Pastors and Pistols

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While Scooby Doo and the Mystery Machine investigate non-existent clues to prove Jay-Z has signed Satan to Roc Nation, there’s a preacher out in the world telling his congregation how to load a gun. If you’re asking yourself what would Jesus do, go with whatever answer that’s closest to not talking about hallow point bullets during service.

This folks is Pastor Tony Smith, no doubt yet another name in the growing list of false idols who will soon meet God’s fists.

I would love to elaborate on more of what the not so good reverend had to say about the importance of knowing how to load a gun during church, but I can’t really make out what he’s saying.

If my screen had a scratch and sniff option for this video I don’t doubt for a second it wouldn’t smell like fatback, scrapple, and 70 years ago.

As it turns out, there are other videos out there of the NRA’s clergyman of choice that are a bit easier to make out.

Jesus be a Joe Jackson ass whooping.

The man has a point about people making Michael into some deity, but damn did he have to throw shade at the King of Pop? You would think Diane Diamond was sitting front now.

As for his Chrihanna commentary, yikes. I bet I don’t sound as harsh now, huh?

Oh, Pastor has more to say.

Why is he so angry?

And misogynistic (then again, look what he’s quoting)?

By now you’re likely asking yourself, “Harpo, who this n**** (could be the n-word or the n-word that got Harry, no Henderson, in trouble)?”

I checked out Pastor Smith’s Web site and here’s part of his bio:

Although Pastor Smith did not receive any theological training, he has become one of God’s chosen weapons in the war on sin. Pastor Smith has become a father figure, a leader, a teacher and a friend to hundreds of people all over the world. Through the aid of technology, God has blessed his ministry to extend across the world, and to touch the lives of many individuals several of whom he has never met.

Pastor Smith has been blessed with the tongue of the learned in the Word of God which has allowed him to draw to holiness men and women of all ages, ethnicities and backgrounds. Due to his “no nonsense” style of ministering and determination to put a difference between holy and unholy, Pastor Smith has developed a strong following. He is known for his strict Bible teaching and high standard of behavior not only for himself, but also for his members.

In other words he basically picked up a Bible one day and decided he was a pastor. No wonder he sounds like he’d beat the love of Christ into you with a steel bat. I don’t encourage stealing, but I wouldn’t be mad if someone went out to his church, took some money of the collection jar (I doubt they have a plate) and went out and got him some St. John’s Wort.

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