When I first learned of proposed legislation in Uganda in what’s since been branded the “Kill the Gays” bill I honestly wrote it off as nothing more than evidence that many of our African brethren are still quite primitive in their way of thinking.
Of course, being an American that’s the pot calling the kettle black. We’re not exactly the progressive society we posture ourselves to be either, but at least we’ve moved beyond using political power to push for some sort of homo holocaust. Well, some of us anyway.
Yesterday I finally made my way back to the gym to build on my three new muscles only to end my night inhaling a red velvet cupcake from Crumbs.
I asked folks on Twitter should I indulge in my dessert desires and an overwhelming majority of the replies were like, “YES. GIVE IN.”
Or more bluntly: “I don’t even know why this is a question worth asking. Of course your skinny ass should order a cupcake. Hell, order three.”
Thinphobia aside, I ended up getting one so I know a hard workout later is in order.
I’m always looking for ways to build on my slim and sessy, but after watching this video I’m tempted to go on the cupcake diet just for the hell out of it.
Speaking of hell, I wouldn’t be surprised if the person behind this nifty little number ends up there.
Please watch this entire video, ya’ll. You must witness the “Beyonce move,” the “Stomp Satan Lower” shimmy, and the soulless soul clap for yourselves.
This guy, who looks like a mentally challenged ex-choir director, is teaching white folks how to dance both the devil and the extra pounds away.
I know what you’re thinking because I asked myself the same question: Is Donnie McClurkin’s closet cut buddy for real with the sanctified slide?
Christopher Page is selling his sanctify your way to sexiness for 14.95 on the Web . Who’s about to Paypal themselves to both prosperity and past the plus-size section at the store? Gon’ and “walk in the spirit” (or in homie’s cass, sass and strut in the spirit) if you want to, but don’t think this automatically means you’ll be jogging with Jesus in the future.
I’d rather spend that money on a bottle to make sense of all this. Or to pay someone to tell me what Chris’ left eye is looking at in this clip.
And folks got on me for dancing to “God In Me” screwed and chopped. Don’t worry, I believe in forgiveness (I know you liked that song, too). Still, I don’t believe in building biceps to Beyonce…at least not like this.
Jesus is probably somewhere putting extra butter on his biscuit and shaking his head in shame. Stop using the Lord’s name to come up, people. That ain’t right.
For this Negro’s sins I hope he wakes up in Transfat tomorrow.
Edit: Ya’ll, the genius behind this new exercise regimen Tweeted me writing:
@youngsinick Please check out the official videos. That other video was not approved lol http://tinyurl.com/yhvvtc9
His name of course, is @sanctifiedslide.
Because he’s such a good sport, here is the official video:
Upon further listens of her mixtape and viewings of her performances online, I think I like Nicki Minaj.
I’m sorry, but I just can’t get, “Young money, red flag, no more auditions. ASK LIL’ WAYNE WHO THE FIVE STAR BITCH IS!” out of my head.
Sorry for the caps, but I wanted you to know that I just sang it in my head as I typed it.
There’s something about her that’s somewhat annoying yet as previously mentioned, very much intriguing.
Not to mention while back at home I noticed that Nicki’s appeal is expanding.
While at a club they played the remix to “5 Star Chick” and people (OK, me and the person behind me) were annoyed that they didn’t play Nicki’s part.
And then while at Target one day I spotted some teenager blasting Nicki’s mixtape from her headphones. Like it or not, ya’ll, her time is coming. Female rappers haven’t been viable for much of the decade. This girl is about to flip that around in the next.
So given that I never want to behind on what’s going on in pop culture and all I took it upon myself to figure out what’s been one of my biggest hurdles in getting her: Understanding those words that come out of her mouth.
Calling it the “Nictionary,” her fan page breaks it down for the people who paid attention in English class.
Official Secret Society Barbie Statement :
I’m a GIRL \ and I’m RICH \ its BARBIE \ YOU little BITCH!!!!!
My first instinct was to immediately hit the red X and run back to my copy of Hardcore.
But folks, I refuse to be old at 25. I just can’t. Nicki is about to turn 25, which means I should still be able to get it…or at least, fake it when my nieces are old enough to quote this girl back to me (and I tell them to go read a book or something).
One reason I stopped following Nicki on Twitter is because once you start reading her timeline you get the idea of what a brain aneurysm must feel like it.
Now I have help and since I don’t like to suffer alone, I’m passing this off to you, too.
I owe Rihanna a heap of praise for her new album. When I initially listened to Rated R no particular track stuck out to me the way her collection of singles called Good Girl Gone Bad did. Then it hit me that for once, the girl actually decided to be cohesive in theme during the recording process and offer something that actually resembles a real album – an anomaly these days, particularly among those in her age group.
Sounding a lot more confident vocally (at least in the studio anyway) and amassing a team of writers and producers to piece together the darker direction she’s opted to go in Rihanna has managed to release something that proves that she can be more than merely a singles artist.
But chances are you wouldn’t be thinking about that because you’re partaking in the Chris Brown backlash or completely turned off by the hoe shit antics.
I am not a fan of pants that offer uninvited bear hugs to your balls so in no way do I endorse skinny jeans.
I typically wear my pants looser. I just prefer my sac not be stuffed is all. That and I can’t really drop it, drop it low in them if I felt the urge to.
However, when I hear homophobic reasons as to why you shouldn’t wear a certain fit of jeans, I almost want to try to wear those things just to piss people off.
I should’ve known not to listen to this video because it repeats all of the things that make me wish I had sterilizer spray.
Like the notion that television – specifically reality TV – is somehow steadily turning kids into future sluts. Sluts who apparently are tolerant of folks different than them.
Say that, 40 Glocc on TV:
“Being gay is cool. Being bisexual is cool. It’s cool for men to have purses. It’s cool for men to have these tight pants on. They got this unisex thing now where boys can wear what the girls are wearing.”
What is he watching? I see Dwight and Derek J. on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, but that show doesn’t exactly make the masses scream, “I WANNA SEE THEM TWO GET MURRIED.”
And then he says:
“Killing don’t have anything to do with being a faggot.”
2. Does J.Lo realize the fall on her ass at the AMAs won’t hurt nearly as bad as the flip flop her album does on the charts?
3. Is Susan Boyle’s voice [that] Earth shattering or are people more stuck on the fact that something that sounded even remotely pretty came out of her mouth?
4. Either way, are you happy that someone without a lace front, Autotune, or rapper to donate 16 bars on a given track that doesn’t know how to cram their coochie in front of the camera sold so many units?
5. Anyone else now more concerned about Alicia Keys cheating on soul music than with Mashonda’s husband?
6. Can I get a show of hands about who’s been disappointed in President Obama lately?
7. Did someone bounce a check to Rihanna’s hair stylist?
8. Are my ears deceiving me or are the two and a half female rappers left all trying to rhyme like Nicki Minaj?
9. With word of cast members of The Real Housewives of New Jersey going to court over a weave snatching incident, who else is happy that the most hood edition of the series doesn’t involve the colored folk? (No shade, white people. Smile.)
10. Which do you think is harder: Lil’ Kim sticking to one face or Nicki Minaj choosing only one fake accent to speak/spit in?
11. Why do athletes and entertainers make it so easy for jump offs to come up?
12. If Usher drops one more weak leaked track should he just give it up and apply to be Chris Brown’s life coach?
13. Speaking of Chris Brown, since he can’t seem to stop talking about “the incident” with the press, how long before he starts giving interviews to high school newspaper editors and Girl Scouts?
14. Is this Mario and/or J.Holiday’s future?
15. Couldn’t Jay Leno be Khloe Kardashian’s father?
16. Does it even matter now that Justin Timberlake wants to express “regret” for not being there for Janet after the Superbowl controversy five years after the fact?
17. Can someone explain to me what the hell a Tila Tequila is and why it still gets any sort of media attention?
18. Describe the relationship between Mo’Nique and your ear drums.
19. What’s Al thinking in this picture?
20. Why does everyone and their color blind mama think they’re a stylist these days?
When I wrote my review for I Am…Sasha Fierce, I pointed out how skeptical I was about Beyonce’s sincerity over how much she really opened up with her third solo offering, writing:
That’s why no matter how many times she calls it the “most personal album she’s ever done,” I Am…Sasha Fierce is nothing more than a continuation of the same format used to create her solid debut album and even stronger sophomore offering. Try as she might to parade her catchy and often clever songs as something innovative, her sound is usually a representation of what’s hot at the time – only executed better.
There’s nothing wrong with that, but the methodology won’t get Beyonce the respect she wants. Neither will it make the schmaltzy acoustic-driven ballads found on the first half of her double concept album seem any less impersonal than they are.
And last night I find out she nets an Album of the Year nomination for my least favorite album of her collection. Along with nods for Record and Song of the Year, therein getting the respect she wants.
Expect more updates soon (and by soon, I mean as in likely today, tomorrow, and Friday), but in the meantime, I guest blogged on my favorite site of all time today.
Forgive me, but I’m always baffled by people who buy into these random conspiracy theories. Over the past month or so the day jobs have forced me to focus on the Illuminati, the Devil, and Ursula the Sea Witch in light of growing speculation that Jay-Z, Rihanna, and Beyonce are all a part of some Satantic cult that’s given them the keys to super-stardom.
And it seems all one has to do is watch a video like this and suddenly you start embracing the nonsensical paranoid person within. I looked at this video – well, listened to it (I multi-task) – and my only reaction was, “Someone spent 8 minutes putting this video together?!”
Then I asked myself, “Am I really going to spend 8 whole minutes watching this?”
No. I turned it off. My Firefox crashed soon after. Don’t fret, though. Trust me that browser crashes harder than most addicts.
This video made me think of my friend who told me about a girl who swears that Beyonce and Jay-Z are Satanists. Her proof? Someone wrote it in an email.
I could write Bow Wow got Omarion’s left butt cheek pregnant from a Yahoo account named “I lie like Kracee” and I guarantee some fool would start forwarding it to everyone in their address book like it’s the gospel.
Which points to some inconvenient truths: A lot of people are gullible and even more of them are stupid. It’s impolite to point out, but no less true.
There are people living in Oak Tree and Landfill, South Carolina who will swear on the lives of their child that Obama is a Muslim because somebody who drank too much Boone’s Farm said so while they were pumping gas during the campaign. And there are some out there who will try to convince you that they see 2 Pac every Sunday at the Magic Johnson theater off Crenshaw. You know, because even when you’re faking your own death you can’t turn down their matinee prices.
As for this video I saw someone write that this theory must be true because how else could Rihanna get a deal? Shade aside, if Rihanna sold her soul to Satan she got ripped off. See reports of first week sales of Rated R and last week’s round of performances of “Russian Roulette.”
I looked over the site The Industry Exposed, which pieced together this video. I noticed that they’re asking for Paypal donations from readers. Shocker. It pays to play on people’s fears.
If you do so happen to believe that Jay-Z slobbed Satan’s snob for superstar status, riddle me this: If it’s such a big secret and the group is so powerful why are people allowed to write about it? The devil doesn’t have a confidentiality clause? And shouldn’t the devil be trying to link up with more powerful people like Miley Cyrus?
I could go on but the more I type about this the more I feel like my brain might run from my head. In all seriousness, though, please tell me none of you all actually believe this stuff?
