Real Love

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I’m not going to even pretend to be a relationship expert, but I know one thing for sure: I’d never take advice from a chick named Diamond.

I appreciate Diamond and her 32 flavors of that bootylicious bubble gum (raspberry, grape, cherry, come and get this honey bun), but she lost me with this:

“Personally I don’t give a F*** a n*gga could talk to 20 b*tches but as long as I get my 90% and whoever he talking to get 10% that’s fine. A n*gga gonna be a n*gga and once a chick realize men gonna do what they wanna do its about how they go about doing it as long as they respect me and whoever… like if you are talking to somebody or whatever as long as they know when I step in the building then she need to put her head down, she need to know her place. That’s when people get it twisted.”

…I’m not saying that we are messing around on each other, but that’s the type of understanding we got. If I was messing with somebody please believe I’m going to tell that n*gga to be quiet if he call. You need to shut up my n*gga. We keep it real, all the way real we don’t sugar coat none no way whatsoever, but we so happy with each other that its no need to go mess with nobody else, but if we do it’s just a little fling cause its hard and this industry makes you grow up so fast.

First off, I suggest you all read this with a ghetto girl accent for the full effect. You might even want to roll your neck every other sentence just in case you want to really dive into the character. I don’t think you can read it any other way, honestly.

Now ya’ll can debate whether or not I should change my name to Toucan Sam based my musical tastes all ya’ll want to, but I would never say some bullshit like this.

So Diamond’s basically saying she doesn’t care if her man cheats on her so much that she might ultimately catch a permanent itch from him so long as he gives her the majority of his time and only uses his bathroom breaks to get up on other hoes?

And if you employ this sort of thinking into your relationships then you’re ahead of the game because you understand that men will be men, and thus will cheat on you. Meanwhile she says that her and Not-So-Lil-Anymore Scrappy are so happy that they don’t need to see other people, but if they did you know it’s all good because it’s just a little fling anyway. And those sort of flings happen because the industry makes you grow up so fast. Ya dig?

If you got a headache from reading all of that, congrats — that means I can still do a bird breakdown.

I think most people with sense realize that Diamond’s logic makes about as much sense as a Kim Zolciak wig.

But then again, there is a whole market set up for this line of thinking.

I’m not going to waste any time telling her to know her worth and proceed to encourage her to sing an Alicia Keys medley. I think most people understand how these sort of women operate. It’s all good as long they’re being fed, driving a nice car and wearing garments from designers with names they can barely pronounce.

Yet I still read that rant of hers and had to fight off a wonk eye. It would be easy to point out that Diamond probably scored an F-A-I-L on her GED, but that would negate that fact that there are plenty of women out there from a different class and education level that are just as willing to give into the “men are men” notion as she is.

I notice I have a lot of female readers (which I am perfectly fine with — ya’ll buy books), so I wanted to ask most of you: What the hell is wrong with some of ya’ll?

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