Help Me: Ciara
Hey, Mike.
It’s ya girl Ciara (pronounced Cee-erra). Now I know your whole thing is advice or whatever, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that I don’t really need any advice per se.
This time in my life I’m very happy. I’m going out more.
See? That’s me out. I’m sure you know who that is. Kim Kardashian and I are very good friends. Like total BFFs or whatever.
It’s good to meet with someone who totally helps get me more press understands me and supports me in my evolution as a woman and entertainer.
And she also knows what it’s like to deal with the negativity out there. You know, the kind of negativity people like you throw out on the internet.
Quite frankly, I find it pretty pathetic. What have I done to any of you?
Why sit there and nitpick and judge me online? Why sit at your computer staring at me trying to find something – anything – to bash me with? You know what? You must really like what I do for you to sit there and analysis it.
I look at it as you all have too much time on their hands.
Unfortunately, we live in a negative world so ya’ll have been successful in derailing my Fantasy Ride. It’s not right. I worked hard on that album!
I took my fans on fantasy ride through music. I gave so many shades of myself.
I really pushed myself as a woman, as a writer, as a producer, as a performer. I have grown so much. Unlike a lot of artists I didn’t rush my project. I wanted perfection, because I wanted to give fans my all.
I am in love with my music, it’s my lover, my friend, my everything. I gave my fans a first class ticket to music. Everyone else is giving them stand-by on Southwest.
But you all won’t let that be the narrative. You’d rather still crack jokes.
You know I’m not a man.
Whether or not I’ve bench pressed 50 Cent’s penis doesn’t matter.
What matters is that I’m an artist and should have my music heard.
So how can we get people like you to stop being negative and make that happen? My Fantasy Rise shouldn’t be treated like MARTA.
Like I said I don’t need your advice. I need you to quit hating.
HATER. HATER. HATER. HATER.
Now if you’ll excuse me, me, Kim, and LaLa are headed to the Ivy.
Kiss my swag,
CiCi
—
Dear Ciara,
Have you heard of the phrase “sucking at life?”
If so, how about you stop, pose for the frame and be the visual embodiment of the term?
Since I’m behind the post that got past around more than copies of Rihanna’s last album (you mad?), I caught the not-so-subtle digs at me and those with similar opinions in that interview with the writer who took the stan approach to interviewing.
Let’s share two fun facts for the day:
1. It took me 20 minutes to write that post. If you can write, and the subject matter is easy and the target is even easier I’m not wasting that much time or brain cells highlighting the obvious.
2. When people point out something bad, don’t think they’re secretly in love with it. That’s a delusional and narcissistic way of taking criticism. Trust me: I meant what I said when I wrote it.
There are times when you have “nothing to do.” Same for the rest of the world. Keep that slick talk in the jar.
I was actually a fan of yours. I bought Goodies. I found you refreshing.
Sure you looked a little familiar and was riding the crunk trend, but you keeping your legs closed for most of your debut. That separated you from the rest of the pack.
Then someone whispered in your ear that sex sells. You were encouraged to ‘step it up’ – not musically, not performance wise, but hormonally.
Then came the muscle butt shots.
The splits.
Your glorified audition for The Player’s Club 2: EBT Don’t Keep Me in Fendi.
It’s not that you can’t be sexual. I mean, I loves me a whorish pop star. But there’s something that you and other singers like you don’t seem to get.
When Janet and Madonna spread their legs from east to west, it seemed as if they owned their sexuality. It tied into their music and image and was something that seemed organic.
You, on the other hand, seem to be following a formula.
A formula that’s now taken you from potentially being the new Janet to likely turning into the heir to Mya’s shoulda, coulda, woulda throne.
I heard that it really bothers you that Rihanna’s become a superstar, hence why you fired all of your old team.
Just between the two of us, did you want to push her off the stage? Or were you too busy frowning at the woman from E! that kept mispronouncing your name.
Here’s the thing: You were doing everything you needed to do to be a star.
You were different because you were one of the few who actually danced.
Not just dip it, pop it, twirk it, stop it.
You actually had some level of extensive choreography. Now all you do is twist a little and spread ‘em wide eagle.
Even he’s dancing more than you now.
Sex gets attention, it doesn’t sell music, especially not in a recession.
Do you really think we care about you licking Justin Timberlake’s ear? Half of us ain’t felt him since he ran away in tears from Janet Jackson. You didn’t excite anyone but Jessica Biel.
Wanna know why Keri Hilson is doing well despite dancing like the slow on in dance class?
Her songs are catchy. The end.
She’s doing songs you should be doing. Were you late on your check the last time or something? Forget that diss and call her for a session.
A hair cut isn’t going to save you.
And as your ex-hairstylist put it:
“She has no identity. Still trying to find a look.
The pics of Ciara on the post for her twitter is my work, the beautiful makeup head shot was done a year ago in Atlanta, that other crap is Kiyah, wack . Please make a correction. We spent hours trying to find this child a look and she still bites and don’t listen to a list . She’s a year behind all of it . Crazy !, she would have been rocking it all before all if she listen ,now she looks like a knock off.”
You’re late!
You don’t want my advice, but if I were you I’d:
1. Fire whoever has you dressing like Rihanna’s drag queen of an older brother.
2. Burn that wig and the person who handed it to you.
3. Call Jazze Phae and Lil’ Jon so you three can make a comeback together.
4. Stop being late. If you hear a song that’s catchy and think, “Oooh this song will sound even better three years from now when I try something like it,” delete the mp3 asap.
5. Stop acting so damn pretentious. Your are known for the matrix, not fighting world hunger.
In five years you’ve gone from multi-platinum burgeoning solo star to fading solo act who’s one or two flops away from being a judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Speaking of dancing, get you a new jig while you’re at it.
I think you have a lot of potential, but figure out who you are yourself for your next project. Let your label figure out how to market your actual persona after the fact.
Get it together soon or:
…will be the only goodies you serve to the kids.
Dueces up, your chart position is DOWN!
Your welcome,
Michael
Anonymous
July 30, 2009 at 3:16 pm
I've been telling people that Monica needs to come get Ciara and immediately drag her back to Atlanta.
Anonymous
July 30, 2009 at 4:00 pm
DAMN MICHEAL , JUST DAMN….WOW. I HAVE NOTHING MORE TO SAY.
Lil' Creole Pimp
July 30, 2009 at 4:20 pm
Michael Michael Michael, you my nigga!
B.W.W.
July 30, 2009 at 4:53 pm
she needs to go away. there is no room for her in the industry. she had a window of opportunity and she messed it up. i expect to see her at winstar casino in 5,4,3,2,1.
J2201987
July 30, 2009 at 7:37 pm
And the coup de grâce, your "Fantasy" became a nightmare when the album fell off Billboard 200 after 10 weeks.
Time to come home CiCi, take a break with the last shred of your dignity, and re-evaluate and discover yourself, of course, if you choose to do so.
For this post, Absolutely Speechless….
*sheds a tear, pour out 2 oz. of cognac for CiCi's career*
Anonymous
July 30, 2009 at 9:40 pm
you roasted her ass.. i have nothing to say..but that piece hurt MY feelings lol.
poor cici..
babygirlja
July 30, 2009 at 10:05 pm
I concur with everything you said
Nicki Sunshine
July 31, 2009 at 5:45 am
I co-sign!
Kimberly
July 31, 2009 at 8:22 am
I love it…I love it…highlight of my day thanks!!!!
1016
July 31, 2009 at 10:16 am
I loooooooove this post. You went so hard on her and covered every possible corner of going-hardness, lol. I haven't really paid that much attention to her since Goodies, but I definitely agree with the stuff that you said. She's one of the only real dancers out there, but she's abandoning that for wackness.
Anonymous
July 31, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Mike you are my fire and desire!
Misty Knight
July 31, 2009 at 9:47 pm
"Deuces Up, Your Chart position is Down!"
You aint got no compassion
Thank. You.
Jay1
August 1, 2009 at 7:27 am
this is hilarious
Vaun
August 1, 2009 at 9:38 am
Yessss. OMG I Soo agree, Stop chasing after whats already been done, Like ciara always seems to be doing something right after its done..Rihanna and everyone cut their hair in 07/08 and cici does it now..JT/Riri/Everyone gos into euro pop and blow up ciara does it 3 years later ad fails..Cici get back to the Old U Please
Anonymous
August 2, 2009 at 10:56 pm
Wow! Hilarious!
Anonymous
August 2, 2009 at 11:39 pm
I think it's really easy to kick the girl while she's down.
Ms. Kim
August 4, 2009 at 2:35 pm
w.o.w Michael! U went IN! just…wow;)
Anonymous
August 10, 2009 at 12:17 pm
Dear Bitter Homosexual
So easy to take shots at someone when they aren't winning. Noble.
I hope this weak blog took you all of 5 minutes .
Going into Ciara character.
Finding pictures of Ciara. Embedding video of Ciara.
Writing dialogue as Ciara.
Writing rebuttal dialogue to yourself as Ciara.
'Ciara is a man' jokes in 2009.
Gosh. How genius.
And Ciara is the one with nothing to do?
The irony is lost on you and your readers no doubt.
Michael
August 10, 2009 at 1:05 pm
Dear person who wrote under anonymity,
I wrote about her when she up, down, left, and right.
Thank you for taking the time to read my site and leave that feedback…under anonymity.
I hope your check cleared or at the very least, you got a whiff of Ciara.
I gather you really, really enjoyed Fantasy Ride. Good for you.
Speaking of genius, using homosexuality as an insult. Oooh, I'm hurt. And the funny thing is, I BET you're gay yourself. How typical. Smile now.
Charlae
August 17, 2009 at 3:45 pm
Everything you said was on point, and so well-written. But if I may play devil’s advocate….we know she has the talent and the ability. Her first album was very good, as you know. Could it be that all of this shit that’s been going down the last few years is the label’s doing? Trying to have her do what their ideas of success are? If so, it’s partly her fault for letting them push her around, but I would have to think the music industry is a bitch. I don’t know how it works, but if they say to her that she’d better spread her legs and twirk or else they won’t put marketing power, good producers/songwriters, funds, etc behind her album, doesn’t that leave her behind a rock and a hard place?
I think many female artists out there today are influenced more often than not by their management/labels (Beyonce, Rihanna, Amerie, Cassie just to name a few), and it just so happens that what they were pushed to do worked and Ciara’s has backfired for some reason. You can shed some more light on this for me, but my understanding is pretty much that the record label is massa and you’re kunta kente in these types of situations unless you’re either a really big name or an individual with a strong musical identity and can write your own ticket.
Sorry for blowing up this post with an essay. While you’re at it, can you puh-lease call Amerie out and have her get back to doing what works?! Her first CD was amazing, but when she tries to sing too fast and outside her range (which she has been doing since after her debut) she just sounds like a tortured alley cat and then no one wins :-/
CIARA STAN (HATERS STAY MAD)
October 20, 2009 at 12:17 pm
WOW YOU BITCH ASS MOTHERFUCKER ASS IS THAT JEALOUS OF CECE. BITCH ASK BET AND MTV WHO RUN THEIR SHIT. ASK BEYONCE AND RIHANNA WHY CECE GOT BILLBOARD WOMAN OF THE YEAR BEFORE THEM, ASK THEM WHY WAS SHE JUST TITLED POP PRINCESS. DONT BE FUCKING COMING AT CECE LIKE THAT. YOU FUCKING HATERS THAT MAD THAT CECE WILL TAKE OVER THE MORE COMMERICAL SHE IS AND BECOME QUEEN OF POP. DAMN YOU YOU HATER. CECE DO YOUR THING. IT IS OK FOR BEYONCE TO THRASH HER COOCHIE IN FRONT OF ALL THOSE FOLKS AT THE VMAS AND HER TO CORRUPT THE GAME, BUT CECE DOING HER THING THE RIGHT WAY WITH FULL CONTROL AND ACTUALLY BRINGING INSTEAD OF STEALING, AND NOW SHE THE DEVIL. GO TO HELL MIKE.
LINDSAY LOHANS CRACK PIPE
November 2, 2009 at 11:06 pm
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA
@CIARA STAN (HATERS STAY MAD),youre a fan of ciara but you spelled her name wrong.
thats y its hard 2 take u seriously after the first line of your RETARDED RANT.
THIS WHOLE POST about cici is THE TRUTH!!!!
and she better take heed because the CLOCK IS TICKING ON HER CAREER.
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