A Queen, Not A Martyr


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I suppose in theory, I’m supposed to be up in arms over the double standards applied when it comes to how displays of affection on stage between breeders and homos are viewed. But, in all honesty, I think Adam Lambert is toying with the public to generate interest in his album and it irks the hell out of me.

This isn’t a human rights issue, it’s a publicity stunt.

Yes, the homophobia still pervading society would naturally make the general popular more incline to go “eww” rather than “ooh” at the site of two men slobbing each other down on stage. And sure, if it were two attractive feminine women tongue tasting each other during a routine less people would be up in arms. Still, the difference between Britney and Madonna toying with the public and Adam Lambert is that the other queens knew their audiences better.

It’s not surprising to see risqué and/or flat out lewd acts on MTV’s stage. MTV has a history of that so it’s a given you might see something that will push buttons. Like Prince’s ass cheeks, or Howard Stern appearing as fart man (just typing that make me want to vomit in my mouth), or Janet Jackson grabbing Omar’s crotch while performing a medley of “That’s The Way Love Goes” and “If” (yes, I actually remember the dancer’s name after all of these years…don’t judge me).

The American Music Awards are a different story, however. This is Dick Clark’s program. When is the last time you’ve heard about Dick Clark enjoying coochie pops, penis pulses, and other types of sexual seductions on a typically PG rated program?

I thought so, which is why Adam or at least his advocates should shut their glittery selves up.

To be fair to him, he brought up examples of Eminem’s rape line (as I mentioned before, something in the milk ain’t clean) and Janet and they are valid to a degree. On the other hand, I couldn’t even hear what Em’ was talking about and after flashing her tit in front of a billion people, I think people are just happy Janet doesn’t flash audiences.

The way Adam was screeching, he could’ve been singing about slobbing Satan’s knob and I wouldn’t have been able to make it out.

He simulated oral sex on stage, pulled men around in chains, and then kissed some member of his band. Is that fair he got flack and they didn’t? Debatable. Is it unexpected? Only if you’re 5.

Adam seems like a very media-savvy person, so I’m sure he knew there would be controversy. I bet that’s what he was counting on.

The cynic in me (check the credits…©) feels he knew this would get a rise out of people, he knew folks would make it out to be a bigger deal than what it is, and understood all of it would translate into a bigger buzz for his project. Even in this interview he doesn’t really make some big case for his antics on stage. It just sort of happened.

Uh huh.

I had no idea he was coming out with an album last week. I knew after the show.

The performance was all too self-serving, so while kudos to him for getting folks like me talking I’m not about to stomp around and make this out to be a political issue. For those that are interested in talking about double standards when it comes to be those across the sexual line, find a better example. He’s not it.

You should go buy his album, though, if you feel so strongly about it. I’m sure he’d appreciate that much more than any random email campaign.

The American Music Awards In 10

I anticipated the American Music Awards to be an entertaining show given the lengthy list of performers. But, anyone who’s been watching award shoes all decade should know that’s usually nothing more than a set up. Most award shows that don’t feature a performance from Queen Creole usually suck. That’s  my story and I’m sticking to it. Still, you can learn a few lessons from last nite’s show…and I’d much rather focus on those than write about every single boring performance shown last nite.

1. Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em

Although she hadn’t danced that hard since the Wayans family signed her checks, J.Lo busting her ass while performing a song rejected by Brandy is a sign that maybe it’s time to for her to reconnect with the film world. She’s still in shape, she can still dance, but really, “I’m throwing on my LOU BAH TONS. I’m throwing on my LOU BAH TONS.” I vote no, and apparently so did the shoe that led to her falling on her ass.

P.S. Dear broadcasters, there is no point in trying to edit things out when in the world of instant YouTube recap videos.

2. Some People Will Never Have It

I swear you could bring out Jesus to cover Chris Brown’s portion of the “Umbrella” remix and Rihanna would still find a way to kill the excitement of the performance. To her credit, on the new album she sings with more confidence and judging by her stage attire is still very confident with herself aesthetically. But unless you’re on a pole, in some editorial pages or someone’s bed chances aesthetic beauty only entertains for so much. There are slight improvements, but just not enough yet. It’s been years now. The songs are there but memorable performances are not. When is she going to step it up?

3. You Don’t Have To Sell Ass To Get Asses Out of Seats

Mary J. Blige has never sounded better and she didn’t need all of the theatrics to give a decent performance.

4. But Don’t Trip, If You Shake Ass Correctly It Still Works

I know Damita Jo is in her 40s and last nite’s performance doesn’t move you the way she did a decade prior, but she still did alright and she’s still embarrassing people twenty years her junior. I don’t know if I should be proud about that or start planning a vigil for the recording industry. Better yet, I might just pray for Janet. I know she’s tired of performing these same set of songs. I didn’t need to watch eight minutes of hits to know she hasn’t had a hit in eight years.

5. If You Can’t Dance, Don’t…Please

This means you, Alicia Keys. I don’t know why she’s so adamant about two-stepping and body rolling. She’s not particularly good at either. I’m not even saying that to be mean (no really, not this time). I just don’t find it necessary to see Alicia and her girls dancing like Ciara on a brick wall to a ballad. Hasn’t Mashonda suffered enough?

6. Crazy People Rule The World

Lady GaGa may seem like the type to use WiteOut as her own personal hot sauce, but as long as she can sing and entertain, happy sniffing.

7. Black People, Like White People, Need To Get Over Themselves

I get irritated as hell when those from paler pastures act as if no person exists until they realize who they are. Likewise, I’on particularly care for it when my cousins in colored do the same thing. As for Taylor Swift winning Artist of The Year, yeah, I wouldn’t have given it to her either but based on all that she’s accomplished this year it makes sense. I first learned about Taylor because I wanted to know who the hell was this random girl outselling Beyonce and Britney last year. Then I figured out that she was some teen country star who basically makes more money in an hour than I doall year (for now anyway).

Kanye West brought her to you all’s attention, but look at it like this: Why did Kanye get mad again? Because he beat out Beyonce for an award. The VMAs, like the AMAs, are now voter driven so evidently, plenty of people already knew she was alive.

And with respect to Michael Jackson, what new album did he come out with this year again? I’m not even sure he would want all of these posthumous awards if they weren’t related to  new product.

8. Actually, Some Gimmicks Do Get Old


We get it, Hov. We really do.

9. As You Get Older, You Start Becoming Confused

What is a Glorina? When did Shakira become the Columbian Creole? And as far as Adam Lambert goes: Why?

10. Most Artists Really Suck Now

I think I answered my own question as to why Michael Jackson got nominated for artist of the year.

Now if you want a more detailed recap of the show, check my Twitter timeline. Make note of the contributions from Mama Sinick.

Condom Clown

In I don’t want to call you a name, but…news please check out your cousin who’s likely having the best week ever because she partied with Captain Caveman (from this day forward that is Drake’s new nickname ’round here) and got photographed performing a trick.

This girl could be somebody’s mama, somebody’s church usher, somebody’s favorite client at the beauty shop. Good for her, but that doesn’t change the fact that she looks the fool for clowning with a condom. Clearly, she’s a blowing behemoth so while I’m not going to throw shade at the  lips women with that hair color naturally pay for, I will say something about this picture doesn’t sit right by me.

Why would you blow a condom like a balloon? Why would you be photographed doing it?

No, really, why would you do any of that?

This picture was taken in Houston, so as I native I take full responsibility for this and her hair color, which some people like my friend, Whitney, swear is a Houston staple (although I might buy my mama her first weave — a jet black Malaysian ponytail for Christmas).

In all seriousness, Black folks comprise just 12 percent of the U.S. population but account for 46 percent of the country’s citizens living with HIV. And there’s new research that says Black females continue to have a higher rate of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) than any other racial or ethnic group.

And FYI:

  • Gonorrhea rates among blacks were higher than any other racial or ethnic group and 20 times higher than among whites. While blacks represent 12 percent of the U.S. population, they accounted for about 71 percent of reported gonorrhea cases, 48 percent of chlamydia cases, and 49 percent of syphilis cases.
  • Black females aged 15 to 19 had the highest rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea (10,513 per 100,000 and 2,934 per 100,000, respectively), followed by black women aged 20 to 24 (9,373 per 100,000 and 2,770 per 100,000, respectively).

I started itching just reading that.

So my point is that picture may have been made in jest, but at the very least, I wish someone would have added a caption like, “If you’re going to put a condom around your mouth…make sure a penis is attached to it. Safe sex!”

Or something pro safe-sex, you know. You see how I’m matching wit with informative prose, right? They can do it, too.

So many people are getting knocked up, setting toilet bowls on fire, and making their bodies go “bump, bump, bump.” It’s disturbing and we have to start being a bit more proactive and honest about sex ed.

OK, that’s my PSA for day. If you’ll excuse me, I have to go watch the video for “Video Phone” again.

Watch Me On My Video Blog?

If you’re wondering, yes, the title of this entry is a Beyonce reference. I actually went out and bought Popeye’s for the first time this year in honor of the original premiere day of she and GaGa’s video for “Video Phone.”

Needless to say, I was disappointed yet very well nourished once I found out the video wasn’t premiering. So I won’t be right until I see the video for myself.

In any event, for about two years I’ve been asked the question, “When are you going to start doing video blogs?”

My usual response is, “Uhh…never?” Or, “You know, I’m not sure. Soon?”

Translation: Polite way of saying never.

In hindsight, I wish I had done so before everyone else started doing it.

Then again, I stopped wanting to be in front of the camera a while ago. I was a broadcast journalism major in college.

My cousin was a CNN anchor, so as I kid when I saw my long last name at the bottom of the screen I got geeked. When my mom told me she was kinfolk to my dad, I slowly developed a dream to be on air. Then years later I found out about Katie Couric’s $80 million dollar deal with NBC and decided I was going to be the black male answer to her.

No, not Bryant Gumble. Not Trevor Collins. Katie Couric…but with color and a penis.

And as fate would have it the second I stepped on the campus of Howard I realized that I didn’t want to do that shit.

You have to smile on command. You can’t have an opinion. Well, at the time you couldn’t, but you know what I mean.

I’m not Mr. “Hi, this is Michael ….” as I burst into a big cheerful grin.

I knew that the job wasn’t for me but I never changed my major…mainly because it might have prolonged my stay in college. Trust me, I was there long enough. Most people assumed I was a print major who just looked like a broadcast guy anyway.

And then senior year came and I had to fulfill a requirement — which meant I had shoot, edit, and report on my own news packages.

I hated it.

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Penis, Punks, and Pulpits

If topics such as the ghey and the church rile you up I suggest you not read any further past this sentence.

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Don’t Save Him, He Don’t Wanna Be Saved

In white people please stop it news, Hollywood has unveiled yet another film about some poor, misguided, unscrupulous Negro being saved by you guessed it – some paler, gentler, caring individual from the other side of the racial aisle.

I really like Sandra Bullock, but is the best her agent could come up with? The accent is abysmal, the storyline is trite, and wait, no why keep going – let’s just focus on the storyline.

Has the film industry not learned from the lessons of Radio?

How many stories like this is the film industry going to keep telling? I don’t want to see some story about some big black man being taught to read well enough to sign his name on an NFL contract. We all know how that story ends. Ain’t that right, Michael Vick?

To be fair, this movie is based on the book, The Blind Side: Evolution of a Game by Michael Lewis. The premise is as follows:

An intermittently homeless Memphis ghetto kid taken in by a rich white family and a Christian high school, Oher’s preternatural size and agility soon has every college coach in the country courting him obsequiously. Combining a tour de force of sports analysis with a piquant ethnography of the South’s pigskin mania, Lewis probes the fascinating question of whether football is a matter of brute force or subtle intellect.

So it’s indeed rooted in a true story. Yet I’m still irritated. I haven’t read the book, but based on its summary it seems as though film producers have taken this story and trivialized it into some cliché-driven sports movie focusing on the same old black pathology subplot. He’s poor, he’s black, he’s big, so brawn, he can’t read, but thank you Lordy, some nice wealthy woman is gonna hug him and make it all better.

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She Ain’t Talking About Me!

Disclaimer: Song is not safe for work. Or brain cells. Proceed with caution and headphones if on the job.

As soon as I hear the beat of this song I instantly get the urge to get up, twirk, and shake what my mama didn’t give me but the Stairmaster helped provide.

This song, like many of the songs I like to dance to, is full of all types of wrong. It’s materialistic and if judging by the bird standard set prior, should probably come with a side of Cajun fries and a buttery biscuit. Of course, these traits tend to make me like a song even more.

I know, I know: Why would I like a song called “Independent Bitches?” I’m a sucker for a beat and a hot hook, ya’ll. I’m not perfect.

But as I give the song a few additional listens (because of course one jig is not enough) I started paying more attention to some of the lines.

“Ricky Bobby, Stanky Legg, Jig Get It Big…”

Alright, I’m with you. That line could go in my official bio.

“My man ain’t here, got a babysitter for my kids…”

Shout out to your cousin for helping the club cause.

“The oils on my eyes, Gucci on my body, shoes is a fool I do a Roberto Cavalli…”

If you like it, I love it, though I wonder if you’re a renter or owner.

“I’m with the gutter mamis, we looking at the brothers like, ‘Why the hell is all these niggas dancing with each other?’”

At this point I’m wondering did she show up to the club on gay night. Babysitters don’t give refunds. But, Candi Red makes her opinions very clear:

“In 2009 that nigga ain’t my man if he rocking a purse and wear the same size pants.”

At this point my reaction was, “She ain’t talking ‘bout me.” I mean, it’s not like I’m walking around like this every day:

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I Couldn’t Resist

I thought I could manage to let this topic die, but they just won’t stop talking about it.

Following Rihanna Stone’s interview with Diane Sawyer on Friday night, I can’t help but ask God why procreation didn’t come with an application process. Seriously, it’s fair to say he deserves a second chance. It’s only right that people give him the opportunity to move forward with his career. That I get.

But what I don’t and likely will never understand is how much venom Rihanna continues to receive from some people who feel it’s her fault that one night Chris Brown’s fist became obsessed with her face. While reading the Facebook and Twitter responses to Rihanna’s interview, I couldn’t help but long for sterile spray. That way, no matter how irritated I might get from some people’s blase attitude towards domestic violence I could at least take comfort in the fact they won’t be repopulating the Earth.

Sadly no such spray exists. So I’m left with apologists and overall dick riders. Yes, there are some who fit neither label, but they’re much quieter than the aforementioned.

I understand the methodology behind it, it still really irks me how hard people will go for a woman beater just because of the way he looks. If Chris Brown had the face of Gucci Mane, the complexion of Flavor Flav, and the same friendly disposition that causes him to beat on women when confronted about cheating, he would likely be on death row — at least when it comes to public opinion.

But he’s not.

He’s a light skinned pretty boy. The one with a nice build, great smile, and the energy levels of someone suffering from ADHD that makes for great choreography.

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Try Again, Robin

Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is the same dude who used to look like Jesus and ride his bike around NYC, correct?

Oh, so it is. I guess the evolution of Robin Thicke continues.

First off, the man has some nice songs here and there but he’s no Teena Marie. Shade aside, as jig-friendly as I like my music there are certain people I expect more than club-ready tracks from. Ideally, he’s one of them. I say ideally because he’s shown evidence that his musical stylings are rooted in whatever is hot at the moment.

He flopped the first time then hooked up with the Neptunes to become Justin Timberlake’s older blue eyed soul brother. On the last album he auditioned to be Marvin Gaye’s vanilla understudy, which earned him a total fail from Soundscan. And since there ain’t nothing going on but the rent he’s now trying to make everyone loop that ass in the club.

I’ve read the comments about this clip. Collectively, ya’ll seem to like this song. Eh, I can’t jig to it. Robin Thicke just doesn’t seem like that guy. He’s giving me Mr. Schuester vibes. Look at the way he’s dancing. Are you ready to see him on stage with Nicki Minaj (who more and more sounds like a mix of Miss Swan and a project chick from the U.K. to me) hollering, “Young Money?!”

This new direction looks like a John Legend like-ploy to crossover. “Green Light” was a hot song, but John Legend went platinum twice with his first two albums and neither offered singles that garnered much airplay. But, in his mind, he needed to crossover. He did with one single and the third album went gold.

So go ahead, Robin. Trade in your Jesus sandals for a hot 16 from the Accidental Accent. I get it, but if I find you’re working with Soulja Boy, I quit you.

This is why my taste in contemporary R&B from men is stuck in 1995. These new breed Negroes and those who are inspired to sing like them don’t get it. Last time I checked, “Lost Without You” is one of his biggest hits. Ya’ll are so lucky I sound like slow death when I sing. Otherwise I’d mumbling like D’Angelo and giving ya’ll raw emotion. And twirks.

Twenty For Play

1. Now that she’s purchased two new friends & threw on a freakum dress, has Amy Winehouse turned into the same girls she roasted in “Fuck Me Pumps?”

2. Why won’t someone break Chris Brown’s modem and phone for his own good?

3. Why do I actually feel a little bad for the guy?

4. Who told Rihanna this hair pops?

5. If Britney won’t dance should she just have a seat?

6. Why won’t Mo’Nique stop screaming at me?

7. So who’s going to tell 50 Cent that he’s going out like Ja Rule?

8. Whatever happened to Alexyss Tylor?

9. How is she allowed to roam the streets freely?

10. So dreams really do come true?

11. Should Amerie create a “Why R U (The 1 Stealing My Budget)” remix dedicated to Rihanna?

12. Can Nicki Minaj pick one accent and stick with it?

13. In what century will America realize that Afghanistan is an empire killer?

14. Given the fact that her book dropped lower than she used to on video sets, how long before Karrine Steffans goes back to slurpin’ for book sales?

15. Is there some sort of relevant celebrity boycott of The Wendy Williams Show? She didn’t talk that much noise in her radio days, did she?

16. What in the hell is a Wacka Flocka?

17. Are black Republicans ever going to stop whining about being black Republicans?

18. If people hate perpetuating stereotypes about blacks in film why do so many of Tyler Perry’s critics like the movie Precious?

19. If you were Conan O’Brien, would you hate Jay Leno?

20. Which is easier to get: A reality show or food stamps?