Lost One

Sigh. Mario has decided to finally cave in and let a vigilante barber and a hack A&R rep transform him from the anomaly that was being one of the exceptionally talented vocalists left in contemporary R&B to yet another cliche.

Mediocre R&B song full of references to designer labels. Of course.

Cameo from current run-of-the-mil southern rapper. On deck.

Pseudo R&B-thug tinged appearance. Check.

Video looking like product placement 101. You betcha. (c) Sarah Palin

Leading lady someone of the ‘other’ persuasion. Who else would they get?

This song and its accompanying video are bullshit. There’s no other way to say it. I really like Mario’s voice and the potential in him. His last album was slept on, and the previous success he enjoyed with “Let Me Love You” proved that someone with a voice who’s singing about love versus sex or love of materialism can still score a massive hit on radio.

But I imagine the receipts from his last album lit a fire under him to try something – anything – that could boost his profile.

Someone ought to whisper in his ear that this won’t do it. Not only is the song not all that catchy, he’s late on jumping on these trends. He looks very much like he’s playing dress up and has made it even easier for Chris Brown to come back.

Mario, get a hair cut, call Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis or someone who can lead you back to the side of R&B that compliments your style and get it together. That ain’t it, dude.

If you’ll excuse me, I’m about to turn Michael Jackson back on. Ya’ll can have that.

Hello world!

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!

I Need Answers: King of Pop and Lock Edition

1. We get that he left his mama, his trust, and those kids his money, but who’s getting Michael Jackson’s array of fine hair weaves and wigs?

2. Who in the hell left the gate open and allowed Joe Jackson to step out in a zoot suit designed for Satan and talk shit about his new record label thirty seconds after his son died?

3. Does anyone else look at the state of Michael Jackson-less pop & R&B and get the sudden urge to lead a séance to call his spirit back?

4. Speaking of spirits, will someone tell Larry King to quit it?

5. Did CNN really need to find Bubbles for a report on Michael Jackson?

6. And if that’s the case, why haven’t we heard from Emmanuel Lewis and Macaulay Culkin?

7. Do you know that to this day, I still can’t spell Macaulay without wanting to quit this bitch?

8. Wouldn’t it have been dope if Michael Jackson and Madonna went through with plans to collaborate on “In The Closet?”

9. Can someone direct me to a bridge that I can push this conniving vulture over?

10. Am I the only one hoping Rebe Jackson performs “Centipede” at the memorial service tomorrow?

[michaeljackson_recentpurchases]

11. Did anyone else look at this picture and immediately get angry?

12. What does this ratchet blond call herself doing?

13. Anyone in on paying a Michael Jackson impersonator to whoop up on Joe?

14. Is it wrong to wish that Michael’s labels hurry up and package all of his unreleased material from the vault?

15. Is Moonwalker on DVD?

16. Was I still on the bottle when these came out?

17. Doesn’t the inherently negative coverage in the mainstream media of Michael’s death make you want to slap a bitch?

18. Michael Jackson was acquitted of child molestation charges. Elvis Presley married a 14-year-old girl. Why is the naturally pale one not branded a pedophile?

19. I loved him, too, but be honest: Even if you want to treat him like family, can we agree that mentally Michael could be a little off the wall at times?

P.S. Don’t stab me.

20. Can I get a shamon?