The Island: Part 1

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A friend of mine always talks about a plan to send trifling Black people to The Island — some remote place far, far away where embarrassing coloreds are free to coon for a coconut out of the watchful eye of civilization.

I think it’s about time we get this plan going.

We can start with him. I don’t mind Black Republicans in theory. I think we should all be grateful that Black people are getting more opportunities to be just as wrong as white people.

But, there are two types of Black Republicans. One group consists of the people who actually are conservative. That group honestly believes that John McCain will make this country better. While that idea is as senile as McCain is old, their support is sincere so I guess they can stay.

Now the other set consists of the likes of James T. Harris. These people say they’re conservatives, but they’re opportunists first and foremost. As your stomach turns at the sight of James T. (the ‘T’ might stand for Trapped on McCain’s nuts) Harris gaze into McCain’s eyes and beg him passionately to attack Obama, remind yourself that this Negro is trying to be put on.

Harris types know that in the media, if any member of an oppressed group (be it based on ethnicity, gender, or sexual orientation), appears on-air and plays the role of contrarian that they’re likely to gain a lot of exposure and thus more $$$.

When he compares Obama supporters to Hitler youth on his blog, and kisses up to McCain when the cameras are on, he’s motivated by self-interest.

He and others like him must go.

When did Elmo die?

Whenever I’m riding with the kinfolk that’s a detention officer, he points out random kids and says, “They gon’ be at my job.” Normally, I say you don’t know that, but looking at this video I’m thinking this lil’ boy will be at his job.

If your two-year-old can recite Shawty Lo lyrics before their ABCs, you’re setting that kid up for a life that includes developing a fear of dropping soap bars.

Over the weekend I spent two minutes of my life trying to figure out what the hell this was. I would compare this show to Sambo, but Sambo deserves better.

On the show’s site the creator says:

“I care about the way Blacks are depicted just as much as the next man and I want to change all of that. The only difference is… I’m not trying to do that on a television show, I’m trying to do it through a television show … a show that’s smart, clever, has edgy humor and deals with relevant issues that are going on in our society. I hope you enjoy. Thank you.”

I saw a stupid dude say an ultrasound photo proves the child isn’t his because the baby looked lightskinned. Another scene featured a group of people playing a game of strip seance.

BYE!


He may talk like the last slave standing, but Plies can read. Goons don’t start scholarship funds, nor do they break character and enuciate in interviews. Aren’t you tired of frauds like him and Officer Ross.

At this rate he’ll be exploiting that porn of him banging Rent-A-Ass until he’s 75. Can we at least ship his dick to the island?

I don’t want to hear her talk about Jay-Z anymore. Not to mention Jesus will be back on Earth doing the Stanky Leg before she ever drops another album, so bon voyage boogie. It should be good for her; she stays fronting like she’s from an island anyway.

A man who lately walks around like he’s been looking like he’s been hit by a smooth criminal is calling someone else out on being unoriginal. If that weren’t enough, not only does he need glasses, he needs a hearing aid because all of his songs sound the same to me.

Also, bragging about having sex at 9 with a 15-year-old ain’t hot; it’s a felony.

Sidenote: I’m surprised he could even tell Chris Brown was musty because he always seems to be up his ass. This isn’t the first time he’s mentioned Chris Brown. Does he owe you a check or something?

Barack Obama’s candidacy proves that this country as a whole has made incredible strides in terms of race relations. Barack Obama’s candidacy also proves that the success of The Cosby Show and Mariah Carey have given many people a false sense of reality. When I hear Black people kirk out over the sentiment that racism is still around, I get annoyed. Even worse is talking to Black people who seem uncomfortable around other Black people. I bet if you put the put people like that on an island full of Black people the truth will backhand them.

Alright. That’s the first list for now. More on the way. Feel free to leave your suggestions to the list in the comments.

Oh and my white friends, I got ya’ll, too. I’ll be creating a list of white people who need to be sent to the desert soon enough.

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