From The Pole To A Pedestal

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There’s something about pretentious ex-strippers turned sub par rapper-actresses that grates my nerves. I’m all for personal growth and maturation in person’s post-pole world, but once you begin to place yourself on a pedestal and fault others for the very same things you’ve perpetuated over the years you’re subject to criticism — on this blog anyway.

(St)Eve, who hasn’t done anything of note in several years, is on the cover of latest issue of Giant magazine in what I gather is her attempt to remind people that she’s still alive. I’m more interested in knowing if she’s found something to do, because her show was axed a good while ago, her sex tape is old news, and she’s beginning to give me Foxy Brown vibes in regards to her recording career.

In the cover story, (St)Eve discusses everything from the aforementioned sex tape to her relationship with the Guinean dictator, Teodorin Nguema Obiang to her thoughts on the current state of hip hop.

I find her newfound case of Alzheimer’s hysterical.

On the current state of Hip Hop and her future plans in the industry:

For me it all started with [D4L’s] ‘Laffy Taffy.’ When I first heard that song on the radio, I just knew it was a joke, but then I kept hearing it. Every artist has the right to do what they want, but I don’t believe in making that kind of music. It’s disposable.”Eventually, I want to completely move into moviemaking because it is a pretty stable life. Music is unfortunately, getting crazy. I mean, rock stars don’t even have longevity and music is just – hip-hop, especially – so…superficial.”

Let me be honest: I love “Laffy Taffy.” Though sophomoric in subject matter, I find it catchy, and it’s something to two-step to in the club when you’re waiting on the DJ to play the extended mix to “Get Me Bodied” so you can really dance.

There is this stigma — particularly applied by East Coast hip hop fans — attached to southern hip hop e.g. “they’re destroying it.” For the record, hip hop was fatally shot in the late 1990s when hip hop crossed on over to the mainstream by riding the waves of self-absorption and materialism. You can thank Puffy for that, not the South.

I find Eve’s characterization of that song as disposable, and the notion of her not believing in creating that “kind of music” laughable, considering that outside of “Love Is Blind,” she hasn’t exactly recorded anything of depth. While I do agree that mainstream hip hop is grossly superficial, unless her new album is packed with material that’s light in superficialities, I have a hard time taking her criticism seriously. Especially when her bars on Kelly Rowland’s new single, “Like This” is akin to previous wackness spewed on her last two albums.

“Hip-hop is in cardiac arrest, but I think it’s revivable. it’s not that I’m so profound, rhyming about when Jesus came down or anything, but I take the time to sit down and make sure my words come together so they sound right and flow with the track. I think a lot of that is missing.”

See. Even she knows it! Personally, I find “I’m lookin fa Mrs. Bubble GumI’m Mr. Chik-O-Stick, I wanna (dun dun dunt) (oh), Cuz you so thick” to be profound, but I guess we can’t be all as sophisticated as (St)Eve. Someone dates a killer and suddenly they’re “refined.” Mmph.

As I said, I’m all for personal evolution and blossoming into a more polished and sophisticated person. But, when you take on a deeper-than-thou attitude when you’re as superficial as your blond extensions and my favorite candy-inspired song, we got problems.

To be fair, I will wait on (St)Eve’s album (that is, if it ever drops) and see if the former pit-bull in a skirt’s bite is as big as her park. I suppose I should just be grateful she no longer looks like she has to tape her penis down.

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