The American Music Awards In 10
I anticipated the American Music Awards to be an entertaining show given the lengthy list of performers. But, anyone who’s been watching award shoes all decade should know that’s usually nothing more than a set up. Most award shows that don’t feature a performance from Queen Creole usually suck. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Still, you can learn a few lessons from last nite’s show…and I’d much rather focus on those than write about every single boring performance shown last nite.
1. Know When To Hold ‘Em, Know When To Fold ‘Em
Although she hadn’t danced that hard since the Wayans family signed her checks, J.Lo busting her ass while performing a song rejected by Brandy is a sign that maybe it’s time to for her to reconnect with the film world. She’s still in shape, she can still dance, but really, “I’m throwing on my LOU BAH TONS. I’m throwing on my LOU BAH TONS.” I vote no, and apparently so did the shoe that led to her falling on her ass.
P.S. Dear broadcasters, there is no point in trying to edit things out when in the world of instant YouTube recap videos.
2. Some People Will Never Have It
I swear you could bring out Jesus to cover Chris Brown’s portion of the “Umbrella” remix and Rihanna would still find a way to kill the excitement of the performance. To her credit, on the new album she sings with more confidence and judging by her stage attire is still very confident with herself aesthetically. But unless you’re on a pole, in some editorial pages or someone’s bed chances aesthetic beauty only entertains for so much. There are slight improvements, but just not enough yet. It’s been years now. The songs are there but memorable performances are not. When is she going to step it up?
3. You Don’t Have To Sell Ass To Get Asses Out of Seats
Mary J. Blige has never sounded better and she didn’t need all of the theatrics to give a decent performance.
4. But Don’t Trip, If You Shake Ass Correctly It Still Works
I know Damita Jo is in her 40s and last nite’s performance doesn’t move you the way she did a decade prior, but she still did alright and she’s still embarrassing people twenty years her junior. I don’t know if I should be proud about that or start planning a vigil for the recording industry. Better yet, I might just pray for Janet. I know she’s tired of performing these same set of songs. I didn’t need to watch eight minutes of hits to know she hasn’t had a hit in eight years.
5. If You Can’t Dance, Don’t…Please
This means you, Alicia Keys. I don’t know why she’s so adamant about two-stepping and body rolling. She’s not particularly good at either. I’m not even saying that to be mean (no really, not this time). I just don’t find it necessary to see Alicia and her girls dancing like Ciara on a brick wall to a ballad. Hasn’t Mashonda suffered enough?
6. Crazy People Rule The World
Lady GaGa may seem like the type to use WiteOut as her own personal hot sauce, but as long as she can sing and entertain, happy sniffing.
7. Black People, Like White People, Need To Get Over Themselves
I get irritated as hell when those from paler pastures act as if no person exists until they realize who they are. Likewise, I’on particularly care for it when my cousins in colored do the same thing. As for Taylor Swift winning Artist of The Year, yeah, I wouldn’t have given it to her either but based on all that she’s accomplished this year it makes sense. I first learned about Taylor because I wanted to know who the hell was this random girl outselling Beyonce and Britney last year. Then I figured out that she was some teen country star who basically makes more money in an hour than I doall year (for now anyway).
Kanye West brought her to you all’s attention, but look at it like this: Why did Kanye get mad again? Because he beat out Beyonce for an award. The VMAs, like the AMAs, are now voter driven so evidently, plenty of people already knew she was alive.
And with respect to Michael Jackson, what new album did he come out with this year again? I’m not even sure he would want all of these posthumous awards if they weren’t related to new product.
8. Actually, Some Gimmicks Do Get Old
We get it, Hov. We really do.
9. As You Get Older, You Start Becoming Confused
What is a Glorina? When did Shakira become the Columbian Creole? And as far as Adam Lambert goes: Why?
10. Most Artists Really Suck Now
I think I answered my own question as to why Michael Jackson got nominated for artist of the year.
Now if you want a more detailed recap of the show, check my Twitter timeline. Make note of the contributions from Mama Sinick.
Lindy
November 23, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Mama Sinick made the awards for me. Now we see where you get it from.
Mellovirgo89
November 23, 2009 at 4:00 pm
Award shows don’t really entertain me. I don’t like seeing artists that I don’t even listen to stink up the stage. Beyonce, Chris Brown, nor Ne Yo performed so I didn’t tune in. I did see Alicia Keyes performance on Youtube and I threw up in my mouth just a lil bit. Why can’t she perform?? *tear* I also saw pics of Adam Lambert’s performance………….why? I like the principle of what he was going for, but he did it ALL wrong.
babygirlja
November 23, 2009 at 4:06 pm
Mama Sinick is hilarious and I see where you learned to throw shade.
Rihanna should be seen and not heard
Janet was dressed like the interior of a car
Gaga is crazy as hell but that bitch can perform
Timbaland makes me wanna get an eating disorder
Misty Knight
November 23, 2009 at 5:30 pm
*”abstract rapper we get it* Pot meet Kettle
Im sorry but Adam Lamberts contrived debauchery did it for me, the desperation, the longing for distinction, it was like the Americam Idol auditions all over again.
That and the Great Fall-Highlights of 09′
Cooper
November 23, 2009 at 7:13 pm
I’m about to go on my rant, so here goes:
I think that the AMA’s, when comparing the VMA’s was a lot better. It was more organized, the performances were better (though I preferred Paparazzi live than Bad Romance live, but GaGa did good none the less), and the awards, even if some viewers didn’t like it, catered to all genres and all age groups. It was American.
Janet performance was definitely… blah. I like Janet. Some of my favorite albums in my complete collection of CD’s bought over the years are RN1814 and Velvet Rope. However, her performance was phoned in. She did well for the fact that she was 43, but still, it could have been a lot more polished.
I liked Alicia’s performance. Granted, it seems like I was the only one defending her on twitter, but the song was hot, and she switched it up. You can’t sit at a piano all the time.
Rihanna *sigh* she really does needs to work on her stage craft. Although her new CD is sonically competent, and is actually well-recieved by the critics and fans alike. She just seems like she has no pizazz or charisma. Hopefully before/if she goes on tour she should definitely step it up. Like 150 percent.
What the hell happened with Timbaland. Seriously, he and Tyson and can body doubles. He’s ill shaped. I guess steroid bloat will do that to you.
I’m kinda disappointed in Shakira. Her new CD just HAD to get a new song/single by Timbaland that wasn’t needed. The European/Asian/Latin American release of the album was perfect with no filler and straight chaser. Sony just couldn’t leave it alone and avoid her being called a Beyonce clone (which she is totally not)
Gloriana winning? I ain’t heard about them until last night. Even they acknowledge that shit themselves on stage. GaGa was def. the artist of the year.
Adam Lambert was def. out of bounds. The kissing the other guy on stage I had no problem with. But to actually grind your groin into another person’s face on national television was crude and inappropriate. Best believe if he had a bit more melanin in his skin it would have been a much bigger fallout.
J.LO fell on her ass. Just like that stupid song will when/or if it debuts on the 100. She’s forty, and plus rapping/singing/lipsynching about material goods in stupid anyway.
As far as Jay-Z being cocky? I don’t care. He is selling well and his numbers are great. 50 Cent had diarrhea of the mouth and debuted much lesser than expected. More power to Shawn.
As with the Michael Jackson/Taylor Swift debacle, I def. see your point. Michael Jackson, in all honesty would have gotten the award for just being…. Michael Jackson. I love him to death, but the gloved one hasn’t had a hit in a long, long time. I think the reason people are somewhat dismayed by Taylor is that Kanye’s tirade seemed to have worked in her favor, like “big black guy (Ye’ is 5′8 LOL) bullying little white girl” which he was wrong for, but still, let it go.
Taj
November 23, 2009 at 10:10 pm
FIVE WORDS: uhm sawch eh fawkin lehhdayy.