK, I don’t know what that is.’ “

You don’t say. While I applaud her efforts to improve, there’s this certain little thing called talent. You either have it or you don’t. Vocally, Rihanna doesn’t have it, and not even Pro Tools can save you.

I’ve watched her performed “Unfaithful” many times: She sounds exactly like the track; I grew a sudden appreciation for sign language soon after.

This is video of Rihanna performing Mariah’s classic ballad, “Hero.”

It’s a then 16 Rihanna performing at an area talent show. I’m assuming that there’s a built in applause machine on the set, because in no way can anyone applaud her pain-inducing spin on this song with sound judgment.

“Enjoy” the video. I’m sure pre-Emancipation would’ve kicked her in the throat for this cover. Check out the “note” she hits towards the end of her performance.

She really tried, bless her heart.

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There are a number of reasons why my beloved hometown of Houston, Texas has been labeled the fattest city in the country for most of the decade. One of those reasons include lovely little heart attack-inducing treats like fried Oreos.

You read that right: fried Oreo cookies. Oh, it gets even more fattening. After spending much of Saturday afternoon at the carnival sponsored by the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo (mock us if you must), I noticed they now offer other fried snack foods like fried Twinkies and fried Hostess cupcakes.

Why? I guess everyone has a right to choose their method of death. Who am I to judge if someone chooses to die in the form of taking foods already high in fat and frying them to make the recipe for diabetes even more potent?

Walking around, I noticed there was food everywhere – most of it consisting of fried foods and large chunks of meat. Turkey legs to die for. Fried pickles poking at your taste bud’s curiosity. Cheesecakes dipped in chocolate. Half pound burgers. A mountain of curly fries topped with cheddar cheese sauce. Five kinds of sausage on a stick.

I made a decision earlier in the year to fall back on eating food that’s fried or can be passed to me from a window. It has gone surprisingly well.

However, whenever I’m home, that goal becomes increasingly difficult to maintain as most of my options are related to both. Starving, I decided to go ahead and take a break and indulge with the rest of the carnival goers. I went with the fried catfish basket.

As much as I love catfish, lately I’ve been opting for baked tilapia instead. (Some of you are probably calling me a sell out right now.) The woman standing behind me in the line – fresh from the rodeo and donning a huge cowboy hat (of course) – said to her friends, “This ain’t nothing but a heart attack in a basket, ya’ll.”

Thanks, ma’am. You’ve made my meal sound all the more appetizing.

After spending almost $8.00 on this “heart attack in a basket,” I decided I can’t afford to waste it. I was certain someone in the area had an Advil on them, and someone has got to know how to perform CPR should my heart decide to teach me an early lesson.

It was only after I ate my food did I notice Subway was there. I didn’t notice it initially, because it was the one food venue with no crowd. Jared isn’t that popular ’round these parts.

The more I walked around, the more I noticed just how incredibly huge people in Texas are. Some people can attribute their girth to genetics while most can thank an unhealthy diet. Guess which one fit most of this crowd?

No offense to anyone reading this, but the area looked like a sea of Klumps. Black Klumps. White Klumps. Latino Klumps. Asian Klumps.

One nation under obesity, with liberty, justice, and vegetable oil for all.

You could also see the beginning stages of obesity through all of the overweight children sweating profusely as they walk with their overweight parents while munching on their cheese fries, turkey legs, baked potatoes topped with overflowing portions of brisket, and burgers. A half pound burger today breeds a neck reminiscent of a 12-pack of hot dogs tomorrow.

I felt bad for them; it’s not their fault.

I remember when I was overweight. It started out with me asking for a twenty piece nugget with fries at McDonalds around the age of 11 with me going on to consume Ultimate Cheeseburger (double meat and cheese) Combos jumbo-sized (fries and drink) with two tacos from Jack and the Box daily at the age of 18.

While I did lose a lot of my “baby fat” around the age of 15, I was certainly finding my adult fat as I approached the end of my senior year in high school.

I am not the poster child for a healthy lifestyle, but I have been making the effort to exercise regularly and eat healthier. Most of the health problems that plague relatives of mine or relatives of friends of mine stem from years of leading an unhealthy lifestyle.

I’m not suggesting everyone start to eat salads everyday of their life as I still grimace at anything green found on my plate that I have to force myself to eat. But, ask yourself something: Do you really want to end up needing dialysis everyday of your life because you couldn’t get enough of a fried cookie?

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If you’ve expressed any doubts on whether America’s standing in the international community has lowered in recent years, look no further than the press coverage of President Bush’s five-nation tour across Latin America.

Read about Mayan leaders spiritually “cleansing” ancient ruins in Guatemala after Bush visted the sight.

The leaders said they would hold a spiritual ceremony to restore “peace and harmony” at the Mayan ruins of Iximche after Bush tours the site on Monday.

“No, Mr. Bush, you cannot trample and degrade the memory of our ancestors,” said indigenous leader Rodolfo Pocop during a press conference. “This is not your ranch in Texas.”

They may be spiritual leaders, but that doesn’t bar them from possessing an icy wit.

What does it say about you when people feel that they have to perform a cleansing ceremony the second after you step on their sacred grounds? Probably about as good as it feels to know that your image is being burned in effigy across the globe.

But of course, there were protests:

The demonstrators burned U.S. flags and waved banners with slogans against the U.S. president such as, “Bush you are not welcome in Mexico. Go to Hell.”

In Mérida, about 100 protesters marched to Bush´s hotel for the second night in a row carrying Mexican flags and calling the U.S. president a “murderer.”

I don’t know what that means, but if it reads like the other f-word here, aye dios mio!

No translation needed.

Greetings from Brazil.

Well we do encourage freedom of speech.
Feel the love from Latin American leaders:

Nicaraguan president, Daniel Ortega, assured that US president, George W. Bush, did not bring any concrete solution to the economic and social problems of Latin America during his tour of the region.

According to the Sandinista leader “(Bush) came to take his picture with Latin American presidents but brought nothing at all.”

He also recalled that the United States refuses payment of 17 billion dollars in compensation for the terrorist actions against his country decreed by The Hague International Court of Justice.

This reads like it points to beloved adage amongst strippers: F*ck you, pay me.

You already know Hugo chimed in:

Cheered by thousands, Chavez said Bush’s tour was a failure.

“Latin Americans are telling you: ‘Gringo, go home!'” he said.

Are you still in doubt?
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Beyonce, in many ways, is a lot like our dear commander-and-thief, George Bush: Each means well, but rarely if ever do they properly articulate their thoughts – instantly leading anyone paying attention to think they haven’t a clue as to what they’re talking about.

A good example of this is when Miss Independent Woman herself told Vanity Fair that in order to be a strong woman you must have a strong man. Another is when she claimed her religion would never allow her to succumb to antics done by the likes of Britney and Madonna at the VMAs, which put her on the bad side of a large faction of her fanbase. She quickly rebounded, though, when she let a room full of gay men check on it at popular gay club in New York. Praise him.

And here we are, years removed from both, and she’s back at it. This time her asinine comments concern her wealth. In an interview with Pride magazine, Beyonce says she’s a bit embarrassed by the wealth she’s accumulated throughout her constant I’m-in-your-face-and-you-will-love-me-dammit career.

“I just wanted to be financially stable and it embarrasses me, and I don’t feel comfortable talking or thinking about it.”

What’s wrong with that? Nothing, actually. I find it to be a very humble way of acknowledging her very much deserved achievements? So what am I complaining about this time?

Beyonce added: “I’m not a flashy girl, and I don’t flaunt it.”

Really now?

Audemars Piguet watch
Dimples in ya necktie
Hermes briefcase
Cartier top clips
Silk lined blazers
Diamond creamed facials
VVS cuff links
6 star pent suites

*starts dancing*

Patna let me upgrade ya grade ya
Patna patna let me upgrade ya grade ya

Wait, this is Beyonce. I can’t fault her too much, right? I mean she’s so…pretty. Now that I think about it, she’s not really twirkin’ in the trunk of the Bentley like she’s showing off. She just wanted to us to see how spacious it is! And she probably only wore the fur because it was so cold on the set. Not to mention those headlights are so bright, so I bet she needed those shades. Plus the song is called “Upgrade U,” not “Save Your Credit.”

Are you judging me right me? Well, you shouldn’t! If the neocons can do it with Bush, why can’t I do it with Beyonce?

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It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned the good Reverend Jerry Falwell – mainly because I was pretending Falwell, along with Pat Robertson, and other like-minded idiots who spout out their hatred under the guise of promoting Christianity no longer existed. But, when you’re the type of person who makes the news for placing the blame of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on pagans, homosexuals, and abortionists, you, much like the crack heads getting low to go-go on Florida Avenue, are hard to ignore.

What’s on Jerry’s mind now? Global warming, or what Jerry would call Satan’s wicked tampering with Earth’s thermostat! According to Dr. Falwell – who holds no degree in any science-related field – global warming is nothing more than, “Satan’s attempt to redirect the church’s primary focus from evangelism to environmentalism.” Falwell said that, “the jury is still out” on whether humans are causing — or could stop — global warming.

Ever gracious, Falwell went on to add Christian leaders are naïve and are being duped by films like An Inconvenient Truth. Falwell suggests the film’s title be changed to A Convenient Untruth.

Isn’t he clever?

If you’re unaware, Falwell, like many other Christians, [unfortunately] believe that we can trash the Earth as much as we want as it doesn’t matter. How come? Well, because Jesus, much like Captain Planet, is a hero, and is gonna take pollution down to zero…upon his return!

Call me cynical (you should, it’s in the blog title anyway), but I’m also thinking the good Lord over at Exxon Mobile also has something to do with Falwell’s sudden urge to speak out against the threat of global warming, warning Christians to be “responsible environmentalists,” but not “first class nuts.”

Nevermind those little blips in scripture about protecting God’s creations. They’re probably typos.

Now what exactly would Falwell rather spend his time talking about? Well, he is the same person that once promoted racial segregation as the Lord’s will. He’s also the same “Christian” that championed apartheid in South Africa, and opposed Nelson Mandela’s release from prison. I’ve already established that he hates gays, so what else is there to talk about? Oh, wait, Hillary Clinton, the last fight in his “holy task” of continuing on the legacy of promoting white male suffrage. He has to keep the fancy lady/devil woman who wears pants and rocks a short cut out of office.

My goal is to do my little part to preserve America for our children and grandchildren, the kind of America that I grew up in.”

Yes, I’ve read about his America: I’m not humming old Negro spirituals while standing in line for the colored water fountain so this fool can reminisce about happier times.

And just look at what he has to say about his fellow Christians: “Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions.”

Get to work, Planeteers!
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