So last week’s video blog was not the blog I was referring to when I said a new one was on the way.
As it turns out, I ended up punking out on posting the second one. Why? Because I felt it was too personal, showed me owning up to certain flaws that I still grapple with acknowledging. And to put it bluntly I felt it was too damn personal.
As in: Ya’ll don’t need to know [that] much about me. Then I spoke with a good friend over the weekend and he let me know that he actually saw the other video blog. How? Silly me: Once you upload something to Vimeo, there is the option for people to see all of the other videos you’ve uploaded.
What was so bad about the video? Well, its accompanying post seem so self-indulgent, superficial, and way too “me, me, me.” Those are all qualities I prefer people who know me personally to come to love and appreciate about me.
But bottom line the post and the video blog addressed something about me that is still tough to correct: How I deal with stress.
After the death of my grandmother and pa-pa in six months, I still had to contend with the fact at the time that I was back at home – a place I never saw myself returning to after graduating from college. Turning down opportunities that I once upon a time dreamed of, coupled with stress from loans and my own huge expectations for self became a bit overwhelming.
Ya’ll know my history with barbers. They collectively seem to hate me. Forever ruining my already weird hair line and throwing shade to my once natural curl. Thankfully, the curl is kind of played but I know you feel me. Anyhow, the point of the original post as it was typed was to say that it wasn’t just the barbers anymore – it was me. I was stressing myself out to the point where I started to look smaller and my hair in one spot thinned out. And whenever it would start to grow back either another barber screwed it up or I ruined my own self by overly stressing again.
Someone wrote me a few weeks ago asking if I’ve improved on being stressed out since one post I wrote earlier in the year. Yes and no and I’ll leave it at that.
Anyhow, my hair is not falling out in pieces and I don’t think I’ll need to be purchasing a lace front anytime soon. The men in my family don’t go bald and even if they did I’d probably buy some hair and Elmer’s that shit on my scalp with no shame. What really bothers me the most is that I allowed it to even get that remotely bad at one point in my life.
Now let’s just get this over with. The video isn’t even that big a deal, honestly, but I did get the “hell no” response soon after.
Here it goes:
See. I’m a big boy now. And shit.
One day my adopted children from Chicago and Croatia are going to look back on this and laugh as they hand me my brush.
Someone else I enjoy hit me via email and said I seem “perfect” based on my writing. I thought I was pretty good at self-deprecating humor but obviously not. Hopefully this helps.
OK, I expect folks to eventually bring this post up when I say something about someone they don’t like. That’s fine. I’ll clown you all the same.
It’s all good now, though, because I know what to do.
1. Stop going to barbers who think my natural hairline spit on their mama.
2. Chill the hell out. Acknowledge I have high goals but spazzing over not achieving every little detail at light speed is the end of my career.
Hopefully this acknowledgement helps someone versus making me look incredibly…I don’t know, words I wouldn’t want to be describe as.
P.S. I had to shoot this back up video so I might as well share this, too:
Oh and the bolded parts are links and pictures. You know, in case you missed that. Smile.