What Did Jesus Do To Deserve This?

Why are people being so mean to Jesus lately? Whether or not you claim him to be your savior is one thing, but c’mon nah, show some respect. It’s not like he used to record duets with Ja Rule. This is a nice person. Someone who spoke of love, tolerance, and charity. Why the exploitation? Better yet why the exploitation in the seediest of ways?

That exercise video is one thing. At the very least one could argue, “Hey, they’re trying to get you fit for God.” You wouldn’t want to meet the creator with sausage sandwich and shame on your breath, now would you? See…I can find the silver lining.

Not with everything, though, and this video would be an example of such. One of these two must refer to Lucifer as his favorite uncle. That’s the only way I can rationalize this nonsense.

“Jesus Christ Bail Bonds?”

Really? Is that how we’re bastardizing Christianity these days? Your grandma would likely refer to me as a “polite heathen” while whispering, but I bet she wouldn’t flat out call me the Devil as I would never pull some mess like this. I was raised better.

I wish I could pass this off as satire, but such scenario is inconceivable because I think these fools are dead serious. “GEE-SUS BALE BONS.” What’s next? Allah’s All You Can Eat Hot Links? (If you’re wondering, yes, I wish I had some turkey sausage around.)

Nah, that’s not going to happen. A Nigerian terrorist with homies in Yemen probably spooked that idea out of people. I’m surprised Christians haven’t started to place the fear in the hearts of these two clowns (like they used to do). Jesus was nice, but I thought it was implied that God will turn your body into its own personal Hiroshima if you got too far out of pocket.

I hope there’s a short yellow bus to hell service running. I’d gladly pay the fares for these two.


  1. Taj says:

    Well he said he was a bishop. I think he was just looking for a way to attract attention to his business. And it worked, didn’t it? Now if he was the devil’s best friend or an Atheist, that would be more disrespectful. But as I kept watching, I definitely got the impression that these are Christians running a Christian business. Of course it was humorous, I believe it was meant to be.

    I`m not arguing that it people don`t have the right to be uncomfortable about using a diety`s image to popularize a business. Its a bit distasteful, but it wasn’t done to embarrass the image used. Who do Christians call when they get in a jam? Jesus. It made sense for what he was trying to do. In essence, they’re doing the same thing that churches do; making monetary gain off similar beliefs. Except they have to pay taxes…

  2. Huey Freeman says:

    HAHAHAHAHA! I refuse to watch the video, but I’m laughing anyway. Does Jesus get royalties for them using his name?

    And “Allah’s All You Can Eat Hot Links” needs to be PORK hot links good enough to give the Frenchy’s on Scott a run for its money. One can’t make links out of turkey. That’s blasphemy!