I Couldn’t Resist
I thought I could manage to let this topic die, but they just won’t stop talking about it.
Following Rihanna Stone’s interview with Diane Sawyer on Friday night, I can’t help but ask God why procreation didn’t come with an application process. Seriously, it’s fair to say he deserves a second chance. It’s only right that people give him the opportunity to move forward with his career. That I get.
But what I don’t and likely will never understand is how much venom Rihanna continues to receive from some people who feel it’s her fault that one night Chris Brown’s fist became obsessed with her face. While reading the Facebook and Twitter responses to Rihanna’s interview, I couldn’t help but long for sterile spray. That way, no matter how irritated I might get from some people’s blase attitude towards domestic violence I could at least take comfort in the fact they won’t be repopulating the Earth.
Sadly no such spray exists. So I’m left with apologists and overall dick riders. Yes, there are some who fit neither label, but they’re much quieter than the aforementioned.
I understand the methodology behind it, it still really irks me how hard people will go for a woman beater just because of the way he looks. If Chris Brown had the face of Gucci Mane, the complexion of Flavor Flav, and the same friendly disposition that causes him to beat on women when confronted about cheating, he would likely be on death row — at least when it comes to public opinion.
But he’s not.
He’s a light skinned pretty boy. The one with a nice build, great smile, and the energy levels of someone suffering from ADHD that makes for great choreography.
He even makes kids smile. He can’t be that terrible. Even if he said, “I’m gonna kill you” and placed his girlfriend in a headlock and proceeded to bite her ears and fingers like a fucking pound puppy. We all lose our temper, especially when [insert coded language] here.
Whatever.
He’s not the devil, it would be great if he goes on to correct his deep seated anger issues and help others, but none of that will negate the reason why he’s a convicted felon. I’m tired of people saying, “We still don’t know the full story.” People pick and choose when to jump into the Mystery Machine and channel their inner Scooby and Shaggy to get to the bottom line.
Then there are Chris Brown’s friends and employees, claiming Chris “made” her, alleging she’s “crazy” and using other phrasing that plays right into the blame the victim mantra.
I wish someone would let them and other fans know that flipping Chris Brown turning Rihanna into a pinata isn’t going to boost their chances of pursing their lips to Chris’ dick. It’s become increasingly difficult for me to remove my feelings about the debate as I take domestic violence quite seriously and personally.
I’m well aware that some women incite these violence in relationships, so if Rihanna hit him in the past she should acknowledge it. That way, people looking for an inch to give Chris Brown a mile can shut their happy asses up. As Sharon Stone’s lost black daughter put it on Friday, “So what if I did hit him. Does that mean I deserved what happened to me?”
Everyone has a right to their opinion so if you watched that Rihanna interview and thought to yourself, “Bitch,” “liar,” or something to that effect (which is what I read repeatedly verbatim), you’re entitled to hold that belief. I’m also entitled to wish people who think that way nothing but perpetual vaginal or jock itch.
Musicman
November 9, 2009 at 3:40 am
I’m glad someone besides me takes domestic violence seriously. You summed up every thought I could want to articulate. GREAT read
Brandy
November 9, 2009 at 10:36 am
We applauded Tina Turner when she and Ike went head to head in the limo. Why can’t we do the same for Rihanna? Did we turn around and say that Tina deserved decades of rape and abuse because she gave back what was given to her? Can we really say that she deserved to be pummelled by a stronger opponent because she had the nerve to push/hit a boy who had been hitting her for God knows how long?
seven7nine
November 9, 2009 at 11:02 am
My issue is this: NO, she doesn’t deserve to be hit regardless of whether she hit him first or not! And YES, domestic violence is wrong. Period. But that’s where it gets weird. Because domestic violence towards men is WRONG too. So if she did hit him, she should own up to it. NO, it does not justify what he did to her. But if you’re going to tell the truth, tell the WHOLE truth. Don’t throw that boy under the bus as if you were this perfect angel.
) without blackening my knees…
I don’t know if you watched the interview, but the whole time the incident was allegedly happening, she claims she never fought back. She was just wondering “when it was going to stop”. *side-eye* Really Rihanna? So while he’s operating a stick-shift, a bashing your head against the window, holding you in a headlock and biting you, you never once tried to defend yourself?
Can someone at TMZ please release Chris’ mug shot?
And no, I’m not justifying Chris’ behavior. He was dead wrong! No doubt about it! But at least he owned up to it.
And I actually appreciate the way he has firmly remained silent about the details of the night while she goes on 20/20 and tells an obviously one-sided story.
I’m just fed up with them both and I feel its’ really bad PR for Rihanna’s camp to decide that 2 weeks before her album is released, that NOW she should talk about the incident and that NOW is the time to show other females who are in this situation that you care about them.
If you were so concerned, why didn’t you visit domestic violence shelters 9 months ago while you’re walking the streets of NY and playing dress up?
I understand she might not have been ready to publicly speak about the incident and that’s fine, but at least do your part (months before your album is about to drop) to show that you have an iota of genuine concern for someone else than yourself.
Lastly, I would have appreciated her sooooo much more if she never spoke about the incident at all. Waiting till now seems so contrived and insincere.
And here I am trying to do my best to break to into this industry with my small business based in Baltimore, MD specializing in Marketing, Advertising and Public Relations (shameless plug, i know
Darn you dignity…if only i would have read Karrine’s book on “how to be a lady”, I could sooooo be on Rihanna’s PR Team…..
babygirlja
November 9, 2009 at 12:01 pm
It’s mostly women that defend this buck tooth light skinned negro (sorry mikey I know he’s your buck toothed brethren) and I wish infertlity on their ovaries.
Takiya
November 9, 2009 at 1:42 pm
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again… I do not condone violence, however, the only reaction to have when someone hits you is to hit back.
But ladies, listen well when I say it, I’m sure he can take one of your punches, can you take one of his???
People need to bypass this bullshit about a man shouldn’t hit a woman and vice versa.
Before we classify our sex, we are human beings first.
We as people should neva lay a hand on anyone unless we are defending ourselves.
Pt blank.
Dham
November 9, 2009 at 2:17 pm
People really need to cut the fucking bullshit. We’re talking about a 6′3 190 lbs. grown ass man. It doesn’t matter if she slapped him and called his mama a 2 dollar ho, it’s no excuse for what he did to her. Why is this so hard for people to understand? Yes, there are some women who think that they can take on a man. They are very foolish and misguided women. But there is NO EXCUSE for a man to go Mike Tyson on a woman the way CB did. Chris Rock said it best, “I’ll never hit a woman, but I’ll shake the shit out of her.”
LINDSAY LOHANS CRACK PIPE
November 9, 2009 at 4:17 pm
i dont understand the HATE RIHANNA is getting either.
and whats REALLY SAD IS THE HATE IS ONLY COMING FROM BLACK WOMEN AND BLACK MEN.
its like ,its ok 4 DOMESTIC VIOLENCE 2 exist in the BLACK COMMUNITY AND IF IT DOES OCCUR,ITS THE WOMENS FAULT AND SHE SHOULDNT TALK ABOUT IT. SMH
Ricky
November 9, 2009 at 4:31 pm
The thing that continues to impress/stupefy me is that these people CONTINUE to insist that Rihanna MUST’VE done SOMETHING to warrant this beatdown. Even though no evidence exists to support this viewpoint, there is a fervent, persistent believe that Rihanna is a scheming liar. Their mouths are saying they don’t believe Rihanna deserved it but their aggressive and anti-victim actions are saying something else.
When will people force adults to be responsible for their own behavior? Chris has nobody to blame but himself for his downfall.
Krist
November 9, 2009 at 6:09 pm
I by no means condone Chris Brown’s actions nor do I feel that whatever Rihanna did (if she did anything) warrants abuse. However what troubled me was the interview and Rihanna’s responses. Maybe she’s still processing everything but it seemed so devoid of the emotion, the hurt and the pure anger I think someone in her position would feel. If not for being abused then for having her life played out in front of the media during what I’m sure was a difficult time. Her every response seemed so monotone and contradictory (I don’t want to be with him but I don’t know maybe it can happen in the future) just astounded me. Being a family member of someone that’s suffered at the hands of an abusive husband, I still see the struggles that family has to this day and her incident happened years ago. I hate seeing my aunt cry remembering the times she was beat or hearing the stories of my grandma having to pull her ex-son in law off of her daughter so he wouldn’t kill her. Maybe a completely candid Rihanna reacts differently or maybe it’s all too fresh to really get into it but this whole interviewing deal felt too much like it was needed for her album rather than for people to seek help in a similar situation despite her saying so.
Skanky Legg
November 9, 2009 at 6:28 pm
I’m not sure why idiot on twitter or other places on the internet can’t realize that when Chris comes out of the situation looking as he did before and Rihanna comes out looking like a bloody pulp, he’s the one who’s wrong. It doesn’t matter if she hit him or not, because he obviously wasn’t hurt.
KjenNu
November 9, 2009 at 7:45 pm
“She’s just talking about it now because her album is coming out.”
Well, yeah. So what?
What are the proper deadlines for granting interviews about your personal life that has gone unintentionally public? When should she have given her interview? I’m being slightly sarcastic, but I would like to know an appropriate time frame. The next day after the beating, two weeks, when all the scars and bruises had healed?
(My *favorite* Rihanna critique was how light skinned women bruise so easily and she hadn’t really been beaten. Yeah, really felt great love for my fellow man after that one.)
I don’t think either CB or Ri Ri willingly chose to become the poster child for young domestic violence. Ri Ri isn’t trying to make herself out to be Juanita (Self-Proclaimed Advocate for Battered Women for $29.95) Bynum.
Chris Brown gave his interview a couple of months ago because of the ongoing criminal case pending against him. Generally, with crime, you want to have out your own statement to counteract the negative press as soon as possible. Now he doesn’t have to give anymore interviews – but he is – and just focus on putting out his product.
And as far as her answers in her interview seeming fake. Please. Stop.
Think about what response would have made you feel more sympathetic, made her seem believable. Now erase them. Because you’re not her, everyone is an individual and people have different reactions. Period.
xands
November 10, 2009 at 12:14 am
Thank you for this post. I feel like, maybe I’m losing my mind because I’ve known more women who have been victims of domestic abuse than I really care to think about; maybe I’m just biased and I’m not about to take anything close to Chris Brown’s side, or something, I don’t know. Am I?
Taco
November 10, 2009 at 2:21 am
The more I learn about Rihanna the more I believe she very likely could have instigated it. And like many, I questioned the timing of the interview and couldn’t help but feel the overall performance was a bit staged. I also acknowledge that women aren’t always the only victims of abuse and that we should advocate against domestic violence of all stripes. However, none of this takes away from the fact that he pommeled her, and quite brutally at that. I wouldn’t have a problem with Chris assaulting her out of self-defense. But he seemed to have crossed the line from self-defense to utter rage–and that should never be excused. My worry is that someone will read all those comments laying the blame on Rihanna and may find themselves in a similar situation, but will choose to remain silent because of the backlash and victim-blaming they witnessed on these sites. Sad…
Spinster
November 10, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Thank you SO much for writing this. I’m absolutely subscribing to your blog.
JCloud
November 10, 2009 at 3:46 pm
When people are placed on pedostools we sometimes forget or remove completely, the emotions we have towards other human beings whether it be sympathy or human morals. My preferences of the two musically and as a person had always been Chris as I’ve never been much of a fan of Rihanna. I don’t remember experiencing any emotions towards her when I first heard about the incident (word of mouths are never right) but the release of the pictures and the recent interview made me see Rihanna in a different light. She is definately correct in the way she feels embarrassed and objects how her picture was released as it is a personal matter to the victim. But perhaps the release of the pictures was “the push” she needed to not to get back with him as she is afterall, in the public eye. Would people be more satisfied if she did an interview where she was bawling and her wounds were at its worst, or the cuts were still bleeding? would that have seemed less staged? By all means this issue would not be one if Chris was defending himself and ONLY if the female’s strength was the same as the male. I applaud her for the way she dealt with this and even after being abused, for wanting him to be okay and to do well. What she did was she prioritized her safety, forgave him but didn’t forget. People who suffer from domestic abuse should do the same, any second chances if given should be with caution.
MissTee
November 11, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I don’t know either of them….they ain ‘t puttin’ $$$$ in my pocket so I could give a rats a$$. BUT I will say this: I have been in a relationship that was as obsessive as Rhianna described theirs. As Keyshia Cole once said on “The Way It Is”, Season 1: STOP LEARNIN’ SO HARD!
Now that it’s “over” accept & recognize that obsession is NOT passion. I used to wild out (slap the shit outta, punch, push, headlock) on my ex (and despite how it sounds, he wasn’t a poodle, stood @ 6′1, 215lbs)….at 1st he liked it (yeah I know it sounds twisted…cause it is)….he was turned on to see me wild out over ish…..it started out with him restraining me, then slamming me on the bed to get me off him….then the bed became the couch, then a push into the wall, yall get it….IT ESCALATED. I never got Rhianna’d (never had to walk around bruised & beaten). I did see that look in his eyes she talked about (other ladies admitted to seeing that look too on other sites I visit). THAT LOOK (should things ever even have to get that far out of control) SHOULD BE YOUR CUE TO END THAT ISH. So what I learned from my situation, #1 that ish ain’t cute, #2 be real about hittin’ a dude: If you hit him and he does NOTHING, you’re going to think he’s a PUNK. If you hit him & he gives you the BIDNESS, you should end it. Moral of the story: don’t put your hands on a man.
Like a said, I don’t know either of them…but I don’t think CB is a “monster”…time will tell tho. If he does it again to her or anyone else I’ll be SMH & be disappointed in him. Rhianna tho, I think is a lot like I was at her age….wildin’ out on a dude…..havin’ CRAZY passion….ish escalated & she was left wonderin’ why “he” took it too far……
D-Magic
November 12, 2009 at 1:32 pm
Mikey, I’ve commented on your posts before about this issue and I still commend you to this day on your stance. For the life of me, I don’t get how anyone can say she deserved what she got? Like she said in the interview, what IF she hit him first? Really – you’re telling me that if your daughter, mother, sister, bff came to you looking like she looked, after experiencing what she went through and then said, “But I hit him first,” you would say to her that she deserved what she got?!?!!? REALLY?!?!?! How people can be so cold is amazing to me.
Concerning the actual interview, people and their misconceptions about when she should have said something or not and how her reactions should have been in the interview are also amazing to me. People react and respond to situations differently. She has every right to come out and tell her story now (since it is hers to tell) and honestly, I was extremely moved by her responses – didn’t think she was cold at all. What I saw was someone who clearly is used to being that strong woman on the outside and this situation blew all that up for her. When she talked about the flashes and the nightmares – wow – and the embarrassing truth about going back to him afterward… those were powerful moments to me. But I guess I’m in the minority on that.
kionna
November 13, 2009 at 7:36 pm
She Started It…I know her mama taught her to keep her hands to herself!
Ratchet
November 21, 2009 at 7:56 am
I’m late but I simply want to comment on this…
I thought she was lying.
I was looking straight at her, and I thought she was lying. So little was believable about her… her eyes, her body language, the way her words came out. Not to mention the way she kept contradicting herself (the whole “pushing into a wall” thing was sadly, unintentionally hilarious).
Based on that, the fact that Chris seems to dodge right around what actually happened and every aspect of it, the family member of Chris who called into a radio station a day or so after the incident saying “a person can only take so much”, and the fact that I simply don’t believe that he went THAT hard on her just because she was yelling (and that he would randomly bite her fingers – that screamed “hitting in the mouth” to me) I think that something more went on than what she said.
If this is the case, I believe that it is disgusting to possibly throw this boy’s career under the bus just to sell that album (cause that’s all I really see her doing). I also think it’s disrespectful to all domestic violence victims to lie about the situation and pretend one is speaking up for them for purely personal gain.