This Week In Zealotry

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It’s been a while since I’ve mentioned the good Reverend Jerry Falwell – mainly because I was pretending Falwell, along with Pat Robertson, and other like-minded idiots who spout out their hatred under the guise of promoting Christianity no longer existed. But, when you’re the type of person who makes the news for placing the blame of the 9/11 terrorist attacks on pagans, homosexuals, and abortionists, you, much like the crack heads getting low to go-go on Florida Avenue, are hard to ignore.

What’s on Jerry’s mind now? Global warming, or what Jerry would call Satan’s wicked tampering with Earth’s thermostat! According to Dr. Falwell – who holds no degree in any science-related field – global warming is nothing more than, “Satan’s attempt to redirect the church’s primary focus from evangelism to environmentalism.” Falwell said that, “the jury is still out” on whether humans are causing — or could stop — global warming.

Ever gracious, Falwell went on to add Christian leaders are naïve and are being duped by films like An Inconvenient Truth. Falwell suggests the film’s title be changed to A Convenient Untruth.

Isn’t he clever?

If you’re unaware, Falwell, like many other Christians, [unfortunately] believe that we can trash the Earth as much as we want as it doesn’t matter. How come? Well, because Jesus, much like Captain Planet, is a hero, and is gonna take pollution down to zero…upon his return!

Call me cynical (you should, it’s in the blog title anyway), but I’m also thinking the good Lord over at Exxon Mobile also has something to do with Falwell’s sudden urge to speak out against the threat of global warming, warning Christians to be “responsible environmentalists,” but not “first class nuts.”

Nevermind those little blips in scripture about protecting God’s creations. They’re probably typos.

Now what exactly would Falwell rather spend his time talking about? Well, he is the same person that once promoted racial segregation as the Lord’s will. He’s also the same “Christian” that championed apartheid in South Africa, and opposed Nelson Mandela’s release from prison. I’ve already established that he hates gays, so what else is there to talk about? Oh, wait, Hillary Clinton, the last fight in his “holy task” of continuing on the legacy of promoting white male suffrage. He has to keep the fancy lady/devil woman who wears pants and rocks a short cut out of office.

My goal is to do my little part to preserve America for our children and grandchildren, the kind of America that I grew up in.”

Yes, I’ve read about his America: I’m not humming old Negro spirituals while standing in line for the colored water fountain so this fool can reminisce about happier times.

And just look at what he has to say about his fellow Christians: “Christians, like slaves and soldiers, ask no questions.”

Get to work, Planeteers!
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