Next Time Try The Broiler

I’m almost not embarrassed to admit that I was a fan of Jennifer Lopez the singer. Granted, half the time she was singing over the vocals of others (Christina Milian, Ashanti, Natasha Ramos, to name a few), but I didn’t care. If her checks cleared and the hook was catchy enough I dug it. Are you judging me yet?

You probably are. You have to like judgment if you read this blog regularly. Fine. Go ‘head. Judge me. I’on care. I’m pretty sure at least seven of you loved “I’m Real” and “Jenny From The Block,” too. And I’m certain two and a half of you loved her third album, This Is Me…Then. If not, well you missed out on a good one (no seriously).

But this shit right here gets a no from me. Who the hell is Lola? Sasha Fierce’s old Puerto Rican babysitter? FYI celebrities, we’re tired of you pimpin’ out multiple personality disorder for self-gain. These days it only works if you’re a sitcom on Showtime.

I would probably be inclined to ignore Lola Lopez if the song itself had any jiggable qualities to it. Alas, it does not. The “break it off, here, break it off there” thing is OK, but that’s not enough to get it poppin’. I’m pretty sure the inclusion of Pitbull on the track was to lure a lot of those Latino hip-hop stations to give this song some spins. I pray to Our Lady of Guadalupe that doesn’t happen. We don’t need to encourage this. If this is the best J.Lo (and Pharrell…what the hell) can offer her time in music is done. I don’t like to tell people to quit but dammit stop.

At this point I’d rather hear a mix tape from Rosie Perez.

P.S. Oh and before you even try to call me out on the Young Sinick name on Twitter, that’s not the same. That’s my rap name. Mmph.

Comments

  1. Antonio says:

    i too have denied the fact that i’ve been a,… ummm… fan… since well before she ran any red lights with diddy and shyne. i just couldn’t admit it because i was clinging to my street credibility with all my heart.
    but really, i rode for her, even through those rough years of her career (2003-early 2005; mid 2005-present.)

    alas i cannot ride or die with this one. shame on you pharrell for thinking that this doo doo would pop off!

    what exactly is she “breaking off” in this song – all hope of lasting appeal? “Fresh out the oven” smells more like generic brand desperation for youthful relevance.

    When this song peaks at #59 on the Hot 100, expect a breaking story from MediaTakeOut (DIZAYUMMMMMMM!!!!) of nude pics in front of the bathroom mirror with her iPhone, while her handlers exclaim that the “leaked” photos were for a role she was preparing for.

  2. babygirlja says:

    I was a fan off her too Michael and Ion care what nobody says but this shit right here, no ma’m. Fresh out the oven and needs to be thrown in the trash and I can’t even believe that Pharell did this shit.

  3. J2201987 says:

    *pauses @ “Jennifer Lopez” the singer*

    :lol: What else did she do? Oh year that’s right Selena. Selena was good.
    I liked (to some degree) J.Lo (which is what I thought her alter-ego was) for a couple years. Even when she said the n word on that remix with Ja Fool. But alas, whoring for propaganda and overexposure does not the public like, and she sort of faded off in obscurity with her 88 year old husband.

    I would have to give credit to JLo (or Lola, or whoever she is this season) for trying again. Although her singles weren’t all that profound, they were catchy, and very much memorable. But I would say keep trying J-Lola, because this song (and the “papers” song by Ursh) is about as lovely as what my little cousin leaves in his potty trainer.

  4. I’ll go ahead and admit- the first time I heard it, I thought this song was hot… I still love the Fresh out the oven part… and I love Pit bull..

    But I listened to it and heard the lyrics…. um, JLo, can u try it again?

  5. DoniAimee says:

    I used to rock with Jenny From The Block but this mess right here made my ears burn. I would love to Lola, the Puerto Rican babysitter, as an extra personality on United States of Tara though.

  6. Erica says:

    at a certain time in a womans life she has to know what’s appropriate… Mrs Lopez doesn’t. She has TWO babies and a husband, she shouldn’t be talking about “gettin none of this.” she needs to take the Mary route & sing about love & happiness, not bend yo knees back ( where they do that at?) sat down some where. This is all so random, just random.

  7. Misty Knight says:

    Po JLO
    LOL @ all you closeted JLO fans! Ha! y’all aint got no taste!
    I liked a few of her songs, namely the one that sampled the ” I got 5 on it” track. But like another “singer” I get much more excited about her wardrobe then her “music”. But “Lola”-Really? She’s like that single Auntie that used to be “tha shit” in her heyday, but now she’s “the old bitch in the club”. Sadly, no one wants to ride with the “old bitch” :(

  8. RoCkii BoXxE says:

    I am so tired of these alter egos…its not cute!

  9. Alex A says:

    LOL, you kill me! “Who the hell is Lola? Sasha Fierce’s old Puerto Rican babysitter?”

  10. Taco says:

    I thought you were being too harsh when the song first came on. The beat was slammin’! Then she started singing, and I literally frowned. I kept listening to give the song a chance and it sort of grew on me. I thought, “Hmm…I see where they’re TRYING to go with this; it just falls a little short, that’s all. It’s weak, but it’s okay.” Then she started rapping. RAPPING? See, that’s what happens when you have too many “yes people” in your life. She thinks she’s mastered the world of singing (because no one ever told her the truth!) and now it’s time to explore the world of rap?

    No ma’am!

  11. I will admit that I LOVED JLO. From the start, 1st out the gate “if you had my love…

    But I just can’t ride with this. Jenny needs to find her “puffy” (doesn’t have to be diddy just an inspiration that can guide her) I’m willing to give her a shot but…

  12. Kjen says:

    No, I don’t like the song, .

    Somehow the autotune or whatever she’s using to distort her voice on this track doesn’t hide but emphasizes the whiny quality of her voice which is not cute. She does best when she talk-sings her way through a song.

    But I’m not worried because I’m just waiting on the remix where better producers than J Lo could work with get their hands on the track and produce a hit. They’ll probably even figure out a better/cuter name for her alter ego too.

  13. MzVirgo says:

    Hated it!

    First of all, Jennifer Lopez or J-Lo is too damn old to have an alter ego named “Lola”. Secondly, she can’t sing! I’m tired of these mediocre singers getting record deals and all of a sudden they have hits. She needs to just go back to acting or raising her kids.

  14. Z says:

    Yeah, this song is not what it is. But as far as the Lola name thing, apparently her husband has been calling her Lola ever since he was married to another woman years ago. That’s his little nickname for her and even calls her out as Lola in one of his songs. Isn’t it funny that the men in her life give her these nicknames and change her image?