I Need Answers
1. Was this performance a skit or did J.Lo mean to sound like a cat with throat cancer on purpose?
2. Although Wacka Flocka Flame might be telling the truth when he says he’s always reading, is it wrong to still think he talks like someone who only reads coloring books?
3. Why are people still denying Beyonce’s vocal ability in 2010?
4. Who else can’t wait until Alicia Keys goes back to soul light music?
5. As technologically breathtaking as it was did anyone else find themselves laughing while watching Avatar?
6. Toni Braxton still seems to be stuck on the sex kitten bit. Is she trying to be the Blanche Devereaux of R&B?
7. How much longer do we have to keep entertaining the Tea Party Movement?
8. Considering he’s about as hard as RuPaul with Melyssa Ford in his lap, isn’t it funny to see Omarion play a thug?
9. Is it safe to talk about how awful Wyclef has been sounding lately or do we still have to be polite and play deaf?
10. My mama has finally found me on Facebook. Has yours?
11. How did “How you doin’?” morph from a stereotypically way to call out gay men into daytime TV’s sweetest catch phrase?
12. Can the ground please stop moving?
13. Can the same be said of Quentin Tarantino’s tongue whenever he decides to start speaking in his “blaccent?”
14. Why won’t the mainstream press give black women a break?
15. Be honest: Have you been working on perfecting your Nicki Minaj impersonation, too?
16. How afraid should we all be about fast food restaurants now gleefully put huge posters that read “We accept EBT?”
17. Fellow Toyota customers, are you making this face, too?
18. Who else is over the cell phone pictures of celebrity crotches leaking to the Web fad?
19. When is the last time you’ve hit someone with the flex?
20. Are you happy that I’ve finally posted video evidence of me jiggin’?
Bonus: How did you discover The Cynical Ones? Just curious. =)
Zett
March 1, 2010 at 5:17 am
#3 Jealousy & envy. Weave envy is but a small part of it.
#9 HE SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME on We Are The World 2. I know I wasn’t the only one.
#17 I wouldn’t be caught dead applying for a food stamp debit card in California. I sunk to that morale low once, & when I found out what Welfare Reform REALLY meant, I had to PASS. I’d rather eat Ramen than be ridiculed, treated like ignorant cattle, & made to beg for gov’t assistance.
Bring on the Cup O’Noodles & the high blood pressure.
BONUS: I think I just did a random web search for “Fuckery” and you were at the top of the heap. Fuckery commentary was a rarity back then.
Zett
March 1, 2010 at 5:48 am
RE: New #17: HA! Its a Camry, Corolla & a Prius all in my immediate fam, so I do understand. Frankly, I like the new Q better. EBT=TheDevil
yours truly
March 1, 2010 at 8:31 am
1) Oh gawd! Terrible.
3) Don’t stan for her but I often wonder the same thing.
4) *raises hand* I miss her old sound badly. The staccatto stuff ain’t cuttin it no more.
5) Read the Pocahontas theory online before I caught the movie so I was slightly biased from the get-go. Na’vi sex = some intriguing comedy
10) thankfully, no.
20) LOL, yes indeed.
I think I found you through La’s blog or just random clicking on another blog. You’ve been in my Top 5 since then.
NUTZ
March 1, 2010 at 10:40 am
20. Omg I must’ve know you were gonna do this…i honestly had a dream about you jiggn last night…some guy was tryn to interview you n you started jiggn non-stop
VaunTV
March 1, 2010 at 11:44 am
9. I pay his waling No mind, just plugs in ear plugs the minute that mouth opens.
18. Yes, well at least the women..can we please get a CB, Trey, Mario pic t leak #JustSayin
20. U just slayed my Whole life lmaooooo
fickle
March 1, 2010 at 11:48 am
#’s 19 & 20 – yaaaaassss!! go get ‘em boo!!
I discovered The Cynical Ones around the time the Love, Sex, Magic video came out… I believe I was on a Beyonce board, and someone linked to the picture you had in one of your posts with all the side-by-side jackin’ =)… so if one good thing came out of Ciara’s video, it was because it led me to uuuuuuuuuuu!!
Jordan
March 1, 2010 at 12:38 pm
1) Bigger Question: Why in the hell was everybody clappin like she really did something and making her feel good about destroying my eardrums?
2) Waka came to my school last weekend and charged ppl $20-$40 to see him “rap” 3 songs and was late. He must have a brain for marketing…
6)Blanche Devereaux, LMAO
10) My mom comments on my heavily alcohol induced weekend status, its embrassing
15) She’s invading my ipod, but I don’t listen to it to loud so ppl next to me won’t judge
Bonus) I don’t remember, I think I found the link on another site
Nawlinschick
March 1, 2010 at 2:01 pm
lmao @ the Blanch Devereaux. I found the link in the blogroll on Bossip and I’ve been hooked ever since. Also can you edit out that girl laughing while you dance because it sound like a cat laughing and having an orgasm and it really stole my nerve. Thanks for the post though. It was a definite boost to my day.
l.a writer
March 1, 2010 at 3:36 pm
bonus: i google searched trying to find a quote about interrupting a writer and came to your blog post about your screenwriting submission in sept. and i ignored the disclaimer and kept reading and thought you sound like an interesting person, why dont i keep reading….and then i added your blog to my bookmarks and shared it on my twitter and fb. perhaps you’ll get a few more views. i like your writing style. keep it up.
Babygirlja
March 1, 2010 at 4:41 pm
1. J.Lo should know that all Puerto Rican women have an expiration date
2. Chromosomes are missing
9. Wyclef also scared the shit out of me on We Are The World
18. Don’t nobody wanna see Trina’s 12 year old boy chest
19 & 20. YAAAAAASSSSS. Thank you and we need more
I discovered you on Kid Fury’s blog with that picture of Rihanna resembling a cockatoo
ChiChi
March 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm
#1…I will love you forever for giving me the best LOL I’ve had in a minute. #WhewLawd
When Wyclef started singing on We Are The World II, that was the beginning of the end.
Was that the recent NAACP awards airing that Quentin said something in his blaccent? He got an immediate “Naw Boo!” from me.
Robert
March 1, 2010 at 5:15 pm
1) Come on Mike, it wasn’t that bad…granted I stopped at 1 min.
10) Yep, “Friend Request Denied”
15) I plead the fifth.
20) yes, lol
sickwitit
March 1, 2010 at 5:52 pm
1)cosign with BABYGIRLJA
3)cause its fun
4)GAWD yes, ima revoke my stan card if she pull this shit next go round
11) i was wondering if you could tell us this
18)cosign with VAUNTV
20)yes! no shade but you kinda stiff…
Sunset
March 1, 2010 at 9:38 pm
Love that JigVid – in a parking lot at that!
I kept wanting someone to cut J.Lo’s mic, and turn up the background singers.
What’s sad is that Toni’s been trying this sex kitten thing for years now and it has not helped her album sales one bit. Definition of insanity in 5..4..3..2..1..
I’m trying to perfect Minaj’s ability to start rapping in a really low voice out of nowhere. It’s hard to describe what I’m trying to say, but somebody out there may get it.
Britt
March 1, 2010 at 10:03 pm
Whoa, whoa whoa I be jiggin’ I be flexin it!
iman
March 1, 2010 at 10:29 pm
i cosign too many of these… but yes–wyclefs voice is SUPER annoying i was just thinking the other day someone needs to shut him the hell up,,, sorry boo get a honda next time
YOLA
March 1, 2010 at 11:14 pm
I FOUND IT SEARCHING FOR ESCORT SERVICES!!!
***DONT JUDGE ME*****
I WAS TRYNA FIND A NEW PROFESSION!!
krissyk
March 1, 2010 at 11:31 pm
3) Beyonce can sing, but I still need her to sit down for a while.
4) I miss Alicia Keys’ cornrows
6) *dead* yet so true
7) I’ve been done with the Tea Party movement
9) Wyclef’s voice on WRTW2=scary fail
10) Thank God that my mom does NOT facebook
12) Being that I live in LA, all this ground movement has gotten me scared that its going to be moving here soon
16) I was unemployed for 4 months and I refused to go on welfare. No, no, no…just no
20) My blackberry can’t handle your jig videos, so I will have to view them when I get a pc
I found your blog after you wrote a post on crunktastical.net. I love fresh and now I love you
michelle
March 2, 2010 at 11:39 am
#3 Never did deny Beyonce’s vocal ability, she has pipes, but in the same sentence I can say J. Hud and other talented artists blow her out of the water. As a former Beyonce fan, to be honest I just want her to go away for a period of no less than 5 years. I am tired of seeing her everywhere. She is also beginning to look worn and tired. Also, FYI the leotard/bodysuit contraptions suck. Though she will always be famous, she is beginning to remind me of a Liza Minelli-esque artist who doesn’t know when to take a break…(breathe).
#5 Am I the only one who thinks this new 3D sucks? The first ten minuets of Avatar was cool, but then it kicked in. After the first hour I was over it completely. I only stayed glued to my seat because I payed close to 15$ per ticket to view in IMAX (woohoo). It was hilarious, and dare I say RACIST AS HELL!
#7 The Tea Party Movement = 21st century racists bigots who can’t fathom someone actually doing something in Washington. However, my vote Obama has made even myself say hmmm… But, I am also over the whole Tea Party crap. Let it go, he’s in, and no matter what anybody thinks of the system it is here to stay. Obama or not, their all politicians.
#9 Loves Wyclefs musical ability. I saw him play a guitar with his teeth at the House of Blues once long ago and he is a great artist. However, WTF happend on We Are The World 2? Not hot!
#13 Quinton Tarantino is about the only person who will get me really enjoy a movie.
#16 EBT=The Devil!
I found your site while I was searching for anything to do with the word cynical, for a term paper I was doing. Alas, I found this site and have been hooked ever since. It is nice to read a blog that isn’t hampered with carbon copy stories. This site makes me lmfao, loves it!
Shanise
March 2, 2010 at 7:03 pm
LMAO at you calling Toni the Blanche Devareux of R&B!!! You mess! and I came just to watch the video again. Why didn’t i notice you were wearing flip flops though. Now people are going to know we act a fool in Cali and not somewhere in Texas.
MzVirgo
March 2, 2010 at 9:21 pm
I discovered your site through Kid Fury, I think.
Chelle Belle
March 3, 2010 at 2:21 am
19. Saturday night after my third Grey Goose and cranberry
I think I heard about you through Kid Fury’s blog or was it Fresh. I can’t remember but glad I found it. Keep up the good work.
deezy
March 3, 2010 at 2:38 pm
wow. watch u work!
Omari will always be the extra fruity one of B2K, whether he likes it or not
Waka Flocka need to stay is azz in his mama basement
Wyclef gets a pass because of the whole Hati fiasco. but the grace period is comming to an end.
and i found out about your site from the head mistress of fuckery that is Freshalina.
V
March 3, 2010 at 3:50 pm
3) People deny Beyonce’s vocal talent because it’s their last phase of denial. At first, people did not want to acknowledge that she would be successful or endure. That is now indisputable. Denying her vocal ability is just the last way to deprecate her talent and worth. For example, a friend and rabid Christina Aguilera fan professes to prefer “big, meaty voices” but says Beyonce’s voice is just decent and that Kelly Rowland’s is better. (Of course, Kelly is also even prettier.
) Obviously, this makes no sense since Kelly’s voice is lighter, thinner and overall less adroit than Beyonce’s. Hell, she can’t stay on key live to save her life. Saying this is merely his way of coping with denial.
As to whether other artists blow Bey out the water, I have to disagree. Beyonce’s voice is more versatile than J. Hud’s, and Beyonce has more range.
Taj
March 3, 2010 at 6:29 pm
5. Hell yes. It was a big, technologically advanced laugh fest for me.
12. Please. Make. It. Stop.
20. You da shit. In dis bitch. (c) Kanye Omari.
Bonus: I forgot, it was a long time ago.
darylsmeadnotebook
March 3, 2010 at 7:38 pm
1-i’m hoping the throat cancer cat situation was a joke
3-the woman is all over the place, but she can sing
9-i refuse to watch we are the world part deux so i can’t comment
10-yes she has and doesn’t know the difference between private messages and wall posts
17-don’t own a toyota but i make that face every morning and evening on nyc transit
bonus-on crunktastical.net
Mia (Lioness)
March 3, 2010 at 9:26 pm
Aww, Omarion is just the cutest lil Care bear Gangstah! I wonder where he finds jeans that little and cute?
I know you hate this Micheal But I’m looking at your pic and I swear you look just like Rihanna’s boy-toy in the new RudeBoy video!
KayKay
March 5, 2010 at 12:18 am
I love you for this post.
KayKay
March 5, 2010 at 12:20 am
One more thing. Please don’t become mainstream like sites such as concrete loop to the point you stop tellin it like it is to keep all your readers unbiased and happy. I love a little cynicism in my daily reads! It’s a way to not make me feel so jealous of these millionaire bitches. hah!
Janee
March 5, 2010 at 12:30 pm
I’m concerned that you have a Toyota, and no insurance….
TheUltimate
March 7, 2010 at 8:47 pm
I found your website via Crunktastical. Fresh posted one of your classic Ciara posts.
jaedalaurez
March 10, 2010 at 7:32 pm
Blame Bo, from looooooooooooooong time ago lol.
Jig on, my friend- jig on.
tom
March 12, 2010 at 3:26 am
i found Thecynicaones…………… i think by searching some funny skits on kelly rowland and got the “Help Me” post. couldn’t leave ever since.
Maliasasha
March 15, 2010 at 1:42 pm
@#12 I had to walk away from my computer and go hide because tears were coming down my face. LMAO
Crystal
March 15, 2010 at 3:05 pm
Somebody sent me a link to the Help Me: Ciara post and I died six thousand times.
Randall
June 8, 2010 at 5:25 pm
*watches jiggin video* you prove me right that gay men always have the prettiest female friends.
Oh yeah, and hahahahaha, loves it!