Do They Have Dumbbells In Hell?
Yesterday I finally made my way back to the gym to build on my three new muscles only to end my night inhaling a red velvet cupcake from Crumbs.
I asked folks on Twitter should I indulge in my dessert desires and an overwhelming majority of the replies were like, “YES. GIVE IN.”
Or more bluntly: “I don’t even know why this is a question worth asking. Of course your skinny ass should order a cupcake. Hell, order three.”
Thinphobia aside, I ended up getting one so I know a hard workout later is in order.
I’m always looking for ways to build on my slim and sessy, but after watching this video I’m tempted to go on the cupcake diet just for the hell out of it.
Speaking of hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if the person behind this nifty little number ends up there.
Please watch this entire video, ya’ll. You must witness the “Beyonce move,” the “Stomp Satan Lower” shimmy, and the soulless soul clap for yourselves.
This guy, who looks like a mentally challenged ex-choir director, is teaching white folks how to dance both the devil and the extra pounds away.
I know what you’re thinking because I asked myself the same question: Is Donnie McClurkin’s closet cut buddy for real with the sanctified slide?
Christopher Page is selling his sanctify your way to sexiness for 14.95 on the Web . Who’s about to Paypal themselves to both prosperity and past the plus-size section at the store? Gon’ and “walk in the spirit” (or in homie’s cass, sass and strut in the spirit) if you want to, but don’t think this automatically means you’ll be jogging with Jesus in the future.
I’d rather spend that money on a bottle to make sense of all this. Or to pay someone to tell me what Chris’ left eye is looking at in this clip.
And folks got on me for dancing to “God In Me” screwed and chopped. Don’t worry, I believe in forgiveness (I know you liked that song, too). Still, I don’t believe in building biceps to Beyonce…at least not like this.
Jesus is probably somewhere putting extra butter on his biscuit and shaking his head in shame. Stop using the Lord’s name to come up, people. That ain’t right.
For this Negro’s sins I hope he wakes up in Transfat tomorrow.
Edit: Ya’ll, the genius behind this new exercise regimen Tweeted me writing:
@youngsinick Please check out the official videos. That other video was not approved lol http://tinyurl.com/yhvvtc9
His name of course, is @sanctifiedslide.
Because he’s such a good sport, here is the official video:
I still think God does Tae Bo, but there you go.
ANONYMOUS
December 9, 2009 at 10:40 am
You are so mean! LOL
Brown Suga
December 9, 2009 at 12:22 pm
Why Mike Why!!
CShanelle
December 9, 2009 at 4:51 pm
LMBO! You are clearly ignoring the rhythmic genius that is my homie in the white. You are just jealous because they are jigging BETTER than Beyonce and stomping the Devil lower when they do it. Stop the hate, Sinick. Stop the hate.
babygirlja
December 9, 2009 at 5:15 pm
I cannnot. Using the lord’s name for a check. SMH
At least he didn’t say get low on the devil.
Ricky
December 9, 2009 at 5:44 pm
Cshanelle, I was just about to mention that the white dude in the back was killin it! Eat your heart out, Billy Blanks!
sunshyne84
December 9, 2009 at 7:11 pm
*screams then walks in the spirit*
Cjoke
December 10, 2009 at 3:43 pm
I am an avid reader, 1st time commenter, i couldn’t let this go with out letting the words come from my mouth. however….i could not let my man in the back with his clearly coordinated and tucked n for safety and maximum movement outfit go without praising him. Why won’t yall let Chet Mc Afee from accounting be great?!!
That is all.
Thanks,
Management
Carey
December 10, 2009 at 4:19 pm
I feel like I should hit the gym after looking at that cupcake. A cupcake store recently opened about 10 minutes away from me and it’s taken all my willpower not to visit.
mellovirgo89
December 10, 2009 at 9:52 pm
why just…..i can’t laugh no mo….sigh
Nat
December 15, 2009 at 3:12 pm
they coulda, shoulda just got Brother Franklin to do this and called it a day
C.
December 21, 2009 at 9:24 am
that “HeeHAW!” and “Come on Lucay!” at 8:16 sent me into a coma