No Comprende

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After watching her do the southside in the video for Destiny’s Child’s debut single, “No No No (Part II),” Beyonce found a special place in my heart. So special that I’ve always tried to make sense of her comments, no matter how untrue, poorly worded, or ridiculously stupid they may be. That includes everything from ‘unique interpretations of actual events’ dealing with ex-bandmates LeToya, LaTavia, and Farrah to ‘inaccurate but probably purely accidental’ claims to penning songs like their remake of BeeGees classic, “Emotion,” the megahit “Crazy In Love,” and her B-Day sales-saving smash “Irreplaceable.”

I’ve overlooked many of her indiscretions, including a performance at President Bush’s 2001 inauguration in which she commanded to the crowd, “Now let me hear you say Bush” without following up with the words “You stole the election!,” “Go fuck yourself!,” or “Please don’t ruin this country!” afterwards.

I even turned a deaf ear to thug-lusting, hood glorifying songs like “Soldier” while sternly warning my impressionable young niece to date a good looking nerd out of fear that the multi-tasking pop star’s message may have resonated with her.

Over the last few years, though, it’s become increasingly difficult to ignore such inane comments from her to the press like, “In order to be a strong woman, you must have a strong man.” I remember once suggesting that she look into wearing a muzzle, but after a while I thought that was a bit harsh. Not so much anymore.

At the age of twenty-six, one would think Beyonce has developed a certain degree of knowledge about the ways of the world, or at the very least, the ways of a highly-skilled publicist that can help guise the fact that she couldn’t get a clue on sale to anyone not privileged enough to know her personally (or willing to shill out $500 to meet her on tour). I’ve always known this, yet I chose to pretend it didn’t bother me; but now, I simply don’t know how much longer I can go on pretending – especially after reading her interview with Latina magazine.

Always looking to expand the brand and drain a project for all its worth like a merciless vampire (but no shade: get as much as you can while you’re still on top), Beyonce has released an all-Spanish EP dubbed Irreemplazable, featuring songs from the already re-released with Spanish songs B-Day album.

At the conclusion of the Q&A, Beyonce was asked if she had any thing that she would like to share with her Latina fans. She thanked her fans for embracing her. This embracement must have been overwhelming. So overwhelming Beyonce seems to be bitten by the jealously bug. She told interviewer, Angie Romero, “With the Latino stations, there was so much love and everyone is so genuine. I’m just jealous that I wasn’t born Latina. I wish I had been because the culture is so beautiful.”

Say what? Just last year was she not speaking about her Creole heritage, her proudly being a part of an all star black cast for a big-budget Hollywood musical, along with other feats she would like to accomplish as a black woman? Lest we forget she also said she makes ‘black records.’

How am I supposed to make sense of this? Should I be at least happy the interview wasn’t done in February?

I get that she’s just trying to crossover..and over…and over. I’m sure she’d tell a Beijing-based publication that she wish she learned Mandarin in second grade if she thought it would help her increase her profile in China.

Maybe she didn’t mean it the way it sounds, but this is yet another example of what happens when your parents let you drop out of school. I blame them.

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