This Is For You, Sanjaya

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone

There are some things in life that remain unexplainable. How can the wealthiest country in the world have so many people living below the poverty line? Why is there so much hatred in the world today? Why didn’t someone hide my credit card applications from me? And, the one that trounces them all: How in the hell could America vote off Sanjaya Malakar?

I don’t know what your problem is America, but you’re really starting to piss me off. How dare ya’ll vote off Sanjaya? So what he couldn’t sing as well as the others, do you even know any of the other contestants’ names? I sure don’t…and I don’t care to learn them either. They were all boring! Sanjaya was charismatic, entertaining, and most of all, he had great hair and great teeth. Does that mean nothing to you people?

Sanjaya’s hair was the key to his success. Sanjaya’s hair is to him what Sasha is to Beyonce. Now I’ll never know how he plans to wear it next week.

Racists! Homophobes! (I’m guessing) Bald people! Yuckmouths!

Sanjaya was on his way to becoming my new Ashanti and now that dream as died thanks to you snobs that think one has to still be able to sing to have a recording career. You people living in the Stone Age make me sick. Google Pro Tools and upgrade yourselves.

Before I get up to yell expletives out of my window out of bitter frustration, let us all join together and reflect on the great entertainment Sanjaya provided all of us — even those of you with dandruff that were hating.

Every note you cracked, it makes me sad because I know you’re not coming back. But every comb you buy will keep your hair oh so fly, and you pretty teeth will never appear back on TV, so I’ll be missing you.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone