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Watching the three presidential debates will teach you one important lessons: Assholes should take acting classes prior to appearing before the nation. Regardless of whether you slept through the first debate, flipped back-and-forth during the second and third debates, or like me watched all three of the sleep-inducing debates in their entirety, you can probably spot out the obvious: John McCain can’t stand Barack Obama.

Not only does McCain not respect Obama, he likely believes he’s beneath him. That explains why the throughout each debate millions of smartasses waited for McCain to yell, “GET OFF MY LAWN, OBAMA!” I’m sure for John it was either channeling Mr. Wilson or lift his T-Rex-like arms to take a swing to convey his displeasure.

The most interesting thing about the debates was watching how many different ugly faces McCain made in response to whatever Barack was saying at the time. There was the “you look like you smell” face, the “I’m going to need some prunes later” face, and the more constant of the three — the “How in the hell did your ass get here?” face.

And when he wasn’t visibly grimacing Obama’s way – that is, after he finally started to acknowledge he was there in the second debate – he was being condescending as hell towards him.

As many times McCain uttered the phrase “He doesn’t understand,” one would think Barack Obama drooled when he spoke. Speaking of that, McCain obviously felt compelled to point out how “eloquent” Obama was. Essentially: “He says his words so fancy; too bad nann one of those words makes a lick of sense – tall bastard.”

Why didn’t he just flat out say, “Obama is a know-it-all who doesn’t know anything.” Then Mr. Cool, Calm, and Collective (or sedated) could have finally melted a little bit and point out what a befuddled old man McCain typically sounds like. Word to Joe the Plumber.

Granted, this last debate was the most substantive of the three, but if John McCain really hates Obama so much why didn’t he seize the opportunity to verbalize it more with him sitting there next to him?

That would have made for a much more engaging debate than watching John McCain show his ass repeatedly. You would think when Satan is besting you in favorability ratings and your poll numbers reminding people of artic temperatures one would try your best to appear more likable.

I guess not.

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