Lock This Fool Up Already

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Remember when R. Kelly made good music? I believe 56k modems were still what the bidness was.

I would expect a song like this from a mentally retarded 10th grader inspired by the Pretty Ricky’s and Soulja Boy’s of the world. But not someone, who despite being an admitted functioning illiterate with a well documented urinary tract deficiency problem, is a talented musician. Or so I thought. This has got to be one of the stupidest, simplest, poorly written and “sang” songs I’ve heard in a long time — and I listened to the radio for a few minutes last night. Having said that, I imagine looking at many an idiot with this bullshit as their ringtone for months to come. Seriously, though: Hairbraider? Hairbraider?! What’s next? Biscuit Baker? Sexy Waiter? Chick That Sold Me Gators?

Make it stop. Please. I swear a baby who just learned his first word could make a hit song so long as he or she uses a vocoder.

I hate R. Kelly, and I’m pretty sure I’m close to hating anyone that keeps letting his old ass hang out at both the club and McDonalds Playland. Can someone please lock him out of his Jungle Jim themed studio so he can stop making songs like this?


Damn.

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