Interviewing Tips

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By now I’m sure you’ve read the excerpt of the recent interview Lil’ Nyquil gave to Blender magazine. If you haven’t, see below, because Baby’s baby mama really tried his hardest to sound enlightened.

What drug will you never do again?

I don’t do too many; I just smoke weed and drink sip. But I’ll never fcuk with no more coke. It’s not about a bad high, it’s just about the acne: Cocaine makes your face break out, and I’m a pretty boy.

Who do you want to take the White House?

Barack, I guess, but I can’t make a real opinion. I ain’t watching no debates. I just want my people to understand that Hillary and Barack are not running for president–they running to be able to run for president. There’s a Republican party, too–we ain’t about to win, fool! A woman or a black man versus an old white dude? Fcuk no! They gonna be like, This black-ass nigga trying to come in my Oval Office? Fcuuuuuk no. The world about to end in 2012 anyway. ‘Cause the Mayans made calendars, and they stop at 2012. I got encyclopedias on the bus. The world is gonna end as we know it. You can see it already. A planet doesn’t exist: There’s no more Pluto. Planes are flying into buildings–and not just the Twin Towers, but dudes who play baseball are flying planes into buildings. Mosquitoes bite you and you die. And a black man and a woman are running for president!

Doesn’t he sound like one of those fools that picks up a library card and suddenly thinks they’re the smartest person alive because they read three pages out of the encyclopedia and signed up for ‘Word of the Day?’

And who told that fool that he’s a pretty boy? I think every pretty boy on Earth threw up in their mouths a little after reading that.

Anyway, while I know there are a number of rappers that you can hold intelligent conversations with, if their name starts with Lil’, Young/Yung, Big, or end with Boy, chances are they’re not one of them.

So, let’s start working on a certain set of questions more appropriate for the likes of Lil’ Wayne.

1. What goes better with a wing dinner and/or fish plate?

A. St. Ides

B. Olde English

C. MD 2020

D. All of the above, plus a blunt.

2. When is the last time you’ve been burned by a groupie?

3. Don’t you wish they really made get out of jail free cards?

4. Who all do you want to smash?

5. Rank them based on importance: P*ssy, weed, alcohol.

6. Do you lease or own your jewelry?

7. What’s all that in your grill: Gold, platinum, and leftover sesame seeds?

8. If I put diamonds on these tap dancing shoes, would you wear them to go with your act?

9. If I sprayed a can of RAID, would you run?

10. What does “Bust It Baby” mean to you?

Bonus: What’s the best high for a kid?

A. Wite-Out.
B. Elmer’s Glue.
C. Hairspray
D. Mama’s stash?

Much better. Save the election questions for the non-basehead faction of rap.

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