The Name Game

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This post continues to be the standard bearer, but the more I hear about these creatively crazy names from family and friends, the more I think I need to start making this a regular feature. I got a text yesterday about a child named Sjondarian Bland.

What is a Sjondarian Bland?

My browser’s spell-check wanted to call him Sanitarian or Secondarily.

The name could be based on generic wine. Perhaps it’s inspired by an STD, or maybe it falls under the standard faux-French fuck up of a name so many Black people like to give their children.

Why do people continue to do this to their kids? The minute a name like that is spotted on a birth certificate is the minute you leave the room and call CPS. Better yet, call CPS in front of the mother. Make them understand how wrong they are.

If your aim is to ruin your child for life for ruining your figure, you can actually still do worse than Sjondarian. Let’s play a game of screw a child. No R. Kelly.

LeBlaknmil
Gonna’reeah
Wii’pop Champane
Jaiizee
Betada-Yontada Say
Birfcontral
Nuvo
Randim
Biore
Twitta

That’s all I got right now. I should probably make a run to Popeyes for inspiration. I’m playing: I really just want some chicken strips and a biscuit with grape jelly and/or honey. But I bet if I go on Tuesday when it’s the two piece special for .89 cents, I’ll get some good names.

I know you want to play along, so come on. 🙂 And if have have some names, please pass them along to me.

By the way, noot to be stereotypical, but Sjondarian is currently in custody. I’m just saying…

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