Mama, I Need A Career Planner
I know I can’t be the only one who looked at this trailer and took it as a cry for help.
I get the sense that some of you feel as though I’ve been harsh on Ciara in recent months. The anonymous reader who called me an embittered homosexual for my last post, “Help Me: Ciara,” tipped me off. Next thing you know someone’s going to say Jesus doesn’t like me anymore and that Mohammad will be waiting for me outside the club next weekend to whoop my punk ass.
Instead of someone asking why I go so hard on Ciara shouldn’t folks start asking why she makes it so easy?
Take this trailer for Mama, I Want To Sing for example. Now I’m certain in Ciara’s mind she thought her first starring role in a feature film would place her alongside the other singers who really have no business acting. I seriously don’t want to put a damper on her triple threat ambitions, but who is advising her on her prospective film career? Taimak?
I get the fact that the original play the film is based on is highly popular, but somewhere along the way during shooting it had to have dawned on Ciara that something wasn’t right. I don’t even think Bookman from Good Times would do this movie. You can tell there’s a lot wrong with this film based on the trailer.
Like the younger version of the main character having a better voice than that of the adult. How is the movie going to start off with the little girl blowing her grown self out of the water? Where do they do that at? If the character’s vocal abilities were going to peak before puberty perhaps the movie should be renamed Mama, I Want To Go To College.
Oddly enough, I don’t fault Lynn Whitfield and Patti Labelle for signing up for this film. I write a blog called The Recession Diaries, so I stay up on economic news — even Lady Marmalade isn’t turning as many tricks as she used to. I’m not mad, Patti. I’m not mad at all. Things haven’t been right for your acting career since Out All Nite was canceled anyway. I personally still find it to be a great injustice.
Yet while Patti and Lynn get the OK for anything that pays Ciara, on the other hand, should’ve known better. The same can be said for Billy Zane. How does one go from starring alongside Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet in Hollywood blockbusters to co-starring in straight-to-DVD films with Juanita Bynum and Ciara?
God be an answer to that riddle.
As it turns out the premiere of this film was supposed to be last night. Guess what? It got abruptly canceled due to technical difficulties…whatever that means. You know, if it were me I’d go ahead and put on my nicest pair of sweats, head over to the spiffiest Walmart I could find and snap a picture of myself holding the DVD near the clearance bin. Then after that I’d go home, hack my imdb page and delete any listing with my name attaching me to the project.
Ciara, please go find someone who’s going to go to bat for you. Otherwise you’ll be lucky if you can star in Bring It On 45. Or better yet go work on a follow-up album that will shut people like me up. This ain’t it.
babygirlja
September 27, 2009 at 1:43 pm
I see that Ciara has taken up Christina Milian's management cause this move is an Epic Fail and her singing career ain't that much brighter. She betta shape up or put on her cheerleading outfit because Bring It On 85 is in your future.
Anonymous
September 28, 2009 at 6:44 am
"Like the younger version of the main character having a better voice than that of the adult. How is the movie going to start off with the little girl blowing her grown self out of the water? Where do they do that at? If the character's vocal abilities were going to peak before puberty perhaps the movie should be renamed Mama, I Want To Go To College."
-DEAD! Buried, Resurrected and DEAD AGAIN! That was tooooooo funny! And so sad that it's true…
LINDSAY LOHANS CRACK PIPE
September 28, 2009 at 1:46 pm
YOU ARE NOT GOING TOO HARD ON CIARA AT ALL.
ALL YOU HAVE BEEN SAYING IS THE TRUTH AND WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING 4 THE PAST YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ciara is a hell of a dancer but she lost focus and is trying 2 be a sex kitten,social lite,clothes icon. smh
anyway this movie looks SAD and i cant believe its being released in the theaters.but the sad thing is,ciaras fans ARE SOOOO DELUSIONAL saying this movie will make 20 mill opening weekend.
im not a die hard fan but i do like her BUT IT IS WHAT IT IS AND THIS MOVIE WILL FLOP HARD!!
La
September 28, 2009 at 3:23 pm
Um… while I am utterly flabbergasted at someone being cast to sing in a movie who is famous simply for picking up the choreography that wasn't good enough for Janet and Magic City strippers, the most disturbing part is that I am supposed to buy that the octaroon girl in the begininng of the movie grows up to be Ciara? #WHALEFAIL
J2201987
September 28, 2009 at 3:50 pm
I can understand now this went Straight-to-VHS. Based on this movie, it looks terrible.
You are not going hard on Ciara because this has been a recurring nightmare for us (you'd think for her, but we have to sit up and endure this n*ggatry). This has something we've been talking about since she and Jazze Pha (who hasn't really had a huge hit since Ciara's 1st album) fell out 3 years ago and she got all "hollywood" on us.
Yes granted, she is one of the many singers who want to successfully transition into actors, but really shouldn't (re: BEYONCE), but in her particular case, regardless of whether she truly loved the play or not (or was payed to say that), a movie about singing really shouldn't have been on her list, especially when we know (hell I'm sure she knows) she cannot sing like the just mentioned nor her cast mates.
I think CiCi should have stuck to what she's more famous for: dancing. I'm sure there's a "You Got Served 132" in the works, where Chris Stokes is looking for little boys and girls and more little boys he can cast.
Love Mama I Want To Sing
September 28, 2009 at 5:12 pm
She is not an octaroon. her mom is black and her dad is white
http://www.youtube.com/mariahroberson
Kjen
September 29, 2009 at 5:37 am
I can't seriously believe someone was threatening to release this in theaters – it looks too cheap! Like a BET Black Romance Movie or a high scale porno.
Anonymous
September 29, 2009 at 11:12 am
@ "regardless of whether she truly loved the play or not (or was payed to say that)"
She MUST have been payed to say it because I saw the play as a kid & BARELY remember it….she's dayum near 10yrs my junior, so what exactly does she remember that she LOVED??????
RoCkii BoXxE
October 7, 2009 at 2:59 am
WAIT NOW DAMMIT!! NOT MY MOTHER PATTI LABELLE! EVEYONE KNOWS THATS ALL I LISTEN TO! IVE GOT ALL THE ALBUMS….OVER 300 PIECES OF LIVE FOOTAGE..NOW WAIT…SHE MAY NOT HAVE GOTTEN AN OSCAR OR DESERVE ONE NECESSARILY..BUT OUT ALL NIGHT WAS NOT A BAD SHOW!! IVE STILL GOT CLIPS!
THERE IVE SAID MY PEACE……SORRY…..ONLY 2 PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD NO ONE CAN TALK ABOUT FOR ME AND THATS PATTI LABELLE AND DELLA REESE!
Nicki Sunshine
October 9, 2009 at 5:56 am
I’m more shocked at how she looks as the plain girl… Are we sure that’s her? if so, makeup and hair are miracle makers.