Karrine and Baby Better Watch Their Man

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone

Looks like all of you bug collectors in lust with Lil’ Wayne (eww) have a new person to spew venom at besides Lauren London (allegedly) and his secret boyfriend Baby. Judging from this new interview ecstasy’s poster child gave to OC Weekly, Wayne has made a new friend.

On a mission to garner himself more mainstream appeal (good luck with that one), the Suessville (by way of New Orleans) bred rapper has decided to add High School Musical star Zac Efron to his ever growing list of collaborators and possible conquests.

Though some might question why Wayne would go this far to spread his name, Wayne doesn’t seem to be concerned.

“I’m just being me,” Wayne insists, leading a tour of his recently purchased oceanfront house, which features a faux-bronze statue of his own nude figure, and a Juicy Fruit-dispensing bathroom attendant who lives on the premises full-time.

Make my day and explain the need for a fake bronze statue of your dick and 24-hour candy girl to me in dummy with money terms.

The rhyming drug addict also shared details on how this unlikely collaboration came about:

“Zac and me was both in San Francisco a few months ago for a comic book convention or something, and we met at an afterparty at some bar,” he says, pausing to break down pieces of pungent pot to roll into a joint. “To get away from these girls that was chasing him, he ducked into the bathroom and I followed him in there. I was like, ‘What’s crackin’, my brother from another mother?’”

A comic book convention? Is that what we’re calling gay bars now? From what I hear about him, I’m sure Zac Effron ran away from those girls as fast as humanly possible. Interesting Wayne couldn’t fight the urge to follow him into a bathroom. Senator Craig would be proud.

Oh, the writer mentions the songs, too:

I wish I could share his enthusiasm, but the songs are a bit jarring, to say the least. On “All for One,” Efron sings the chorus—“Everybody all for one, a real summer has just begun! Let’s rock and roll and just let go, feel the rhythm of the drums. We’re gonna have fun in the sun!”—while Wayne raps: “I’m a dog, you’re all a bunch of fleas on my dick. Driving a Jag, er, like my name was Mick. I’m so sour like cream with chives, and my sperm will make your face break out in hives.”

I’m sure parents can’t wait to hear their children repeat lines about funky spunk.

If Wayne hasn’t lost you already:

“What’s up, my nigga?” Efron says, giving Wayne a pound, a hug, and then, to my astonishment, a full-on kiss, reminiscent of the one Wayne famously gave his surrogate father Baby last year.

Shocker Wayne’s stupidity dictates he be cool with Efron calling him that. Sigh. As for the kiss: Didn’t he say when he kissed Baby, that it’s similar to a child kissing his father? Maybe Zac calls Wayne daddy?

(Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation.)

He can put in all the hard work he wants and I doubt he’ll ever be as hard as he is with Wayne.

Now, as for you Wayne, fans: Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Edit: I had a feeling the article was Onion-like, but I don’t like Wayne, so I wanted to pop shit anyway. But, the homie, Jason, pointed out the article was indeed a spoof. Damn. That’s ten minutes of my life I’ll never get back. Blah. Pretend the article is real and laugh anyway. Thanks.

But to be fair, I’ll say something nice about Wayne: I like “Duffle Bag Boy.” There. I said it.

Share on FacebookTweet about this on TwitterShare on Google+Email this to someone