I’ve never been big on Halloween. When I was six, I dressed up like whatever the blue one’s name was from Tiny Toon Adventures. After that, the folk just bought candy and I cleaned up at school. I’ve never been a big candy eater and real life is scarier than any costume or horror film themed around Halloween (including the Saw series). But, keeping with the theme of the day, here is a list of all that is spooky.
1. Watching Star and Al have sex.
2. Being Tocarra’s personal assistant.
3. Pepa’s new nose.
4. The last season of Nip/Tuck.
5. Becoming Tom Cruise’s latest prop to push the heterosexual image. Hi, Katie.
6. Being Britney Spears’ son.
7. Being Britney Spears’ anything.
8. Mya’s career.
9. Informing J.Lo that her would be Oscar contender, Bordertown, is heading straight to video.
10. Kelly Rowland’s backbone.
11. The sick freak that had sex with a dead corpse.
12. The horror movie starring Omarion and Marques Houston.
13. Hip Hop Harry.
14. Being a part of Keyshia Cole’s family.
15. Being on Murder Inc’s roster.
16. Nicole Schwhatshername’s solo career.
18. The idea of even more reality TV shows.
19. Fergie’s face before Adobe works its magic. (Sorry Fergie Ferg, but meth bitch slapped you something terrible)
20. The boy who started the fires in So.Cal.
21. T.I.’s fate.
22. B.G.’s rap career.
23. Suge Knight.
24. The workload of Flavor Flav’s dentist.
25. Jessica Alba’s film career.
26. A Giuliani administration.
27. Becoming Michael Jackson’s accountant.
28. Working as Lauren London’s acting coach.
29. The mind of George Bush.
30. Pissing off Monica.
31. Karrine Steffans’ gynecologist.
32. The Houston Texans’ record.
33. Riding shotgun with Brandy.
34. Beyonce’s speech coach.
35. Pimp C when he’s high.
“Thriller” may have scared me as a toddler, but the video for “Blood on the Dance Floor” is far scarier.