Cover Your Mouth Instead Next Time

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I’ve never paid enough attention to Leona Lewis to have any other thought of her besides boredom and indifference, but now I officially hate her. OK, maybe not hate but I would be lying if I said I’m not tempted to call immigration the next I get word of her being in the U.S.

When covering a classic there are two very important questions an artist should ask themselves. The first being the most important: “Will I mess this up?” The nearly as important follow-up question is: “Will I piss off fans of the original enough if I mess this up?

Leona Lewis, you have failed to answer both questions correctly.

I don’t know who that man was that slapped her and while I don’t excuse him for what he did, I’m tempted to Tweet Coko and ask her to grow her nails back for the sole purpose of scratching her up. Or at least put some fear into her heart.

How can you mess up a classic like this?

This was my song in second grade. Yes, second grade…I’m not as old as ya’ll. No shade.

Leona took every ounce of black out of this song and made it into something only a room full of intoxicated Norwegians could appreciate.

If you’re going to touch an SWV classic then you need to place your own spin on it without tarnishing everything that made it such a great song to begin with.

JoJo got it right:

See, Leona, that’s how you do a cover.

When I heard this, I didn’t think to call the police and report truancy on JoJo.

Even your idol managed to pull out a decent cover of an even more challenging song:

Some people didn’t dig this, but I love it. But I guarantee you one thing: Mariah did just enough to prevent a riot in the place. I dare you to perform your version in a room full of SWV stans.

The only good that comes of this ratchet cover is Coko, LeeLee, and TajĀ  getting a check in the recession.

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