If Dr. Kevorkian Were A Drive-Thru

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If the sight of this sandwich has your mouth watering like the Pacific, I suggest you go and get right with God.

Because once you start working this sandwich into your daily diet it won’t be long before your meeting your maker.

Gluttony can’t even begin to describe this suicide sandwich. Instead of wasting time with bread, the double down sandwich lets two fried chicken patties take the place of Nature’s Own and then sneaks in slices of Swiss and pepper jack cheese, 2 slices of bacon, and some “Colonel sauce” that would probably make even the most hood Chinese restaurant owner say, “Too salty.”

You won’t even be able to eat this sandwich with your hands because of all the grease! If you did you’ll walk around looking like Jermaine Jackson’s long lost twin.

Yet, I know a bunch of ya’ll are sitting here thinking, “Ooh, where do they do that at?”

So far it’s only available in Providence, Rhode Island and Omaha, Nebraska. If it does well – which it will, we’re a nation of fat asses with death wishes – it will head out West.

The sandwich contains 740 calories, 42 grams of fat and 2100 mg of sodium — but that’s not excluding the special sauce and cheeses. If the calories and grams of fat weren’t bad enough, take a good long look at the 2100 mg of sodium.

Do you know what that’s going to make your heart do?

Remix, remix.

Sidenote: Back when this song came out, I used to be able to do that, though I bet if I tried it now I’d pop, lock, and drop it to the emergency room. Somebody needs to stretch!

Since moving to LA, I realize this is the land of many KFCs. I don’t know why LaLa land won’t let a Popeye’s biscuit be great, but I do know one thing: All of the fat people who stand in my way when walking somewhere (don’t worry ya’ll: In due time I will live in a deluxe apartment in the sky with fit folks) will take even longer for me to maneuver around them.

Why oh why is a sandwich like this being rolled out when it becomes all the more apparent that the reform in health care reform might be sent to the island of broken promises and unfulfilled wishes?

And wasn’t KFC starting a stampede in their stores a few months ago after getting Oprah to hand out coupons to try their new “healthier, grilled chicken?”

How do you go from that to stroke in a box?

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