Spoilers

A lot of Hillary Clinton supporters are behaving like spoiled brats with false senses of entitlement. As the media continues to give them the spotlight they don’t deserve, most of these pundits are conveniently dancing around the real reason why many of these white women will not vote for Barack Obama: He’s Black.

That notion has been routinely dismissed, but just because a few Black faces appear on national television to co-sign the Utopian view that this country is far too advanced for race to be anything other than a nominal issue these days doesn’t make it any less true. It only means those Black people who argue otherwise need to buy a clue.

Why else would they support a man who is about as attentive to women’s issues as George W. Bush was to the people of New Orleans three years ago? It’s because he’s Black, he took what was perceived to be Hillary’s nomination, and they’re embittered thinking this was their one and only legitimate shot at seeing a woman becoming President in their lifetime.

So since they can’t have it their way, many of these women are looking to play the role of spoiler. That is so typical. Nevermind that Roe v. Wade may be overtuned, their children may ultimately be drafted should a President McCain get his shot at taking on both Tehran and Moscow, and that our economy will continue to decline — some uppity Negroe had the gall not to wait his turn.

While Gloria Steinem may have distanced herself from previous comments that gender is a much more limiting force in this country than race, the likes of Katie Couric are keeping the issue alive in the media — feeding these women convenient theories for them that don’t match up with history.

Looking at this woman go on about experience is such a joke. Barack Obama had far more experience as an elected official than Hillary Clinton and her being married to a former governor and two-term president didn’t make her more experienced no matter how hard her spinsters tried to convince me otherwise. I respect Hillary’s intelligence and bravado, but she ran an arrogant campaign based on a fallacy.

When she announced her nomination, she sat on her couch as if she were waiting for Princess Diana’s tiara to arrive and the fat dude from Coming To America to sing her “Queen To Be” at her coronation — she had it coming.

But to these women, she is a victim. How nice it must be to live in a bubble of privilege.

If some of these women were real feminists, Hillary Clinton would not be their only hope. They could look to so many other women who serve in the Senate or as governor and achieved that feat without the convenience of their husband’s last name. Moreover, is misogyny in the media were such an important issue, there would be a public outcry over much of the criticism hurled at Michelle Obama.

If John McCain wins, this country deserves what it gets.

Jury Duty

That video is dedicated to everyone responsible for me having to finally go to jury duty on Friday. Once a friend told me that her sister opted not to register to vote because she said she didn’t want to go to jury duty. When she told me that, I thought that was the most trifling rationale to use. I still think it’s trifling, but the second I walked into that big boring room I envied the life of an illegal immigrant.

Sitting in a room for three hours waiting for a juror instructional video in Vietnamese is not the way to spend a day. I spent most of that time saying silent prayers that I will get out of this over-air conditioned room and back home by noon. No such luck. They needed everyone that day. This is what I get for dodging a summons since January. What? Don’t judge me.

On the way to the courtroom the bailiff instructed us to be “enthusiastic” once the judge addresses us. He told us she liked cheering. My first reaction was, “The hell? What is she a cheerleader for Team Justice?” And once we got in the courtroom, she definitely told us she needed more enthusiasm. I’m sure with her salary she can afford to be cheerful. Six dollars for a day’s worth of boring doesn’t make me smile, though.

Once I was selected for a jury pool, I spent the rest of the day trying to figure out how to not be selected for this jury. I soon learned so was everyone else. The case I was in the jury pool for centered on two men who allegedly kicked, punched, and stabbed someone (or people, I’ve started to try and block this day out so details are becoming sketchy) during a robbery. For a minute, because they were both young, I thought they were going to try and pick me.

Thankfully, when the judge asked if anyone would object to giving them probation should they be convicted, I saw my way out. I rose my hand to say considering the crime and my own personal experiences, I couldn’t serve in a trial where probation was an option.

Finally, getting jacked at gunpoint has provided a positive!

Soon everyone else followed with their own excuses as to why their names should be crossed off the list and be left the hell alone. My favorite jury dodger was the girl who objected to everything the judge, the DA, and the defense attorneys said. I think her name was Aura, or something made up like that.

She said based on what happened to her auntie she hates cops, the justice system, and vowed that she would never convict anyone. Once one of the defense attorneys got to her, she added that when it comes to justice, she leaves everything to God. Genius. I bet she made a list of things to say before she came.

The unprepared people who can’t think on their feet weren’t as lucky. Most of them, with their dumb ass questions and comments and kept prolonging the process. I didn’t end up leaving until after 2. I arrived at 8:00 a.m.

1 in 4 people in my city are foreign born. You couldn’t tell by the jury pool I was in. Some jury of your peers. At the end they asked if any of us wanted to donate all or a portion of our huge $6.00 check to charity. I think I and someone else were the only 2 out of 65 to do such a thing.

I so wanted to yell, “You cheap rich bastards, ya’ll should all be donating your checks to me because I know ya’ll got money,” but it wasn’t worth it. I was just happy to not have to look at any of those people ever again in my entire life.

OK, so I won’t completely bore you, here are a couple of observations:

1. People still wear mullets. I see it sometimes on TV or film as a joke, but normal people actually still walk around looking like 1982. It’s sad.

2. And the jheri curl, damn, why won’t you die? This poor woman I saw – I bet her couch hates her.

3. I feel really sorry for all of the women walking around with about as much hair as a My Little Pony doll trying to rock a ponytail.

4. One of the defense attorneys was one of the hairiest, freckled-face blondes I had ever seen in my life. His eyelashes looked like they needed a comb. I started to ask him where Dorothy and the Oz crew were.

5. An Alabama accent seems harder to shake than a herpes outbreak.

And if nothing else now I know that in the future, should I get a jury summons I may want to check off ‘student’ to get an exemption. I can tell myself I’m a student of life. That or bring some kids like one woman who purposely showed up two hours late.

Gutta Love…In Video Form

Back in May I blogged about “Gutta Bitch,” one of those lovey dovey sentimental songs that make you feel all warm and snuggly inside. Well, I should have known it wouldn’t take long for the song to get a video and go nationwide.

Dallas: You brought the world (or at least as high as D.C.) “My Dougie” and a few places outside of your area code the “Rack Daddy.” And now, pigeons everywhere have a new anthem in “Gutta Bitch.” Bawk, bawk birds — D-Town made this one is for you.

I don’t know about ya’ll, but after watching this video, I want to throw a book at Trai’d and a box of self-esteem at his gutta bitch.

Official Girl


Cassie’s back.

Before I dig in (anymore), let’s go for the positives of the video:

1. They used a professional camera. That’s always a good thing.
2. Hmm, she looks pretty.
3. She’s well dressed.
4. She’s pretty and well dressed.
5. It looks like she’s been boom kacking with Laurie Ann. She doesn’t look stiffer than R. Kelly at a Girl Scouts meeting the way she used to.
6. Have I mentioned how pretty she looks?

Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way can I just say this video and song are really underwhelming. I might not be Cassie’s biggest fan, but she seems like a nice person who means well and to be fair, she has her share of nice tracks.

Like “Me & U.” Tell me that was not a charming ode to giving head. “Official Girl” is no “Me & U,” though. Speaking of official girls, what’s up with Cassie looking like an off brand Aaliyah the few seconds she’s not two stepping her bra and panties?

It’s times like these I wish ghosts could fight, because the spirit of Aaliyah needs to swoop down and dropkick that tone deaf broad for swagger jacking her look.

Try again, Cassie.

Give Him The Night Light

To say Teddy Ruxpin John Legend is boring is like saying Michael Jackson is only a little pale. How can you look like you’re overdue for an afternoon nap during a party scene? Or better yet, why do I think people that have been dead for five years probably have more energy in them right now than John Legend has in this video?

Thank God for Andre 3000 for pumping a little life into this video. If I didn’t know any better, based on energy levels, I’d say Andre 3000 was John Legend’s grandson. If he’s not John Legend’s grandson, he must be kin to Sammy Davis Jr. because dammit if Dre doesn’t look like one of his impersonators.

While I do like the song a lot, it seems as if John Legend is going for a sound that probably won’t work for him sales wise. This is someone who quietly moved a million units of his sophomore album without any major radio hit. Yet he comes back with a single that’s clearly intended to push him more as a commercial artist.

Here’s a thought: For all of those R&B acts pinning for a pop hit, most of them don’t sell any albums.

Why do so many people break the winning formula?

By the way: I noticed John Legend trimmed down on the facial hair. I guess his model girlfriend makes for a better beard.

Boom Boom Plaque


As you know, I love Laurie Ann like a drunk auntie at Christmas, but even she in all of her greatness are not privileged enough to have a “F-ck Crest” attitude. Here she is at the party for the premiere of Making The Band 94 last night. Is it me or was the premiere really boring? It seemed more scripted than usual, and Auntie Boom Plaque was extra even by her standards. That scene between her and Puff Puff Diddy was nauseating. Hopefully she finds a toothbrush, the men of Day 26 find some charisma, and the cameraman finds Danity Kane in future episodes. This picture is the most interesting part of the season thus far.

Sho’Nuff Dead

The Last Dragon is a cinematic masterpiece no matter what you, the critics, or my mama and ‘nem say. It’s one of my favorite movies ever and I can’t believe Sho’Nuff is gone. It’s not like I knew where he’s been since 1985, but news of his death makes me sad all the same.

Rest in peace to the baddest mofo low down around this town.

Down and Out

I don’t want to unleash a lengthy diatribe about this, but I came across an article entitled “We Down with GOP” that I had to touch on. While I concede that the Democratic party takes Black people for granted, and agree that it’s important to show that we are not a monolith, I’m still typically annoyed by most Black Republicans. I don’t completely dislike them all, but there’s a certain breed of them that really want me to push for a racial draft.

I can’t help but think a lot of Black Republicans (typically those of my age group) are nothing more than attention whoring enthusiasts who tilt to the right because they realize in cases such as these, contrariety can do wonders for one’s profile. This article reminds me of that.

The author is trying to explain the difference between a Black Republican and a Hip Hop Republican. I don’t see any real difference between the two based on what he’s saying. Both seem to be selling the same thing only they may differ on the cultural references they interject into their talking points.

Speaking of references, in the article the author quotes lyrics from It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back. It’s interesting to find the author would even cite any rhymes from that era (and that album) considering a lot of the music that came from that time was a reflection of the policies of Ronald Reagan and the first George Bush. I don’t recall Black people prospering under their administrations, do you?

The entire article comes across as pandering and after reading it and the Hip Hop Republican website I can’t help but look at all of this as a joke.

I don’t see how “Hip Hop Republicans” (whatever that means) is a movement on the rise, and despite claims that the terms aren’t oxymoronic, the author failed to point out just what Republicans and hip-hop have in common.

It took me a second, but I found some commonalities between the two. Republicans hate gays, women, and Black people. The same can be said about most mainstream hip-hop.

Outside of that, I got nothing and apparently neither does he.

Read it for yourself here.

Maybe you can explain it to me, because after reading that all I want to do is be their Suge Knight and bitch slap somebody.

Mama Mia

Earlier today I heard “Make ‘Em Say Uhh” on the radio. I should have taken it as a sign, because while I was preppin’ for a No Limit tribute themed post in lieu of hearing that song, a wonderful person shared a video of Mia X with me hours later. Forget that post – I’m all about talking about the biggest mama Mia now.

I used to love Mia X. I remember back in 9th grade when I exchanged Christmas gifts with some of my friends, besides getting The Player’s Club on tape (thank you, Crystal – wherever you are), a girl named Tyrica bought me Mia X’s Unlady Like.

Outside of a random appearance on the bonus disc of Monica’s After The Storm, I haven’t seen or heard from Mia X in years, which is a shame, because Mia X was a solid female emcee. If you’re a fan of bird anthems like me, check for Mia’s remake of Salt ‘n Pepa’s “I’ll Take Ya Man.” If only the industry were different or Mia would have caught a stomach flu, who knows how things may have turned out for her.

Anyway, watch this video. It is hilarious. I love how seriously she took that rap to “You Know I’m No Good.” You would have thought she was getting paid for that.

And I love the way she explains her computer literacy: “I type slow. All this computer shit. I’m from the old school. Everything is all y’know press and click and paste…I be confused.”

At least she’s being honest unlike some of these other fake celebrity bloggers.

I should put her in touch with my mama, though. She sends me text messages all the time, and last year, she had “Runaway Love” as her ringtone. She’s old school and she got it, Mia. You can get it, too.

At the end of the video, she drops the link to her MySpace. GO! Now. I mean, don’t leave my page — open another tab and visit.

Forget Khia: Mia X has the best celebrity blog on the internet.

While Khia’s ranting about Janet, JD, and Trina, Mama Mia offers much more engaging subject matter with topics like “I Am Not 48 with 6 Kids” and “So What The Hell Do You Do?”

There’s also posts about her breast cancer scare (“The Lump.” ) and troubles with diabetes (“What’s Fat?”).

Based on reading some of her entries I’ve already added “son of a cock biter” to my lexicon.

Plus, if you’re a fan like me, you’re going to want to add her as a friend and help her solve problems like:

NEED YALL ADVICE ABOUT SOMETHING.MY FRIENDS COUSIN MARRIED THIS GUY LAST YEAR
THEY HAVE A NEW BABY AND A NEW HOME ALL SEEMS PICTURE PERFECT UNTIL BEDTIME SHE
GOES ON TO SAY THAT HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO FUCK HER IN THE ASS EVERYTIME THEY DO
IT AND WHEN SHE TELLS HIM HELL NO HE DOES THE OLE IM SORRY WAS IT THAT HOLE AND
LAUGHS. SHE SAID THAT THEIR SEX LIFE WAS ALWAYS GOOD BUT RECENTLY IT HASNT BEEN
GOING DOWN BUT MAYBE TWICE A MONTH AND WHEN IT DOES HE ALWAYS WANTS HER FROM
BEHIND. ME PERSONALLY IM NEVER MAD AT DOGGYSTLYE BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND THE NEED
TO LOOK INTO EACH OTHERS EYES WHILE TALKING EITHER THAT DIRTY OR LOVEY DOVEY
SHIT THE KISSING AND THE WHOLE NINE SO I CAN RESPECT HER FOR WANTING ALL
OF THAT TO.

Now she says this is her “friend,” but you know how that goes. Look at one of the comments she leaves in the entry:

Thank you but she is very well put together and requires minimal beauty tips sista is BAD she doesnt mind sex head and whatever she is just not down with letting him fuck her in the ass and thats his intentions i know she loves her husband but she doesnt want him in the brown round

Sounds like this “friend” don’t care if the party don’t stop.

Speaking of friends, Mia spoke on of hers:

ONE OF MY FRIENDS SAID I SHOULD CHANGE MY PROFILE PIC BECAUSE HE DETECTED
FAINT HAIRS ABOVE MY LIP. I SAID MAYBE I GOT IT FROM MY DADDY.

How can you not love her?

She also targets hating ass bloggers, so before anyone suggests otherwise, I am not clowning Mia X. Trust me: I am being entertained.

I’m trying to help her get a little more shine.

With that said, go add her as your friend. I want her to get a reality show. I love you, Mia!

Why Are You Rich?

I can’t really tell if he’s poking fun at himself or people with degrees, but it’s videos like these that make me wonder why didn’t I skip English class and use that time to play with a Casio player. Thank God we have a number of other programs that are centered on making us all lust after wealth, otherwise poverty would start to look good by comparison.

This dude blows his noise with $100 bills. I don’t know if I want to cry or grab a bottle of Lysol in response to that. Speaking of crying, I initially thought to after watching this video in full. Then I realized with financial tips like that, I wouldn’t be surprised if Soulja Boy is getting supersoaked in a back ally for spare change on Gaybird Street in ten years.

Now I feel better.