See I Can Be Nice

Though she’s a bit out of my age bracket, I like the idea of a 15-year-old not caving into the pressures of a recording industry (and society) quick to sexualize a person at the earliest signs of puberty. It’s refreshing to see a young woman not allowed to vote not pushing the envelope with a Lolita image (for now anyway). So while I’ve never actually heard anyone actually talk about a promise ring outside of maybe dialogue from an episode of Saved By The Bell, I’m relieved that a young Tiffany Evans isn’t saying, “Yes I’ll lick you with my tongue ring” or “The baby is yours” or remind me of any of those young fools bragging about giving it up for a double cheeseburger off the McDonald’s dollar menu on Maury Povich.

And after watching a live performance of “Promise Ring” via Youtube I was happy to see that she could sing and dance at the same time – something I haven’t seen from an artist her age (and in a lot of cases, a lot older) since the 90s. Alas, there’s hope for her generation and hope for me that I won’t become the old man who constantly yells musings about the “good ole days” of music to poor random souls in my 20s.

Watch This Commercial For Only 9.95

I love Mariah Carey. Only she could sexualize a perfume ad in a subtly that’s normally only exhibited by 976 number commercials. The close ups, the dabbing of the perfume in the most personal of places, and the cheesy kiddie keyboard produced music: I felt like I was watching a trailer for a 90s era softcore porno on Cinemax.

But this is Mariah, so all of the butterflies, rainbows, and lambs in the world are working overtime to make sure I don’t shun her for preserving her sessy for the millionth time. With that being said, do you, Mimi. Do you.

This Week In B*tch Grow Up

Did anyone ever figure out what type of puppy that was on her head?

Disclaimer: Of course not all women are bitches. I’m gender-neutral on the word. Men can be bitches, too, and will be featured in this as well.

Now, that we’ve gotten that out of way let me continue my rant on the most delusional bitch of the week.

As part of her press run for the push for her second round of celebrity dick tales, The Vixen Diaries, Karrine Steffans has been calling in to a number of radio stations across the country.

For one station in Detroit, she’s quick to snap on a DJ not to call her “Superhead.” Ok, Karrine, I understand. Maybe they call you Incrediblehead now.

But then she snaps into asking why society celebrates a name like “Superhead.” This is of course the same celebrity-obsessed society she purposely marketed her book towards.

One more thing:

Uh huh.

She goes on to deny that sleeping with celebrities is how she got her success.

“My success comes from being able to sit down and write a 250 page manuscript and sell it and become a New York Times bestselling author.”

From her new book:

“I recalled his face and lips [exploring my body] … I wondered how I tasted to her.” — Karrine on her relationship with boxer Antonio Tarver shortly before he married.

Toni Morrison and Zora Neale Hurston from beyond called. They both said, “Ho, sit down.”

“The point of the first book was that sleeping with people got me no where.”

If that’s the case, why is she still writing about it? Nevermind, wouldn’t want her to strain her head to think about all the times she’s given it.

After being called out on her pornographic past, Karrine defends it by shouting back that she was a 20-year-old-mother that got left by her husband, was hooked on drugs, and needed money. I guess the bank and Macys weren’t hiring.

There’s another interview with the Rickey Smiley morning show. Angered again by type of questions again, she tells the morning crew:

“At this point and stage, I feel like people in the African American community no one wants me to change, and no one wants me to be different. And it’s really disheartening for me when I speak to all these stations and – because you know I do this all day long now – it’s usually my own people that try to tear me down and ask me ignorant questions. I’d like to see more of my people ask more of the questions…I don’t want the white folk to get all the good stuff.”

Then she continues to go on to portray herself as some victim, and pretending to act as if she didn’t use sex as an ATM card.

I find it interesting that she’s championing white people for their “intelligent questions.” Well when you perpetuate a stereotype about black women, I’m sure some circles would welcome you with open arms. I’m even more sure a lot of mainstream outlets could care less about her.

She also said she can’t speak to ignorant people, because it gives her a headache. This is the same woman who’s writing about rough sex with Mike Tyson, allows Bobby Brown to sleep on her couch, and gone on extasy binges with a number of rappers. Hand her the Advil.

I really don’t mind the fact that she’s chasing celebrity so long as she’s being truthful about her methods of attaining it. She just irks the hell out of me trying to be saddity on-air when you can’t help but wonder if her walls are collapsing with every new chapter she writes.

Do what you do but real about it. I don’t knock her hustle. I knock her for being devoid of reality.

Was It That Serious?

After reading Jason’s comment, I decided that maybe I was a bit hard on the show. I didn’t mean to imply the show was completely pointless. What I thought was pointless was the Crossfire inspired back and forth yelling. That’s not debating to me. I think when you come into something with a defensive attitude, you’re not going to be open to hearing the other side, and in the end, you end up just saying something that falls on deaf ears.

But it could have been worse. T.I. could’ve gotten up and stabbed Dyson in the throat.

A man stabbed his roommate after they got into a heated discussion about the music industry, Leon County deputies said Wednesday.

The roommate, along with witnesses, told deputies he was accidentally stabbed while washing dishes. They maintained this version of the story until confronted with the inconsistencies of their accounts.

It later came out that the roommate and Morris were watching a TV show about the state of hip-hop in America. The two began discussing how black men are portrayed in the music industry.

As the conversation became heated, Morris grabbed a knife, according to the arrest report. The two struggled for control of the knife and then Morris stabbed him.

The irony. I’m thinking of a word that I really don’t want to say. Gave it up. But dammit, I know you know what I’m thinking!

Hip Hop vs. America, Part 01

Missed part one of the series of debates BET has set up to discuss the siege on hip hop? Think of a group of children pointing at each other and yelling, “You did it!,” “No youuuuuu did it!” back and forth for long a period of time with nothing of note being accomplished at the end of the it. There, I just saved you an hour of your life.

But if you’re curious for a few more details, here’s a short review of some of last night’s panelists.

This man seriously needs to need to hop off 2 Pac’s dick. He’s dead, Dyson. Let the worms have it already. Last night he flexed his extensive vocabulary to say a bunch of nothing, then ended his sermon-style delivered rant by quoting a bunch of rap lyrics and reppin’ the West Coast. We get it: you’re down.

Are you as glad as I am that Nelly no longer covers his pimples with band-aids? Praise Proactiv. I didn’t agree with him completely, but he managed to make a few points of merit and came across as someone with sense. I still think he employs the dodge-and-deflect approach when it comes to owning up to his actions. I appreciate him showing up to talk about “Tip Drill” — albeit a few years late. I’m glad NWA’s lyrics never motivated him to shoot anyone up. But, I’m interesting in knowing how 2 Live Crew (among others) influenced his depictions of women. A-ha!

What an angry little man. I really like him, but dammit if he didn’t sound like the fool last night. He spoke like his front teeth were missing and his tongue had a stroke. Thankfully, I’m from the South, so I could make out most of what he said.

I never agree with him, but the one time I actually don’t mind to hear him speak, he’s mute most of the time. Thanks for not countering Dyson’s nonsense, Stanley.

For the most part, both sides accomplished nothing because instead of listening, they pretty much yelled at each other and at certain points seemed visibly upset. I’m sure books were sold, though. Hooray for that!

If I’m glutton for punishment, perhaps I’ll watch part two later tonight.

Say What?

“You are the modern day Sade.” – Rosci to Alicia Keys after the premiere of Alicia’s video for “No One.”

I’ve been listening to Sade since I was three. Don’t believe me? Email my mama. She’ll tell you about this:

That’s the Fisher Price record player I used to bump Sade back in the day. I find that insulting. The only thing I can think of that those two could have in common are drugs. Alicia’s blunt to Sade’s pipe.

I could compare Alicia Please to Mr. Whiskers, because that’s who she sounds like on that track.

No oooooooooooooooone

No oooooooooooooooooooone


Swagger Jacker Of The Week





Whoever told Crust (thanks, Blu) that the taped up library-bound glasses with the Coke can cap chain was the look to shoot for to plug the new album is probably on Usher’s pay roll.

It seems like his camp is unfamiliar with the phrase ‘trying too hard.’ So far that approach to marketing has done wonders to build anticipation for his sophomore release, Exclusive.

Check out the debut of his second single on the Hot 100.


Zoom. Look at it go.

I know I make fun of the kid, but I don’t want him to flop. I get the feeling he’d back flip a couple of times out of anger then cry if his career tanked like Bow Wow’s. That’s no good. But, I’d advise him to give DMC his hat and frames back and let Shock G keep the title of goofiest artist alive if he’s looking into making a successful transition from teen act to adult artist.

Re: Jena

This might not be a popular opinion, but I’ll go ahead anyway.

I’m glad people are in Jena and I am glad people are taking a stand, but it actually bothers me a bit that it takes a story of stereotypical southern town with hanging nooses for people to talk about racism and segregation in large numbers in this country.

When I first heard about Jena, I wasn’t surprised because I already knew about towns like that in Louisiana, Texas, and other parts of the South.

There’s a town in Texas called Vidor. It’s en route to Louisiana and it’s a town I wouldn’t dare stop in. I’m not welcomed.

But the irony is, every major city in this country has large portions who harbor that same attitude towards people that look like me. It’s called redlining. I was listening to coverage on CNN for a few minutes and I heard the anchor, Tony Harris, say “It’s just like the 60s here.” Then he went on about Civil Rights. I’m just amazed that in this country everything has to go back to that.

I’m not saying forget, but I would think with schools more segregated now than they were before legalized segregation, and the end of affirmative action, jail figures, the way we’re depicted in the media (including Fox News anchors being openly racist on air), the huge numbers of blacks not even finishing high school, gentrification, and just so many other instances of obvious racism (even if it is covert, it’s obvious) going on in this country that people won’t talk about or take action unless you hear a story about a noose. There’s already a noose tied around Black America’s neck; a lot of us are just too busy pretending it’s not there.

Like I said, I believe that this a great thing that people united to take a stand. I’m not trying to say it’s pointless in any respect. I appreciate the symbolism.

But, I get the feeling it might take another noose or a burning cross to get major reactions out of people — and it shouldn’t have to.

Who’s Going To The Bad Place?

(Hey, I’m not mocking. They’re for dramatic effect. Don’t stone me.)

All you lay religious people, triflin’ heathens, and flat out non believers are getting a reprieve this week: God just might have bigger fish to fry this Friday besides any one of you.

We start off with Ernie Chambers, a Nebraskan state Senator that filed a lawsuit against God last week.

Chambers says in his lawsuit that God has made terroristic threats against the senator and his constituents, inspired fear and caused “widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth’s inhabitants.”

I was scared to even re-post that on my blog.

It gets worse:

The Omaha senator, who skips morning prayers during the legislative session and often criticizes Christians, also says God has caused “fearsome floods … horrendous hurricanes, terrifying tornadoes.” He’s seeking a permanent injunction against the Almighty.

Chambers claims his suit is in response to a federal suit filed against a judge who recently barred words such as “rape” and “victim” from a sexual assault trial. His goal is to make the point that anyone can file a lawsuit against anyone else as they see fit.

I know, I know. He got that from Ally McBeal. Swagger jacker.

Ironically enough, Chambers looks exactly like Morgan Freeman when he played God in Bruce Almighty.

Moving on to contestant number two in “Who’s Going To The Bad Place?,” televangelist Juanita Bynum. As mentioned on Sandra Rose, it seems Bynum needs each and every one of us to donate seeds to build “threshing floor.” She’s reaching out through a video posted on her site.

This “threshing floor” is where she goes to touch God for us…for only $9.95.

I’m kidding. She actually charges you a $1,000 to pray for God on your behalf. Miracles aren’t cheap.

This “threshing floor” sprawls over 30 acres with 12 lakes. She needs $200,000, and is asking us to give her any seed — $300, $500, $1,000, whatever your checkbook desires.

Guess someone wrote down the quote “Now we’re glad to have the kind of money that jingles, but we’d rather have the kind that folds,” while watching Coming To America.

I’m a bit lost on the idea of a “threshing floor,” but I do have a couple of questions.

1. Wasn’t she in the news a couple of weeks ago for getting her ass beat? Shouldn’t I be praying for her?

2. I understand that MC Hammer said that we got to pray just to make it today, but since when do I have to chip in to ask God to hear my prayers?

3. So is she for real, for real? This isn’t TBN trying to do sketch comedy, is it?

4. People are really going to give her the money, aren’t they?

5. Why can’t she pray for us at church where it’s free?

I hope I’m not offending anyone, but I’d feel closer to God singing the Amen theme song than I would giving her hundreds of dollars to help build a “threshing floor.”

I believe in prayer, but I don’t believe in paying someone’s car note.

You’re A Mean One

Here’s that new Fabolous video for a song I’m hoping to forget in the next ten minutes. Peep the cameos from Flavor of Love and Charm School’s own Larissa and Shay. Mortal enemies? Not if the check clears.

Whenever I look at Larissa, I think of that green bastard that tried to steal Christmas from Whoville.

I knoooooow you see it. I’m ready to hide my presents now.