Casting Call

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Blog reader Nailah sent this to me, and it put the biggest smile on my face. One, because it’s funny, and two, it’s proof that there are indeed people just as ign’t as I am. Smile.

Now that we have an application drafted, it’s time I launch a casting call for my looming video for “Flat Foot Hoes.”

Keep in mind:

1. If you have any self-respect, don’t bother showing up. There will be no tears on my set.

2. Must be comfortable in stilettos. I’m talking working out on the treadmill like Mariah Carey comfortable. The more stripper-like your go get ‘em girl heels are, the better.

3. If you’re flat, step back. That is, unless I can get a medical assistant to illegally inject you the day of the shoot.

4. Remember that real hair is a privilege, not a right. Therefore, the longer the weave, the longer your spotlight in the video is. Keep in mind, I don’t cut for that cheap hair. If you got your hair, food, and gas at the same place, you won’t be in the video. Maybe the remix.

5. Try to look less Black. Yeah, this ain’t no Jill Scott video. Try using tape to make your eyes appear slanted, or using a Sharpie to add a few dots here and there. Whatever works, because ya’ll know regular Black girls can only get you so far. If you’re not really mixed, lie and say you are. I doubt I’ll notice the difference anyway.

6. Must be able to do any dance on cue. I’m liable to make up at least three dances in between takes.

For example: If I say jump rope and bounce your left titty at the same time, just go with it. It will catch it so long as the beat is hot. Trust me.

7. Be able to drop and give ‘em 50 more. We have to show folks out.

8. If you can’t really dance, just bend over. Same difference, right?

9. Keep in mind that clothes are for suckas.

10. Must enjoy liquor being poured all over you. Yes, even that cheap shit. We’re on a budget.

If you meet the requirements, don’t forget to leave a comment. I’ll be shooting this with my digital camera.

The Young Sinick movement continues.

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