Pausing The Pausers

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I don’t get heterosexual men who go out of their way to point out seemingly homosexual behavior.

Like the Pause Police. Isn’t it gay in itself to be fishing for anything that seems “gay?” Shouldn’t the pause police pause itself?

Before they lock themselves up for their own criminal acts can they send these two to whatever fictitious gay jail they’re supposed to go to?

Riddle me this: If you see something that makes you uncomfortable what do you do? Do you look away? Do you forget it ever happen? Do you say “eww” like a six-year-old and then move on?

Or do you grab your Web cam and make a video out of something that supposedly bothers you beyond belief? And if you do shoot for the latter option, how does viewing said nasty behavior in slow motion helping you cope? Why would you go out of your way to do this? You know, since it troubles your spirit so much.

After you answer those questions for me can you then explain what exactly “Masonic homosexuality” means?

Is that that new-new? As in some new revelation never heard of before? Oh em gee, folks. Is the Devil gay?! You mean to tell me that the then angel Lucifer was booted from heaven for other reasons besides being jealous of God and trying to drum up trouble? Was Luci-Lu actually banished for trying to blow another male angel’s harmonica? I’m asking because Masons are like devil worshipers, right?

So that in itself explains why Lebron is giving his teammate a preview of the after after party? Because Jay-Z made him a Mason and Satan made Hov a Mason and since Masons are gay they do gay shit like that in the video?

Is your brain ready to retire yet? Mine is so that means I better fall back down to Earth before it’s too late.

“Look at this 6-foot, 8 faggot.”

Really? This coming from a man who watched this in slow motion with another man. I would hate to stereotype, but is anyone else thinking those two went and made their own clip following the conclusion of this little production?

I truly want to understand why so many “straight men” are enamored with anything that seems gay. No shade to you straight people, but I take no interest in heterosexual sexual eruptions. If I could use any word to describe my reaction to them it would be the word “ick.”

I’m half-kidding, but I think you understand what I’m getting at. I don’t go out of my way to fish for something that supposedly repulses me. Why are these two and so many (many!) black purportedly heterosexual men like them not following suit?

Take a moment on that and then follow me along to my next inquiry: Obviously gay men who think the world hasn’t a clue. What prayer do I need to say in order to save them from themselves?

The other night I had a housewarming. Someone there, who I know (who may one day read this site and if they do, bygones, but I’m not lying so…) questioned me at the end of the evening if anyone “knew about him.”

Translation: None of those female friends of yours think I’m gay, right?

Oh no, of course not. Heavens to megatroid. Why would they think such a thing? I mean, you’re dressed all “thuggish” and Alpha-black male like. You look like “trade” and in no way could “trade” ever appear that way.

Nu uh. Not even.

The minute that person arrived someone pulled me to the side to ask if he was gay. I, politely declined to answer but you want to know why they wondered?

Because despite this person’s posturing and costuming he had what looked like to many as some tattoo that only someone like Mariah Carey would get. It looked like a butterfly. I got the urge to turn on “Honey” after spotting it. Considering that song’s subject matter, it’s actually a very appropriate tune for the occasion.

However, in this person’s mind they hadn’t a clue, he just wanted to be sure because he thought one of my friends wanted to holla.

Bless his heart. And his tattoo artist. She did not. At all.

You couldn’t tell him nothing, though.

In hindsight, me being so forthright about, well, everything, probably has alienated me among many in my age group and shared melanin count – especially those who don’t rock a tiara, couldn’t pronounce Louboutin, and is irritated by Beyonce (the horror) but still very much adhere to the qualifications for membership to Team Peen.

I’ve kind of accepted such already, but as we move forward into a new decade I don’t know how much more of this nonsense I can take. Men watching other men in “gay-esque” positions and gay men trying to “look straight” to get the attention of a woman who not only had a boyfriend, but already suspects he may have one, too. It’s nuts. No pun intended.

Don’t even get me started on what my friend has dubbed the “straight gay” dudes. Another day, another post…which will likely turn into a book.

In sum: All of these folks are crazy and I hope a doctor prescribes each and every one of them to start staying at least  50 feet away from January 1, 2010 and beyond.


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