Ricky, Bobby, Halle, and Mike

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If you’re from Texas and you didn’t tell me about these dances, shame on you. If I know you personally and you’re from Texas and read this blog, I ought to curse your ass out. Well, maybe not, but get on video chat so I can give you the side-eye or something.

Though the stanky legg is just now catching on nationwide, I’ve already learned two new dances as of last night. They are called the Ricky Bobby and the Halle Berry, respectively.

Why is it called the Ricky Bobby? I haven’t a clue. I thought of New Edition, but that’s apparently not it because the dance does not involve bitterness, drugs, or alcohol.

It’s another Dallas dance, so don’t even try to clown Houston, though to be fair, we’d come up with something just as retarded yet entertaining. You know what, even as I type, I’m still disappointed folks didn’t tell me about this dance. This has been out since last fall. I mean, how could my people let this get past me?

I mean, even white folk knew about it. That’s not fair. I know Barack Obama told us we’re all one people, but Zora Neale Hurston said “all my skinfolk ain’ t kinfolk,” and a couple of ya’ll are looking really unfamiliar right now. Don’t let it happen again.

Even he knew about it. Now, I don’t know what box to check him under, but he ain’t Black and he knew about this dance before me. I believe in equal opportunity coonin’, but c’mon nah, don’t let me get behind.

Thankfully, I was somewhat informed about the Halle Berry. My mama called me one day asking me what the hell it was. At the time I didn’t know, but thankfully my brother called me yesterday and let me know that it, along with the Ricky Bobby were new dances.

Here’s the Halle Berry.

I know someone’s going to come in here and say “that looks gay.” Here’s what Kanye West had to say about using the word gay with a negative connotation:

Titles are very important. I like to embody titles, y’know, or words that have negative connotations, and explain why that’s good. Take the word gay — like, in hip-hop, that’s a negative thing, right? But in the past two, three years, all the gay people I’ve encountered have been, like, really, really, extremely dope. Y’know, I haven’t, like, gone to a gay bar, nor do I ever plan to. But where I would talk to a gay person — the conversation would be mostly around, like, art or design — it’d be really dope.

I’m sure someone’s itching to post, “Well…he gay” in the comments section. No he is not. He may sometimes dress like a gay prostitute from the 80s, but that doesn’t mean he’s gay. The only man Kanye could ever love is himself so take what he’s saying to heart. Granted, the Halle Berry isn’t exactly art, but I like the song dammit and that’s all that matters.

Then again:

This dance does look like something a project AKA would do. I don’t know, after seeing someone smaller with more room to do it I might stick to the Ricky Bobby. While the song doesn’t bother me any, FYI, if you’re a dude trying to holla at a chick and do the Halle Berry in front of her, me thinks she may do the Jackie Joyner Kersee in response. Good luck with that.

It’s so ign’t and catchy. I kinda love it just because I like yelling, “Halllleeeee Berrrry.” I am a southern boy through and through. It’s going to be so much fun watching all of the bugawolves and mudducks walk around talking about, “HALLLEEEEE BERRY” as if they look anything like her in the club.

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