The Five Dumbest Reasons To Defend John Mayer
Only a week or so ago was I trying to explain to a friend why I wasn’t all that fond of John Mayer. Musically, he’s a good guitarist and a so-so vocalist. In short: He sings like he’s gargling. Mayer’s artistry aside, he always comes across as a jackass in interviews. The sort of guy who likes to be incendiary because he feels it makes him look “cool.” That’s always a telling sign of someone who didn’t grow up with many friends or much attention. Once folks like Mayer get it they do and say whatever to keep it. It’s often hard to separate John Mayer the artist from John Mayer the verbal toilet because the later is so hell bent on outshining the former.
That brings me to his now already infamous Playboy interview, where Mayer gives me another reason to contemplate embracing the term “douche bag.”
If you haven’t read it, here are my oh-so-favorite parts of the interview:
PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?
MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’”
PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.
MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.
PLAYBOY: Do black women throw themselves at you?
MAYER: I don’t think I open myself to it. My dick is sort of like a white supremacist. I’ve got a Benetton heart and a fuckin’ David Duke cock. I’m going to start dating separately from my dick.
PLAYBOY: Let’s put some names out there. Let’s get specific.
MAYER: I always thought Holly Robinson Peete was gorgeous. Every white dude loved Hilary from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. And Kerry Washington. She’s superhot, and she’s also white-girl crazy. Kerry Washington would break your heart like a white girl. Just all of a sudden she’d be like, “Yeah, I sucked his dick. Whatever.” And you’d be like, “What? We weren’t talking about that.” That’s what “Heartbreak Warfare” is all about, when a girl uses jealousy as a tactic.
Before we go even further, let me point to some of the people who didn’t score high enough to come aboard the short yellow bus why some of us are perturbed my Mayer’s words.
Reason One: He throws out terms like “hood pass” and flexes his white privilege a little too strongly by going one step further by saying “nigger pass.”
Sorry, folks, but there are some out there who don’t think it’s OK for any white person to let the word nigger slide out of their pampered mouths just because they can.
Reason Two: He limits the black experience to the idea of struggling. He then has the nerve to liken his struggle to those of black men.
As a black man I can say without a doubt in my mind that this now wealthy musician no matter how he grew up’s experience mirrors that of a black man in America. This is what happens when you make three black friends and suddenly fall under the false impression that you know of what you speak.
Secondly, his idea of the black experience makes me more upset than anything else he had to say.
It’s a very limiting idea of black people and that’s dangerous. The mere fact that this guy could even try to sum the black experience in a single sentence is maddening enough. And that sort of sentiment trickles over into other facets of society beyond the realms of pop culture.
I guess since that comment didn’t involve dating or his dick a lot of people skimmed over it.
Pay attention you silly buffoons.
Reason Three: I don’t care if he has a preference. I wouldn’t fuck him, his mammy, cousin, or auntie. What irks me is that he used white supremacy as a punch line.
But as stupid as Mayer sounds in this interview I imagine he’ll cut a track with Mos Def and all will be forgiven. Already the mainstream press is more concerned about his musings about Jessica Simpson.
What grates me about this most of all is the sea of white apologists with black faces.
It’s twofold: People who didn’t bother to read the article in its entirety and those who may have very well read it but certainly didn’t comprehend much of it.
I see your excuses and I pity you for each of them.
But for the sake of the post let’s entertain some of them, shall we?
1. What about R. Kelly, rappers, and those of us who us the n-word? What about the men who disrespect black women every day?
Unless you drink from a sippy cup you’re too old to say some bullshit like this. Another person’s grievances don’t negate the other.
Besides, when it comes to black men disrespecting black women, where do you think they learned that from? Yes, mainstream rap can be grossly misogynistic but who consumes more than 80% of it? So: after they consume the product it becomes highly popular, which means record companies will make sure it dominates much of what the entire audience sees and hears.
But even if you don’t want to argue on that point, let me go back to the first: It’s childish as hell to say “well look what they’re doing.”
It’s OK to talk about black men who disrespect black women and people overall, but you can’t do the same about a white person?
I’ve seen people pontificate about the evils of white napkins yet suddenly they’ve got nothing to say about a guy making white supremacist jokes and lumping them and their brethren under one brush of struggle?
This is why it’s so easy to write off so many purported “pro-black” “thinkers,” “writers,” and loud mouths as nothing more than a gimmick.
You prove that when you finally get your chance to complain about something that relates to the source of your grief, you’ve got nothing to say.
This is not about seeking the validation of a sophomoric white man. It’s a realization that after much of what’s been accomplished, people still sum us up with one word: struggle. That’s fine if you don’t agree, but try not to limit everyone else who seeks to make this more about Mayer saying one stupid thing and rappers using the words “bitch and nigga.”
2. I don’t see anything wrong with him having a preference.
Like I said, he can have his preference but David Duke cock? He’s not funny, he’s not insightful, his points on race are not “acute” as the writer of this article tweeted, and overall David Duke dick for brains is a jackass.
3. At least he was being honest.
Since John Mayer brought him up, David Duke has always been quite vocal about his racial prejudices but that doesn’t make him any less of a racist twit, now does it? I honestly think you’re stupid if you think that fun fact makes any difference. See, I’m being honest and I bet those offended still rolled their eyes at me for it.
4. Don’t we have more important things to focus on like Haiti?
Generally speaking, whenever people talk about something and you tend to find those contrarians for convenience who seek to convey the sentiment that they don’t care or have more important matters to tend to. These people highly annoy me.
You don’t have to declare that you don’t care. Show us by not actually caring to bother chiming in at all.
For those that cared a little bit but not enough because they’re keeping up with Haiti, a special shut up goes out to you, too.
You can care about Haiti and still think John Mayer’s a dick for mumbling about his KKK penis. That’s the gift we call multi-tasking. If it escaped you, sorry, but don’t try to vilify the rest of us for having it.
5. We have a black president. Who cares what he says?
Yes, I actually saw this. The only people who can fix their mouths to say something like probably can’t even spell president without hurting themselves in the process.
As I tweeted earlier, I encourage some of you to check the wrong box on your Census form. Buy bleaching cream while you’re at it.
Ricky
February 10, 2010 at 5:15 pm
I see this was a take-no-prisoners type of post! I agree with you whole heartedly about the “we’ve got more important things to worry about” line of thought. Who on earth sets the priorities for EVERYBODY? And who says you can’t have an opinion on more than one thing at the same time? It’s a distraction of an argument and a waste of everyone’s time.
I don’t know that I’d call John Mayer racist, but what he said was highly offensive. Can you imagine if a European artist had said, “My d**k is like Osama Bin Laden. It’s a terrorist abhorred by American women. But my heart is the UN.” There’d be cries of anti-Americanism and teeth gnashing. If John REALLY wanted to piss off a minority group, he could’ve called his genitals Hitler…
Whitney
February 10, 2010 at 5:24 pm
LOOOOOOOVED everything you said. People are so quick to defend celebrities and challenge the people that comprehend what they say. John Mayer told us something in this interview: he’s a racist, sexist, privileged twit. It’s like when old people say “when people tell you who they are, believe them.” It’s annoying as hell when people say that his words don’t equal racism/sexism/ridiculousnessism.
And about those self-important people too busy to weigh in on matters of pop culture: STFU! I saw multiple tweets from people saying they didn’t care. If you don’t care, why have you tweeted about it twice? Silence is golden.
Zett
February 10, 2010 at 5:42 pm
GOD, I love it when Mike Arceneaux gets mad. Don’t get me wrong, I immensely enjoy the posts on shit like Ciara’s misguidedness & random ass southern jig material, but THISRIGHTHERE is why I think you’re a good writer. Points come startingly across in the easiest to absorb fashion. You’re like …turning the reader into a Bounty paper towel. The quicker (information) picker upper.
Send this shit to VIBE. They need to give yo ass more than a blurb column.
Spinster
February 10, 2010 at 6:19 pm
YES. YES. and HELL. YES. Enough said.
UpgradeYa
February 10, 2010 at 6:26 pm
You went IN! And I loved every word of it!
iman
February 10, 2010 at 6:31 pm
thanks for the post! nicely done!
TheDyv
February 10, 2010 at 6:55 pm
Superb..
Christian
February 10, 2010 at 8:01 pm
I just got into John Mayer too…I guess I’ll see my way out. You hit the nail on the hand as always…
Cooper
February 10, 2010 at 8:39 pm
Mr. Arceneaux, your writing is impeccable and I always look forward to reading your well-conceived outlooks on the events of the present-day.
Now on to business
John Mayer’s interview with playboy was a disaster to say the least. He came off as ignorant, racist, uncouth, and downright stupid. Where was his publicist to stop him while the shit was flying out of his mouth? For the most part, he seems to enjoy being an asshole, sexist, going against the grain. Now that very mindset has fucked his “color blind” image. And, it seemed as the more interviews he had done, the more he felt he had to escalate the “shock” factor.
As for the N-Word usage…..
Black people shouldn’t use the word and get mad when others do
Black people shouldn’t use the word and get mad when others do
Black people shouldn’t use the word and get mad when others do
You can’t put a word into the public vernacular, use it with friends/family/other people of your race and get mad when others use it. We as Afro Americans, as a whole, needs to realize that. This isn’t giving Mayer free reign, but people are so quick to check others when we need to check ourselves. Mayer’s “one black friend” (you know the friend that white people have a picture of so when some shit like this goes down they can quickly show it) should have corrected his ass when he used first used it around them, just to see if he could have gotten away with using it.
I didn’t like his Jessica Simpson bit either. Granted I don’t really care about her, but he was really rude and condescending towards their sexual relationship.
Christian
February 10, 2010 at 10:51 pm
*on the head lol (I know the adage)
Zett is right Mikey, you are scary good; you should send this stuff to SOMEBODY
@Cooper:
I know that Black Americans share some of the responsibility for spreading that stupid word, but John Mayer and other Whites should know that the word should NEVER come out of their mouths.
JoAnne
February 11, 2010 at 2:35 am
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I’m over it! Leave John alone.
YOLA
February 11, 2010 at 9:01 am
SHUT YOUR UGLY ASS UP JOANNE! WITH A NAME LIKE THAT IN 2010…..PROBABLY AN OLD FREAKY WHORE! STANNING FOR JOHN LIKE YOU’RE THIRTEEN! DAMN RANCID COOCHIE SLUT!! ^^^^^
Kristie
February 11, 2010 at 10:48 am
It sickens me because I was a fan of John Mayer since early the 2000′s. If feel as though the time and MONEY I spent on him was for nothing. Not to say that I excepted something more out of it besides good music (Even though Battle Studies was a bunch of bullshit).
I have to admit, I am more upset about his views on black women (because I am one) then I am of his use of the N-word. He doesn’t have to be attracted to us sexually but his does have to respect us as humans and fans (YES HE *DID* HAVE BLACK FEMALE FANS). Who the hell says “My dick is sort of like a white supremacist” and “David Duke cock”?
And when will white folk understand that we can say the N-word all day everyday but they can’t? It’s a double standards but it is what it is. As a female I’ve had to live with double standards all my life and I’ve learned to live with them (and on special situations have them work for me). White folk ain’t new to the game.
FattDoll
February 11, 2010 at 1:26 pm
Who is John Mayer??…He sounds like he needs his milk so he can go to bed. Lemmie call up Dr. Murray real quick!
J2201987
February 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I couldn’t care less about what he said. He’s not the first white person to appear to be slightly racist (or just a complete douche/dumbass) and he won’t be the last. And I’m actually surprised you took the time out to write a thesis on this f*ckery.
Crystal
February 11, 2010 at 2:43 pm
Excellent! Especially the quote: “…I imagine he’ll cut a track with Mos Def and all will be forgiven.”
I am waiting for the “black famous friend” to come and defend his horrid ass.
Laureli
February 11, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Hilarious as always, I can count on your blog for a good laugh and thought provocation. He should be ashamed for letting that garbage fall out his mouth.
Yola… your bring down the intelligence of the blog. Take the useless profanity elsewhere.
will
February 11, 2010 at 9:56 pm
I love the way that people are just blowing up about this!
@christian “I just got into John Mayer too…I guess I’ll see my way out.”
@kristie “It sickens me because I was a fan of John Mayer since early the 2000’s. If feel as though the time and MONEY I spent on him was for nothing.”
Though i must disclose i’m a fan, he’s clearly just trying to make some jokes, and failing… none of these comments have any malicious intent behind them. Everybody needs to keep their pants on.
as for @cooper “Black people shouldn’t use the word and get mad when others do” THAT i can agree with.
Kristie
February 12, 2010 at 10:48 am
@Will. So what would be a good reason to stop being a fan of his? He insulted me and my race all for the sake of a joke. If that’s the kind of jokes he’s has then he can keep them. He hasn’t had a good album out since Heavier Things. That right there is enough to leave him alone.
NoIdeaIsOriginal
February 12, 2010 at 11:10 am
I just started reading your blog, and I must say I love it! I will definitely be frequenting this site… Now on topic, from what I gathered about the whole “hood pass” quote (and I could be wrong) was that he was saying it’s silly to say he has one because if he did he’d be able to say “nigger” or “nigger pass” without repercussions… Should he have said it? No, but I don’t think that makes him a racist.
Does he sound like a jackass? Absolutely. He tried to be funny and it backfired on him completely. Do I care that he’s not checking for me, or women who look like me? No, not really. I never found him attractive anyway. I don’t think he had to say he has a “David Duke cock”, because I’d never say I have an “angela davis vajayjay”, but what do i care? As I said before, I’m not checking for his ass anyway. However, he had no business putting Kerry Washington out there like that. If I was her, I’d be a little upset.
sickwitit
February 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm
J2201987
February 11, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I couldn’t care less about what he said. He’s not the first white person to appear to be slightly racist (or just a complete douche/dumbass) and he won’t be the last. And I’m actually surprised you took the time out to write a thesis on this f*ckery.
__________________________________________________________________________
cosign 100% john mayer is not important, significant etc.
Whitney
February 13, 2010 at 12:45 pm
Wow @ NoIdeasOriginal. Angela Davis didn’t terrorize the white community. David Duke is a Klansman. No comparison.
noideaisoriginal
February 13, 2010 at 5:39 pm
Bottom line, I don’t think she was sleeping with white dudes. That was my point.
Tiffany
February 15, 2010 at 5:42 pm
We all know John Mayer is a tool, he’s proved that time and time again. He is the prototypical attention whore and and gets a tickle in his perinium everytime he sees his name in black and white. That being said, he really fucked himself royally this time. Personally, as a black woman I found the comments about his klan cock to be the most offensive. He was waxing poetic about his “nigger pass” but then turns right around and basically says that his wang is allergic to an entire socio-economical group. He needs more people. There are legions of white men just like him who are so proud of themselves for “understanding” and “embracing” black culture and sharing in the “struggle” of black people but would sooner die than be seen in public with a black woman (even the Kerry Washington’s of the world).
Frankly, in some circles he will never be able to live this down and that’s well deserved. The difference between adults and children is that adults are supposed to know when it’s appropriate to shut the fuck up and clearly he skipped that stage of development. I’m not necessarily calling the dude a racist, but he has to realize that he cannot make remarks so inflammatory and not be labeled a racist. My sympathy for him is lacking and I never liked his music anyway so when I read about it I just gave this the proverbial “this bitch here” eye roll and went back to my lunch.