Wednesday, November 05, 2008
9:23 PM

Silent Tears

Before you go there, no Jesse Jackson is not crying because he now has to plan a farewell tour. If not for Jesse’s presidential bid spawning proportional allocation of delegates in the Democratic nomination process, a President Obama could not have been this soon, so there.

Moving on, honestly, I didn’t have any intentions of reiterating what everyone has been saying since the election was called for Obama. Then “Black President” came on my iPod at the gym; I knew I needed to chime in.

Like many, I am ecstatic that the skinny Black man that was cool, calm, and calculated in how he planned out his lofty goal for two years finally clinched what many naysayers said was undoable so soon. Eight years ago a then Illinois State Senator Barack Obama couldn’t score a ticket to the floor of the Democratic National Convention and couldn’t rent a car because his credit card was declined. Now he leads the Democratic Party and the nation. His ascension has instilled in me a belief that I can truly be anything I want to be if I pursue it enough vigorously. Barriers have been broken, and as a Black man, I feel proud.

Unfortunately, another part of me realizes that while one barrier has been broken, another has grown only stronger.

Earlier this year the California Supreme Court made what I thought was a significant judgment in the new fight for equality. And now, thanks the Mormon Church, a confusing ballot, and good old fashioned intolerance this nation has moved two steps forward, two steps back (“…we come together, because opposites attract”)

What bothers me most about Proposition 8’s victory is that Black support for the measure totaled 70%. I know a lot of people – particularly Black people – hate talking about gay issues. I’ve been ‘complimented’ a number of times by readers who ‘thank me’ for not doing it too often.

Well, if that bothers you that much, stop reading here.

—

Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, I can continue to speak my peace.

I find the irony in the Mormon Church – which is historically racist and notoriously pro-polygamist – pouring millions of dollars into California to defeat Proposition 8 in order to preserve the ‘sanctity of marriage.’ As you can tell by the drive-thru marriage chapels, the high divorce rate, and the tradition of practicing polygamy in the Mormon faith, marriage is a very sacred institution in America.

Them aside, I’m more disappointed in Black America. It doesn’t matter how much of the overall population they make in California, 70% of Blacks supported this. If not for Loving vs. Virginia there would be no Barack Obama, but I suppose that’s different because it doesn’t affect a lot of people personally.

I am not a Bible literalist, but even if I were I find points to scripture to justify support for this measure intriguing. Blacks can invoke stories like Sodom and Gomorrah yet conveniently glance over The Story of Ham and how it was twisted to justify slavery. That’s why it’s important to realize context, what words meant at the time (for example: abomination didn’t mean then what it does now), and everything else that would help a person better understand what they’re reading.

But none of the religious aspects of the debate even matter. This is a basic Civil Rights issue to me. It’s sad it’s not overall viewed as such.

The people of Arizona and Florida don’t agree with me. Neither does Arkansas now that unmarried couples of any orientation can adopt children there.

Thousands of children will linger in the adoption system because people want nuclear families for adoptees – yet no nuclear family steps up to the plate.

Alright, let me not sound like so much of a downer. Again, I am thrilled about Obama. I donated spare change a couple of times throughout the campaign and had Obama lost I would’ve turned to Cindy McCain to get a refund.

Barack has made history and I believe we all should be proud of that. However, for those of you who do care about true equality for all realize that one form of prejudice is seeking to take the place of another. We all have to make sure that doesn’t happen.

Thankfully, while some of yesterday’s decisions worry me, the biggest one gives me hope that it won’t.

P.S.


Yes we can!

No he didn’t.

Labels: politics as usual
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael Arceneaux at 9:23 PM | Comments
Monday, November 03, 2008
11:15 PM

Rejoice & Be Glad

Now that we have [finally] reached the end of this year’s historic presidential election, before we all start eating our wings and sipping on X-Rated as we wait for results to pour in, prior to getting giddy about what could be a great night for hope-enthusiasts, there are ten other reasons why you should be happy about the end of this campaign.

1. The Obama campaign can stop emailing you every other second for money.

I don’t knock the man’s hustle, and I’m so glad his campaign is that organized and persistent, but begging ass crackheads have nothing on the Obama campaign when it comes to asking for money. I’m surprised a volunteer didn’t break into my house and steal my DVD player for the cause.

2. No more Diddy political blogs.

I don’t know who told his ass that he could remix Tavis Smiley, but thankfully, the political musings of Puff Puff Diddy can go the way of Black Rob’s career.

Maybe now he focus on putting Danity Kane back together.

3. You no longer have to hear the same abbreviated sermon from Reverend Wright.

At one point I heard so much of his voice that I thought I owed Trinity Church tithes.

4. The name Hussein can go on vacation.

You would think the media was trying to perform a séance to ask Saddam where he put those weapons of mass destruction.

5. Keith Olbermann can calm down.

I love Keith Olbermann, but John McCain appearing on Saturday Night Live the Saturday before the election is not a Satanic ritual. If anything, the way things work in this country, it’s probably better for John McCain to crack jokes to ‘undecided’ voters (and committed attention whores) than talk about his policies.

Overanalyzing comedy is a sign of a case of the extras. Be easy, Keith.

P.S. Same for Rachel Maddow and her doomsday kicks. Put on “Exhale (Shoop Shoop)” and “Breathe and Stop” and let it marinate, fellow liberals.

6. Rudy Giuliani can go find a real job.

He reminds me of herpes. Just when you think he’s gone he pops back up. I cannot stand him, his lisp, or his snide remarks. Can someone Valtrex his irritating ass already? He sucks as a pundit…and a person.

7. Joe The Plumber Can Finally Fall Into the Drain

Fuck him. His non-existent plumber’s license. His would be career his as a country western singer. His unpublished manuscript. His dreams of becoming a Congressman. The agent that has him thinking he can achieve all of this in 15 minutes.

8. The words doggone on it, you betcha, and Alaska can begin early retirement.

OK, this is wishful thinking on my part, but I’m tired of Sarah Palin. Aren’t you?

9. I won’t blog about politics as much.

I know, I know: Politics is boring to most of ya’ll.

10. George W. Bush is [this much] closer to leaving office.

Let the divorce proceedings begin.

Labels: politics as usual
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael Arceneaux at 11:15 PM | Comments
Monday, November 03, 2008
11:14 PM

Why They’re Losing


Over the coming days, weeks, and months following the election, political pundits all across the country are sure to be yapping their mouths pretending to know more than they actually do as they try to answer why the Republicans were collectively dissed by voters in the 2008 election.

You are sure to hear people argue that they GOP “lost its way.” It’s pretty obvious that there will be a debate over whether or not John McCain’s schizophrenic campaign hurt the down ticket across the country. And I think it goes without saying most will point the blame squarely on George W. Bush.

But while each of those arguments holds some validity, I find it unfortunate that most will fail to say what many voters will likely tell you if asked: A lot of Republicans are assholes.

This is a press release put out by the Republican National Committee yesterday afternoon:

“Obama for America violated federal law by converting its campaign funds to Senator Obama’s personal use,” the release stated. “Senator Obama recently traveled to Hawaii to visit his sick grandmother. This was the right thing for any grandson to do — at his own expense — but it was not travel that his campaign may fund.”

Did they really file an FEC complaint against Obama for visiting his sick grandmother on the day she died of cancer?

Really Republicans?

I can walk into a Klan rally tomorrow and probably get more ass than they’ll likely get votes. This is yet another glowing example why 2008 isn’t the GOP’s year.

If you’re a Republican reading this (Hi, hater!), I’m sorry but them yo people.

Labels: politics as usual
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael Arceneaux at 11:14 PM | Comments
Sunday, November 02, 2008
1:26 PM

AHHHH!

Patti Labelle seems like one of the sweetest people on Earth, but she sounds like she’s performing the National Anthem at a haunted house.

Before you chastise me, I’m not saying Patti Labelle can’t sing. That’s definitely not true. But over the past few years I think it’s fair to point out that she sometimes sounds like her vocal coach was born with claws.

Though Glenda the Good Witch of Soul still sounds better than most singers out now, I wouldn’t hold a glass at one of her concerts. The only other woman alive I think who might be able to out screech her is Chaka Khan.

Which leads me to ask, which one would win a shout out? Patti “Scream to the top of your lungs” Labelle or Chaka “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-EEEEEEEEEEEEEH—EH-EH-WOOOOOOOOO” Khan?

Labels: Uncategorized
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael Arceneaux at 1:26 PM | Comments
Sunday, November 02, 2008
10:17 AM

I Thought Scrooge Was Just for Christmas

In yet another example of why this election needs to come to a close, we have an ardent McCain supporter who refused to give out candy to any trick or treater that supported Barack Obama. As pathetic as that sounds, she was dead serious.

As you’ll see in the video, she turned many kids away — including the daughter of Rosie O’Donnell’s long lost twin. She made her little girl cry. That little girl won’t be able to vote for more than a decade, but evidently, her thoughts on universal health care and a progressive tax vote make her an undesirable candidate for a free bag of M&Ms with peanuts.

That poor child. It’s bad enough the woman was going to give her the nasty kind of M&Ms. She didn’t have to make her cry, too.

I’m not one for vandalism, but in this instance I wouldn’t have been mad if the reporter noted that someone egged her house or at the very least, stuck an Obama sign in her front lawn. It should never ever be that serious.

Labels: politics as usual
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael Arceneaux at 10:17 AM | Comments
Sunday, November 02, 2008
9:29 AM

Nutty Negroes of Campaign 2008

Whether he wins or loses, Barack Obama has proven one thing: you no longer need a perm or take a trip to the seminary to make it on the national political scene. But for every step forward the presidential contender has won for The Race in the endless 2008 campaign, some kooky colored fool has cropped up to drag us two steps back. It has become all-too apparent during this long slog that some of us are afflicted with Nutty Negro-itis: an incurable form of verbal diarrhea that prompts you to speak as if your brain and tongue just took a big dip in the toilet.

Now that this campaign is coming to a close, let us review, The Nuttiest Negroes Campaign 2008. Because whatever we might have lost in racial self-esteem, we have gained so much in pure entertainment value:

Pastor Manning

If you’ve never watched The Boondocks, there’s a character named Uncle Ruckus: a self-hating Black man that acts as if God sprinkled a little something extra on white people when he created them. Pastor Manning makes Uncle Ruckus look like Eldridge Cleaver.

During one sermon, the good reverend said: “The way the Negro people are turning against Hillary and Bill Clinton these days for Obama is unprecedented. You see how unreliable and unfaithful and fickle the Negro people are? They left you for that half-white boy. You see how they are?”

Juan Williams

He works for FOX News, yet had the gall to suggest that Gwen Ifill had a conflict of interest in the Vice Presidential debate because of her book, though the title and subject matter were announced long before both sides agreed to her moderating the debate.

That’s like a crack head turning their nose up at a drunk.

Bob Johnson

For bringing up Barack Obama’s past cocaine use, for defending Geraldine Ferraro’s racist comments, for acting as if Bill and Hillary Clinton are the Adam and Eve of Black people: Fail.

Andrew Young

He may never live down that moment back in December 2007, while speaking on the local Atlanta program, Newsmakers Live, after sharing his views on Barack Obama, he had this to say about Bill Clinton: “Bill is every bit as black as Barack. He’s probably gone with more black women than Barack.”

Mr. Young, I thank you so much for your service and sacrifice in advancing the race, but sit down and stay there. And please take Jesse with you

Jesse Jackson

If you doubt why Jesse is on the list, I have two words for you: The nutcracker. And if Cashew Cruncher’s outbursts weren’t bad enough, Jesse has made himself an unlikely (and unsolicited) spokesperson for the Obama campaign, telling the New York Post: “Zionists who have controlled American policy for decades remain strong, they’ll lose a great deal of their clout when Barack Obama enters the White House.”

He’s has since claimed his words were distorted, but this is the second time he’s gotten into trouble with media outlets owned by a particular conglomerate.

Take the hint, Jesse. If Al can take a break from his position as publicist of Black People, so can you.

Anne Price-Mills

The way she cried over Hillary’s loss on CNN in what looks like her daughter’s barrettes, you would have thought her nickname was Slick Willie.

Joe

Joe appeared on the Tom Joyner Morning Show and said he didn’t have to vote because he heard Obama had it all wrapped up. The person who told him that is probably the same person bootlegging his album. As the interview progressed, Joe showed just how little he understood about the electoral process – asking the morning crew could you vote online.

I bet Maxwell knows the answer.

James T. Harris

Last and certainly least is a conservative radio host trying to milk his 15-minutes for all its worth. As he gazed into McCain’s eyes to plead that the Arizona Senator “take it to” Obama, stomachs both Black and white soured at his level of enthusiasm. As if that weren’t enough, this opportunist shows he’ll do whatever it takes to get attention. On his personal blog he compared eager Barack Obama sympathizers to Hitler youth.

I’ve heard more coherent arguments from schizophrenics, but add it to the pile of Nutty Negroes of 2008. So long folks! We won’t miss you.

As seen on The Root.

Labels: politics as usual, say what
The Cynical Ones.
posted by Michael Arceneaux at 9:29 AM | Comments