Rejoice & Be Glad

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Now that we have [finally] reached the end of this year’s historic presidential election, before we all start eating our wings and sipping on X-Rated as we wait for results to pour in, prior to getting giddy about what could be a great night for hope-enthusiasts, there are ten other reasons why you should be happy about the end of this campaign.

1. The Obama campaign can stop emailing you every other second for money.

I don’t knock the man’s hustle, and I’m so glad his campaign is that organized and persistent, but begging ass crackheads have nothing on the Obama campaign when it comes to asking for money. I’m surprised a volunteer didn’t break into my house and steal my DVD player for the cause.

2. No more Diddy political blogs.

I don’t know who told his ass that he could remix Tavis Smiley, but thankfully, the political musings of Puff Puff Diddy can go the way of Black Rob’s career.

Maybe now he focus on putting Danity Kane back together.

3. You no longer have to hear the same abbreviated sermon from Reverend Wright.

At one point I heard so much of his voice that I thought I owed Trinity Church tithes.

4. The name Hussein can go on vacation.

You would think the media was trying to perform a séance to ask Saddam where he put those weapons of mass destruction.

5. Keith Olbermann can calm down.

I love Keith Olbermann, but John McCain appearing on Saturday Night Live the Saturday before the election is not a Satanic ritual. If anything, the way things work in this country, it’s probably better for John McCain to crack jokes to ‘undecided’ voters (and committed attention whores) than talk about his policies.

Overanalyzing comedy is a sign of a case of the extras. Be easy, Keith.

P.S. Same for Rachel Maddow and her doomsday kicks. Put on “Exhale (Shoop Shoop)” and “Breathe and Stop” and let it marinate, fellow liberals.

6. Rudy Giuliani can go find a real job.

He reminds me of herpes. Just when you think he’s gone he pops back up. I cannot stand him, his lisp, or his snide remarks. Can someone Valtrex his irritating ass already? He sucks as a pundit…and a person.

7. Joe The Plumber Can Finally Fall Into the Drain

Fuck him. His non-existent plumber’s license. His would be career his as a country western singer. His unpublished manuscript. His dreams of becoming a Congressman. The agent that has him thinking he can achieve all of this in 15 minutes.

8. The words doggone on it, you betcha, and Alaska can begin early retirement.

OK, this is wishful thinking on my part, but I’m tired of Sarah Palin. Aren’t you?

9. I won’t blog about politics as much.

I know, I know: Politics is boring to most of ya’ll.

10. George W. Bush is [this much] closer to leaving office.

Let the divorce proceedings begin.

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