I’m Not Ashamed

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I like to think I have an eclectic taste in music, but I’ve come across a number of people who seem to put me in a box. Apparently I seem like the type that listens to Coltrane all day. I discovered Coltrane a couple of years ago through a friend, and while it’s good for calming the mind, I can’t twirk to that, so I have to maintain other interests. Most people accept that my taste is all over the place, though there are still a number of songs that everyone gives me the screw face for enjoying. After I share a few of those with you, gon’ head and list a few of your own. Don’t be scared!

I already know what most of you are thinking, and let me just say, ya’ll need to quit hating. Though it may not be enough to convince me to hop on his campaign to replace the Constitution with the Ten Commandments and to teach the children of the nation that the world is flat, I must say Mike Huckabee securing Chuck Norris as a key endorser was a bit tempting to join his Flintstones fray.

When I told someone that this was one of my favorite songs, she looked at me as if I said Michael Jackson danced like a paraplegic. So maybe no one bought the gangsta image Hammer was trying to push, but so what? You didn’t have the urge to do the butterfly while watching the video? Not even a little bit? I don’t care what people say, it could be worse, I could like this:

I rest my case.

On this I will concede that I deserve your ridicule, but let me just say, I think I was ten when this song came out. Go ahead and laugh. Get it out of your system.

This is the type of song sang by women who like to poke holes in condoms, so no wonder why t was called the gold diggers national anthem. I really can’t stand materialistic people that base attraction on personal wealth, clothing, and other incidentals. True love should be based on something more solid: how pretty they are. Anyway, maybe it’s just because they sound so good singing this cluckery that I pretend this song isn’t what it really is. Speaking of chickens, I wouldn’t be surprised if you found out one of the members now works at your local KFC.

I know I’m not supposed to like this song because at the time, everyone swore Nasir knew better, but what can you do? It’s not like anything on Illmatic, but it’s catchy. If you’re wondering, yes, I know I’m wrong.

Maybe the topic of masturbation wasn’t the best way to push a possible solo career, but I enjoyed T-Bone’s solo endeavor. I was looking forward to the female Tone Loc getting a solo album. The remix was hot, too. Shame on everyone that didn’t support this song: Dreamkillers.

That jump off. Jinkies!

LaToya Jackson: “Just Wanna Dance”

LaToya sings and dances like her throat, arms, and legs are all trying to run away from her, but this is one of those songs you turn on when you’re feeling down. It’s that perfect mixture of hilarity and awfulness that makes you realize that no matter how bad things get, it could be worse: you could be LaToya Jackson’s music career. By the way: Notice LaToya and Janet share a love for the phrase “big backdoor.”

How can anyone not bump this? I’m going to have this played at my funeral along with “Roni,” “Get It Ready Ready (where are the bounce fans?),” and a Jodeci song to be determined. Can someone get this screwed and chopped for me?

Oh, stop. The bridge is nice.

Player’s Circle featuring Lil Wayne: “Duffle Bag Boy”

I’m not a Weezy Pops E to F Baby fan, but I like the song and only because of the hook – which he is responsible for. Sidenote: Someone should tell him to take his own advice, y’know with his Bentley being in prison and all.

Cassie: “Me & U”

She has about as much natural musical talent as a person that’s been dead for twenty years, but the song is so finely crafted not even a gorgeous yet borderline tone deaf model could ruin it.

I really hope no one holds this entry against on all future album reviews I pen. For anyone that does:

Bah.

Oh yeah, shout out to Della Reese for the “Touched By An Angel” theme song and Oprah, for “Run On, Run On.” My iPod is waiting for both.

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