It’s Britney, B*tch

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Since Britney Spears seems to be the only topic that matters anymore, I might as well give everyone their fix for the day:

Writer points out the obvious.

Only outdone by this story. I’m betting more Cheeto stains.

The FBI – obviously with nothing better to do – is investigating a hit placed on K.Fed’s life. No word if it’s Britney or if the perpetrator(s) sought a two-for-one-deal. Still awaiting word on why the FBI cares.

Perfect timing: Britney’s lawyer bails on the mother-of-the-year candidate the day of her custody hearing. Why? Britney ignored suggestions on how not to give your children away to your corny rapping ex-husband. Britney quickly finds new high powered attorney to ignore.

Gloria Allred has managed to get involved in the fray, confirming what’s been long suspected: She’s nothing more than ambulance chaser with a publicist. Allred represents the long rumored “secret witness,” a former Britney bodyguard who alleges drug use and issues with nudity against Britney. Britney…on drugs? Britney having issues with nudity? I would have never guessed.

He is not cross-examined.

This just in: As I type this entry, TMZ reports the FBI denies the story of investigating a death plot against Kevin Federline. Their likely feeling: “We’re not that lame.”

There’s also some war going on, but like last nite’s Emmy’s, Britney doesn’t make an appearance, so whatever.

Update: Britney has also been rumored to have been dumped by her management team today as well. Being dumped by your lawyer and manager all in one day. Impressive.

Update Two: Britney loses temporary custody of her kids.

She lost her lawyer, her manager, and her kids all one in day. This chick is having the WORST…WEEK….EVER!

Or maybe not, since she might not have lost custody after all.

No word on what time Britney went to Taco Bell at this time.

This has been your day in Britney.

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