Who The Hell Are They?

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These days the Billboard Hot 100 might as well be the missing person’s list. I like to think I’m pretty up on music, but since I avoid the radio, can’t remember which station actually still plays videos, and avoid unsingable and/or unjiggable bullshit like herpes a lot of things miss me.

Like this song. Week after week I would see the name Jay Sean, but for one reason or another I just dismissed it as a typo and kept it moving. Even when I kept seeing the name over and over again I would bypass it thinking it was some sort of mistake. And now, this is the number one song in the country. I finally bothered to listen to this song and I can’t believe it. This is #1?

Actually, it’s not that hard to believe. A pretty boy with a non-threatening airy voice is singing about something I forgot about already on a track featuring a rapper who at this point, would collaborate with a crying baby if the check cleared. And there’s auto-tune, which needless to say is not dead if it’s still sitting atop of the charts.

Why wouldn’t a song like that sell a massive amount of singles and ringtones while simultaneously racking up enough radio airplay to dethrone the Black Eyed Peas? Speaking of which, why do people still like them? No disrespect to Will.I.Am. because the man sure can craft a catchy point tune for his audience, but seriously, do ya’ll like “I Gotta Feeling” that much?

I’d even take that song over this, though. Jay Sean looks friendly and the like, but he’s not much of a singer or dancer. Donnie Klang must be somewhere in his room crying. If Jay Sean can score a hit, why not he? Puffy, let his mediocrity be great, too.

But really, does Haagan Daz even sell anything more vanilla than this Jay Sean’s “Down?”

Well, there’s a close second. I have no idea who Jason Derulo is either, but his single “Whatcha Say” is #4 on the Hot 100. Sadly, I know this is going to lead to more R&B singers making more of these banal tracks that are basically four minute pleads to get airplay on your city’s local Top 40 station (or three of them).

I hope I’m overreacting, but the trend has been going on for nearly two years now and irritates the hell out of me. Everyone wants to “crossover” and these type of tracks doing so well only encourages them. It shouldn’t! Everyone knows you could play anything over and over again and eventually people will like it.

Why not play something with more oomph?!

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