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No, it’s not really April 12 yet, but it’s post-dated for a reason: I’ll probably be ‘under the weather’ to focus on posting over the weekend.

‘Tis my birthday, ya’ll. I am turning…old enough. I graduated from high school in 2002. Get it, math whizzes.

I honestly haven’t really thought much about my birthday for different reasons, but that doesn’t mean you still can’t get me a gift.

I would love the following:

1. A book deal; a good, non-racist pigeonholing one, preferably.

2. A deal for a TV show. Writing is my passion, but how many people read anymore? I gots to be a star-ah, ya’ll.

3. Opportunities to expand the brand. This means you editors, lit agents, book agents, development executives. Give me work. Put me down. I know somebody knows somebody that knows somebody else that’s cousins with somebody that can make sure I don’t end up a nobody.

4. World peace. Yes, I care.

5. New albums from D’Angelo and Lauryn Hill. A man can dream, can’t he?

6. For Barack Obama to win the Pennsylvania primary. So this might not be doable, but if can he at least come within five points of Hillary and then crush her in Indiana and North Carolina, I’ll be good.

7. For Janet Jackson to find Rene and Tina and get them to save her from herself. I still want to root for her. I promise I do.

8. To meet Beyonce. I’ve met all the members of Destiny’s Child that I didn’t really want to (but they were nice), and so many other people I know have met Beyonce. Even the ungrateful ones that claim to dislike her. I want to break wings and biscuits with her.

9. Lock Plies and Soulja Boy in a room with an English teacher. The trend of speaking like slaves must die and it needs martyrs.

10. A few other things, but I have to keep some things to myself. Focus on 1-3 the most, though. I mean, I’m working on it, too, but y’know, if you’re able to lend a hand stretch it out. #4 if you can.

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