A few months ago, I Pon de Challenge and took a hater break on Rihanna after being told it was impossible for me to give her a compliment. I think I did well.
Now I’ve been called to pay Chris Brown that same courtesy. Despite the insinuation, I do not hate Chris Brown. Sure, I’ve said he sings like his balls don’t hang, and yes, maybe I’ve laughed at the names Crust and Piss Brown a few times, but I do not hate him. I like a couple of his songs, and he seems like a really hard worker and genuinely nice person. We all should give Chris a little shine. Here are some reasons why:
Children with ADD Now Have a Hero
Instead of wasting money on putting hyperactive kids on Ritalin, people ought to now consider buying ProTools and signing them up for dance classes instead.
He’s My Brother in Big Teethdom
I can’t hate a man who, like me, smiles as if he’s kin to Bugs Bunny. Fellow munchies: We have to stick together. He, along with Monica, Julia Roberts, and Kanye West, continue to motive me so that I can one day use my two front munchers to take a big ass bite out of the game.
Your Younger Kinfolk Might Kick You in the Shin
My niece informed me that she dump Bow Wow because of his attitude in favor of Chris Brown. I think most young girls her age, along with their mothers, aunts, and a couple of their cousins and uncles would all co-sign her. Only thing is people my niece’s age are still short enough to bite and/or drop kick you in the knee caps. Ya’ll better hold the hate down. These chirren don’t play these days.
For far too long Usher has been able to coast on being able to successfully out Michael Jackson his competition. Now that he’s married with child, and steadily getting older, he has to step his game up or he’ll be covering AARP magazine a bit sooner than expected. This is akin to Michael listening to Control and saying to himself, “Oh she wants to compete, does she? Well shamon then, little Damita, shamon.”
Note: Ya’ll decide which one is Janet and Michael among yourselves.
He’s An Undiscovered Genius
You’ve never seen the words, “Directed by Chris Stokes” or “Executive Produced by Chris Stokes” under his name, have you?
Back in middle school, there was a magnet program that offered concentration in dance, life sports, and gymnastics. Unfortunately, life sports was full, so my then chubby self was left with gymnastics. At the time, the only thing I can really flip around was my stomach, so outside of mastering the art of the forward and backward rolls, I didn’t excel in gymnastics. Because of that, I appreciate anyone who can backflip that well and that often. He could probably get the gold in Beijing easy. He’s like the Dominique Dawes of R&B.
Now tell me you can’t turn on “Kiss, Kiss” and that doesn’t look like one of his performances?
Chris Is Tall People’s Savior
Some people think he’s too lanky to be slinging around like Gumby on stage, but as someone over six feet, I’m happy that Chris is actively trying to right the wrongs of Shaq.
That ain’t right. Shaq’s too big to do anything in the club but order the drink or push people out. Thank you, Chris. I million times thank you.
I know some of you still doubt my sincerity, but if it helps, “Winner” is my song. I’m almost certain once he stops arranging his vocals like every song is a tribute to Al B. Sure! he will only get better.