Resolutions For You, Me, & Them

Whenever I hear people point out that one doesn’t have to wait until New Year’s to begin their resolutions I stop to look out at the sky and wait for these folks to also remind me that the shit is still blue.

As obvious as it is to point out that anyone can attempt a new lease on life on any given day of the week, it’s just as obvious to realize that symbolism means something to many. You look to the start of the New Year with a clean slate and thus, set your goals around it.

To that end, I’d like to share some New Year’s Resolutions for myself and those who need it the most.

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The Blog I Was Supposed To Write

So last week’s video blog was not the blog I was referring to when I said a new one was on the way.

As it turns out, I ended up punking out on posting the second one. Why? Because I felt it was too personal, showed me owning up to certain flaws that I still grapple with acknowledging. And to put it bluntly I felt it was too damn personal.

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What Did Jesus Do To Deserve This?

Why are people being so mean to Jesus lately? Whether or not you claim him to be your savior is one thing, but c’mon nah, show some respect. It’s not like he used to record duets with Ja Rule. This is a nice person. Someone who spoke of love, tolerance, and charity. Why the exploitation? Better yet why the exploitation in the seediest of ways?

That exercise video is one thing. At the very least one could argue, “Hey, they’re trying to get you fit for God.” You wouldn’t want to meet the creator with sausage sandwich and shame on your breath, now would you? See…I can find the silver lining.

Not with everything, though, and this video would be an example of such. One of these two must refer to Lucifer as his favorite uncle. That’s the only way I can rationalize this nonsense.

“Jesus Christ Bail Bonds?”

Really? Is that how we’re bastardizing Christianity these days? Your grandma would likely refer to me as a “polite heathen” while whispering, but I bet she wouldn’t flat out call me the Devil as I would never pull some mess like this. I was raised better.

I wish I could pass this off as satire, but such scenario is inconceivable because I think these fools are dead serious. “GEE-SUS BALE BONS.” What’s next? Allah’s All You Can Eat Hot Links? (If you’re wondering, yes, I wish I had some turkey sausage around.)

Nah, that’s not going to happen. A Nigerian terrorist with homies in Yemen probably spooked that idea out of people. I’m surprised Christians haven’t started to place the fear in the hearts of these two clowns (like they used to do). Jesus was nice, but I thought it was implied that God will turn your body into its own personal Hiroshima if you got too far out of pocket.

I hope there’s a short yellow bus to hell service running. I’d gladly pay the fares for these two.

Pausing The Pausers

I don’t get heterosexual men who go out of their way to point out seemingly homosexual behavior.

Like the Pause Police. Isn’t it gay in itself to be fishing for anything that seems “gay?” Shouldn’t the pause police pause itself?

Before they lock themselves up for their own criminal acts can they send these two to whatever fictitious gay jail they’re supposed to go to?

Riddle me this: If you see something that makes you uncomfortable what do you do? Do you look away? Do you forget it ever happen? Do you say “eww” like a six-year-old and then move on?

Or do you grab your Web cam and make a video out of something that supposedly bothers you beyond belief? And if you do shoot for the latter option, how does viewing said nasty behavior in slow motion helping you cope? Why would you go out of your way to do this? You know, since it troubles your spirit so much.

After you answer those questions for me can you then explain what exactly “Masonic homosexuality” means?

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Outtake

So if you happened to have caught my first attempt at video blogging then surely you noticed that I looked quite uncomfortable.

As in if you didn’t know any better you would’ve thought I had just been pulled over by the police for running a stop sign while drinking…with  no pants on.

That said, I’m making a real effort to get better. Namely because being able to be comfortable in front of the camera usually means a boost in pay grade. That’s the reason I actually majored in broadcast journalism in college, but somewhere along the way I lost a clue. I’m trying to get it back, though.

Another entry with a subsequent second attempt at video blogging will be up very soon, but in the meantime I found an outtake I shot at my last apartment before moving.

It includes a heaux-ish (credit for adding “heaux” into my lexicon goes to Chase N. Cashe)  jig. In jest, of course. Ya’ll know I keeps all types of classy ’round here.

Anyhow, here’s attempt 1 1/2:

Outtake from Young Sinick on Vimeo.

That’s all you get for free. Dropping  it and swinging from under a rail at the club (true story) only come with loads of joyful beverages…or charitable donations via Paypal. I’m no fool.

In the meantime I’m going to go write this other entry and then get up on some work. You all enjoy this and please adhere to the main theme of the video: Tell someone else about this here site. Help me help myself be great(er).

She’s White + Liberal, How Dare You Call Her Racist

I first learned of writer Lisa Solod Warren’s article, “Two Black Role Models Done In By Hubris” via Twitter yesterday.

I opted not to read it because forgive me, I didn’t feel like listening to a middle-aged white woman’s thoughts about how two purported uppity Negroes and their overinflated egos were doing a disservice to the little black boys across the country. What makes her so concerned anyway? Does Ms. Warren have a general understanding about the plight of black men or a yearning for attention and the chutzpah to write the sort of insidious piece that would surely get?

I’ll let you decide on your own as we move along.

This morning I read the article and I found it every bit as disingenuous and flat out insulting as one could expect. To be fair to Warren, if she were going to assail two black men for having egos she sure made wise choices.

As much as I hate to add any validity to this trite piece Barack Obama and Tiger Woods share noted arrogance to their personas. I know what you’re thinking and I’m with you: It is so surprising to find that a politician and an overpaid athlete come across as highly overconfident. Heavens to megatroid, next thing you’ll tell me is that blonds are more successful than brunets and that you just can’t trust a big butt and a smile.

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Does Dorrough Hate Christmas?

I actually don’t mind Dorrough. Much of that has to do with his song “Ice Cream Paint Job” was pretty much the only song by a southern rapper I could expect to hear in a Cali club. A lot of that had to do with the song playing with themes people in California appreciate, but hey I take what I can get out here. With respect to my Texas brethren this video is some bullshit.

What happened to hot hip-hop flipped Christmas songs like “Player’s Ball” and “Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto?”

Did we really need another reminder of how bad things have gotten?

It hasn’t really felt like Christmas for me out in LA (when it’s warm and sunny, how can you feel it really?) and this video only makes me look forward to St. Patrick’s Day (which I don’t celebrate). But since Dallas’ own wants to invoke the Christmas spirit in our hearts and ringtones, I’ll play along.

Since he’s talking about his wants for Christmas, here are a few of mine:

I want…

People to come up with new shit to talk about. Tell me you aspire for more than just a yellow bone chick with a face like Mya.

Video girls who can actually dance. People still do train for that (even if it’s watching The Players Club or YouTube), right?

A new word besides bitch to describe women. Perhaps something innovative like “female,” “woman,” “girl,” “lady,” person without a penis.

For that dude with the candy cane to sit down. And stay there, if you could be so kind, sir.

Cheap uninspiring videos to go away.

Less references to someone’s baby mama. Propose or pick up birth control and condoms.

For people who know damn well they can’t make a decent holiday track to stick to what they do best.

That’s all I got because quite frankly, this video isn’t worth anything else.

Santa’s going to leave a warrant on this dude’s Christmas tree for this bullshit.

Pop under the hood for real holiday songs.

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Way To Go, Waka Flocka

My first instinct after watching this video was to drop it, drop it, drop it low and immediately pray to God for all of humanity. The second was to go outside, look for a falling star and if I’m lucky to spot one send out a wish that all of these men were sterile. After that I couldn’t think of anything but sigh.

I’m still not quite sure what the hell a Waka Flocka is, but the more I see it the more I despise it. One thing is for certain: There’s an obvious reason why so many of his searched images are of him in red. That reason makes me all the more angry, sad, and a bit hopeless. The last thing I needed to see after writing repeatedly about the recession (may The Recession Diaries rest in peace) is to view a video of a seemingly uneducated young black man championing gang activity – especially one whose since taken to rapping as a career choice.

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No, No This Is More Interesting

I’m into sassy old white women, so naturally I’ve been a long time fan of Barbara Walters. But sadly I saw myself bored out of my mind watching her Most Fascination People of 2009 special last week. Sarah Palin…again? I’ve heard people talking about eating deer, coon, and alley cats for years so moose chili doesn’t really shock me. There are erratic, racist, xenophobic white people into alcohol abuse all across the country so what makes Glenn Beck so special? I like Michelle Obama, so no shade will be thrown her way, but really Babs, this list was the best you could do?

Since nice week is officially over I’d rather go back to norm. With that in mind here’s my list for what’s been the most fascinating to me in 2009.

Rihanna’s Barbadian Breasts

If you’ve read this site long enough chances are you’re well aware that I’m far from a breast man. Yet, I can’t help but be curious about Rihanna’s boobs because every time I open my Web browser I see her braless ass in front of me. OK, so she has a nice body – including her tits – but why have I seen her breasts more this year than my own dick?  Is she happy that they’re there? Is there something different about them that forces her to show them each and every time she does major press? Do her breasts have the answer to the meaning of life? Whatever the case, numb nipples obviously finds them fascinating so I’m choosing to spotlight them. Hopefully after she gets the attention she so desperately craves maybe someone will hand her a bra on January 1, 2010 at 12:01 a.m.

Joe Lieberman’s Jaw

Why hasn’t anyone punched it yet? I don’t understand why this back peddling jack ass has so much clout. Does he have some sort of deep secret hanging over Harry Reid’s head and jello-like spine? Whatever the case may be he’s officially making it worse for everyone else. When will Democrats be over this elf for good?

Kelis’ Lawyer

They were married for two whooping years and as a result she’s getting $40,000 in alimony and $10,000 in child support. Please help me understand why this is fair. And do give me her lawyers number. Should ya’ll get a clue and let gays marry and I lose my mind and decide to ever marry I want her in my camp. I’ll be damned once I make it someone bleed me dry like that.

Edit: A commentator has informed me Kelis and Nas were married for six years. That said, I still think $50,000 is a bit much.

Everyone that has anything to do with Chris Brown

This list includes:

1. His mother for enabling him on Larry King and in life.

2. Those dancers who talk shit about Rihanna on Twitter (great for PR) knowing they’re doing so because they want him to duck walk on their faces.

3. The person who even allowed him to get on Twitter unmonitored.

4. The person who dressed him in that wretched red sweater for the first apology video.

5. His anger management coach. Clearly they’re unlicensed.

6. His English teachers. They deserve time.

7. These other employees who are rumored to be dissing Rihanna during his “fan appreciation tour.”

8. His publicist, who is obviously a Rihanna stan.

9. The person who handed Chris Brown that bowtie. Best thing to come out of his 90 interviews.

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Me Being Nice

Do you all really think I hate everyone and everything?

Someone suggested such, but if you’re a long time reader you should know that is totally untrue. I like each of you for reading about all of the people who irritate me for whatever reason. And I like you even more if you agree with why I dislike whomever I’m talking about.

Kidding, well, not really, but I don’t mind if you post a discerning opinion on my site (hint, hint…some of you longtime readers).

Anyhow, just because I have something to say about someone in a given instance doesn’t mean I hate them at all. Granted, I am harsh in my criticism but that’s a reflection of my upbringing (cue the “woo, woo, woos”) not necessarily any particular contempt about a given celebrity, politician, or village idiot.

Now one legitimate criticism about me (hi, you) is that I never completely compliment the people I routinely jab at. When I have tried in the past I’ve noticed most people feel that it reads insincere. I can’t be mad at that because it often is.

So, I’ve decided to give myself a challenge: To offer some genuine level of praise to the ten most bashed people on this site.

That way no one can say all I do is clown these folks.

Some of them I like about as much as jock itch, others I don’t really have anything particular against. Ya’ll know I get at everyone – including myself – if I feel the urge to. Still, I’ve been mean to some people and THAT’S NOT NICE!

And on a blog called The Cynical Ones, shouldn’t kindness reign supreme?

OK, after you laugh at that question peep under the hood and watch me get my nice guy on:

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