Roll The Dice To Freedom

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I’m not really much of a board gamer. The only one I can think of that I actually like was Monopoly and it took a hurricane that knocked out my electricity for a week to get me to play it. Alright, I’m lying: Candyland is cool, too. My niece is an aggressive player, but she makes it fun. Other than that, I don’t really care for board games. Even if I did, this game would not appeal to me.

I know what you’re thinking: What idiot thought of this? Sad to say, there’s more than one person who thought basing a game on slavery was a good way to make money from those looking to find fun (for them) ways to pass the time.

I’m praying these people are white and out of touch. Please don’t tell me a Black person thought of this. If so, they need to be kicked out the race immediately. Then be forced to watch every media appearance Al Sharpton has ever made.

How in the hell do you play a slavery board game? A site for the slavery-themed game with the purple cover says:

Take the role of an escaped slave and make the perilous journey to Canada and freedom in the years before the Civil War. Listen to songs that express the longing for freedom while carrying secret messages of hope and escape.

A game based on escaping certain beatings, rape, and/or death at the hands of your master while humming Negro spirituals sounds like loads of fun. I can see it now. A family gathered around the kitchen table playing a fun game of Underground Railroad.

Someone with less melanin (I seriously doubt Black people are playing this) has rolled the dice thinking he’ll land on the spot where Harriet Tubman will take him to Canada. Unfortunately, he comes up short and finds himself out of the game.

“Hahaha! Massa got you. You’re gonna die. That just leaves me and mom on the chase for freedom.”

Then hopefully their table breaks and they all have to go watch TV like normal people.

And get this:

Learn about African history and culture, and fly with the Tuskegee airmen. Explore the great story of the Underground Railroad and African American history with Chatham Hill Games.

Who flew in the days of slavery — let alone with pilots from World War II? I wonder who the slave master in the game is. Judging from their historical models, maybe Hitler or Saddam Hussein. This is exactly why so many children confuse Martin Luther King and Bill Cosby.

The best way to learn about slavery is to open a book about it and read it. I would even let you slide by watching Roots so long as you don’t play a game about it.

If people actually buy this nonsense maybe I should come up with a game myself. Say, a prison game where players make their own shanks, sell themselves for Newport’s, and new inmates fight to keep their assholes safe from intruders.

Will that sell?

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